


Falling

by HQuinn



Series: Warden Arianna [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Engagement, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Falling In Love, False Calling, Fluff and Smut, Grey Wardens, Jealousy, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Sex, The Calling, Vigil's Keep, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-15
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-05-14 01:36:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 87,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5724592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From the moment he saw her when she first walked into his office he couldn't stop thinking about her.<br/>Nathaniel finally meets the woman that will become his forever.</p><p>
  <b>Now with Art from the awesome terra7.deviantart.com</b>
</p><p>Thanks to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/TurboNerd/pseuds/TurboNerd">TurboNerd</a> and <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/SiryaEbonyBlack/pseuds/SiryaEbonyBlack">Sirya Ebony Black</a> for all the Betaing!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Making Friends

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this, PLEASE leave me a Kudos or a comment to let me know. I can't tell you how much it makes my day when you do.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr at http://wardenari.tumblr.com

Bethany sat at the breakfast table beside Oghren. She had been transferred to the Ferelden outpost two weeks earlier. After the Chantry blew up in Kirkwall she'd lost contact with her sister, Marian. All letters just stopped being answered, and she prayed it was that her sister had fled, and not that she had perished. Well, to be honest, they'd stopped talking a few years before that, having had a large fight.  But when she heard about Kirkwall, she sent letters, but never a single reply came back.  She hoped that perhaps Marian had returned to Ferelden, and was grateful that her Commander had approved her request for transfer. She had yet to hear word of Marian since returning, but she was still hopeful. Her fellow Senior Wardens had proven to be friendly, and made her feel welcome within their ranks quickly. Unlike the outpost in the Anderfels she was the only mage here, and as a result her responsibilities had changed. There she had been in charge of helping train the mages to fight. Here she was tasked with training the Wardens to fight against the magic of the Darkspawn Emissary. She watched Wardens walk around the mess hall, using it as a practice to try to recall names of those she had met. Her eyes landed on one who strode through the hall, the other Wardens parting to let him trough.

Warden-Commander Howe walked across the dining hall, bow in hand and whistled once. “Aidan, come.” he called out and a black mabari moved from his hiding spot where he had been watching for fallen bits of breakfast. The dog scampered behind him as the Commander walked out the door.

Bethany's eyes watched him the entire time. They had only talked a few times, but every time they did she felt like there were sparks in the air. She couldn't keep her mind from wandering to him several times a day. Except for a small crush on Anders that ended shortly after she left Kirkwall no one had caught her eye until she met Commander Howe. He was every bit the Commander, strong, self assured with piercing eyes that you could sense looking at you from across the yard.

“I wonder when I'll be getting a nug from the Commander.” Oghren said to Sigrun who laughed.

“Why would Commander Howe get you a nug?” Bethany asked confused.

“Wrong Commander.” Oghren shook his head. “I mean Warden-Commander Arainai. She gave this Warden we used to have here a cat. Then she sent Howe a mabari puppy two years ago. I fought in the blight with her, so I expect my nug any day now.”

“Wait, you know the Hero of Ferelden?” Bethany asked surprised. “And she gave the Commander a dog?”

Sigrun nodded. “She was the first Warden-Commander here. She's who recruited me and Commander Howe also.”

“Really?” Bethany was growing excited. Everyone knew the stories of the Hero, and here they'd actually met her, actually _knew_ her. “What was she like?”

“She was a kind, but firm leader. She made this place feel as much like home as she could, while still keeping order. Made you feel like she cared about all of us under her.” Sigrun answered.

“I remember her yelling at everyone but Howe and Anders.” Oghren grunted taking a drink of his ale.

“Oghren, she was pregnant,” Sigrun shook her head as she scolded him.

“Wait, Anders was here? Tall mage, blonde hair?” Bethany wondered why she didn't know Anders had known the Hero.

“Aye, that's Sparklefingers.” Oghren nodded as Bethany chuckled at the name. “Followed the Commander around like a puppy.”

“So, wait, you said she gave Commander Howe his dog two years ago, but the Hero's been gone for almost two and a half years. Do you know where she is?” she whispered her question.

“Haven't seen her since she was in Howe's room two years back,” Oghren belched, and then got a look that made it clear he wasn't supposed to have said that.

“The Commander was here?” Sigrun asked at the same time Bethany asked “Why was she in his room?”

“Oh, my look at that, I'm late for training the new recruits. Bye, ladies” Oghren suddenly stood and rushed out the door.

“That dwarf is hiding something,” Sigrun mumbled while Bethany wondered what just happened. Sigrun turned to look at Bethany, “So how do you know Anders?”

“He was a friend when I was in Kirkwall before I joined with the Wardens. Well, I guess more like he was a friend of my sister's and I was just there.” she shrugged. “He taught me to play Wicked Grace and how to do some spells.”

“You know how to play Wicked Grace?” Sigrun asked excited as Bethany nodded. “We play weekly in the Commander's office. Join us tonight, it'll give you a chance to know everyone.”

“Definitely,” Bethany agreed quickly, excited for the chance to have an excuse to talk to the Commander again.

***

Bethany left the mess hall and headed down to the training ring. For a moment she thought about writing Anders to tell him how she was now stationed where he used to be. Maybe he could tell her stories about his time at the Keep, or secrets about the buildings. Then her brain caught up to reality and she remembered that there'd be no more writing Anders. He was a fugitive, probably the largest one in Thedas. She wondered what had happened after she left to turn him from the soft spoken, playful man she had known to someone that could start a war.

She entered the ring finding three young Wardens mulling around, talking. Noticing her, they stopped talking and stood at attention, facing her.

“Wardens Lee, Marchand and Leister?” she asked looking at the two men and one woman in front of her. They all nodded in unison.

“Any of you have training as a Templar?” She asked.

The woman, Warden Lee, raised her hand timidly. “Yes Serrah, but I joined the Wardens before taking my vows.”

“Good,” Bethany nodded. “Those skills you learned will help you if you even encounter an Emissary.”

Warden Lee visibly relaxed, clearly she had been worried the mage would have held that against her. She straightened at the praise Bethany had given her on her skills.

She spent the next few hours putting them through the paces. She cast glamour spells at them to prevent any true injuries as it was their first training session. It had been brutal, they were very rough, and she rolled her shoulders, knowing she had her work cut out for her. Bethany stepped to the water bucket to take a drink. She felt something bump her leg and looked down to see the Commander's mabari looking up at her, his tail wagging excitedly. The dog let out a playful bark and sat, watching her, so Bethany knelt down and pet the dog.

“Making friends already I see, Warden Hawke,” she heard Commander Howe say from behind her as he walked down the hill to towards them.

“Apparently so, Commander,” she couldn't help the grin when she was talking to him. He still carried himself as a noble when he walked and she could almost picture how he must have looked then, and she imagined he probably broke a few hearts. He had a strong jaw, long, dark hair that was pulled back, with dark eyes that just pierced right through you.

“Join me for a walk?” he asked although she was uncertain if it was really a request or an order, not that it mattered either way, she was happy just to be in his space.

“Of course,” Bethany nodded, standing back up she followed him as he walked the grounds. They walked quietly, although she kept watching him out of the corner of her eye when she was sure he wasn't looking.

The Commander stopped when they were near a large flower garden. “My grandmother planted this garden,” he gestured to the numerous plants, “and my mother and sister built upon it. I like to come here sometimes. It reconnects me to them.”

“I forget sometimes this was your home,” Bethany nodded watching him closer this time.

He turned and gave her a warm smile and nodded. “How about you, are you finding things at the Keep alright. Are the other Wardens treating you ok?”

“I am, is there reason for concern, Ser?” she wondered why he was questioning. She looked down quickly, his gaze so intent, it made her uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. In a way that made her feel warm inside. But she found it odd, no one had ever looked at her that way. She'd always been just Carver's twin, and then Hawke's kid sister, but never noticed just for herself. In the past, that had been perfectly fine with her, being an apostate and all. She wasn't sure why the Commander was looking at her so intently. Did he not trust her? Was her being a mage making him suspicious, despite what he had just said? Did he figure out that she had a crush and was angered by that? Oh Andraste, she prayed he had no clue about that, as that would just be too mortifying. It had been so embarrassing when Anders had tried to let her down gently, there was no way she'd be able to live it down if her own Commander had to do the same. She stared at his feet and hoped beyond hope that was not the case.

He shook his head. “No, it's just been a long time since we've had a mage here. I'm afraid the last time he was not treated so well by a former Warden-Commander from Orlais. I wish to make sure that is not repeated. If you do encounter problems, I want you to know you can come to me with them, I won't allow anyone here not to be treated with the utmost respect. Well, except Oghren.” he chuckled to let her know he was teasing, and the laughter made him seem that much more warm to her. More down to earth, less the stoic Commander she was used to seeing walk the halls.

“I will,” she nodded, blushing slightly under his intent gaze. She looked down and missed the slight curl of his lips when he noticed her blush. Since the first time he had looked at her in his office, he found his mind wandered often to her and Nathaniel couldn't seem to deter it, even when he tried to remind himself that he was her superior and it was inappropriate. He was hopelessly infatuated.

“I heard you'd be joining us for cards tonight. I look forward to seeing you there,” he tried not to sound too hopeful.

Bethany lifted her head slightly and gave him a sideways glace while moving some of her hair behind her shoulder. “I will. Thank you, Ser.”

Nathaniel nodded and tried, but failed, not to think about what it would be like to taste the side of her neck that she had just revealed with the move of her hair. Maker, he was in trouble and he knew it.

***

Bethany knocked on the door to the Commander's office. Sigrun answered and waved her in. As she neared the table. Nathaniel stood up suddenly seeing her enter, playfully smacking the arm of the man beside him who started to chuckle. “Bethany, welcome!” his smile large, and she willed herself not to blush. She took the empty seat next to Sigrun and across from the Commander.

“Bethany Hawke, some introductions.” he motioned to the man to his right who had laughed when Nathaniel stood. He was stocky, only slightly taller than Nathaniel, with brown hair, and hands that looked rough, like a tradesman. “This is my brother-in-law, Albert.”

“Pleasure,” the man, Albert nodded to her.

“This old man is Samuel, he's been groundskeeper here since before I was born.” Nathaniel introduced the man on the other side of him. It was clear from his tone he was jesting on the 'old man' comment.

“Yes, come to me when you want to hear all about the Commander's misspent youth.” Samuel laughed.

“Please don't.” Nathaniel chuckled. “Constable Geralt, he just arrived back from Dragon's Peak so I don't believe you've met,” Nathaniel pointed to a blonde haired man on the other side of Sigrun.

“Well met, Warden Hawke,” he nodded.

“And finally, Garevel. He is the Seneschal here for the Keep.” Nathaniel pointed to a man around his age with dirty blonde hair and blue eyes. Despite his title, he looked more like a soldier than an adviser. He nodded to Bethany, but said nothing, seeming focused on the game.

Sigrun dealt out the cards and Nathaniel picked his up, he had three Knights, a Dagger and a Song. They moved around discarding and pulling cards as they went. Sigrun whispered something to Bethany making her giggle. Nathaniel looked up, watching the two talk as the mage's laughter went straight through him. He discarded and picked up without looking, unable to turn away from her. When she looked up, he quickly looked down at his hand again. Damn, two Knights, a Dagger, a Serpent and a Song. He'd given away a Knight without even looking. He must have had a scowl as he heard Samuel chuckle beside him.

“You always lost when playing against Lady Cousland too.” the man said quietly so that only Nathaniel could hear him.

He lost that hand, and the next two, unable to stop watching her. But, in doing so, he did notice something, her tell. He never got a good enough hand to use it to his advantage, though.

The next hand moved along quickly until it was down to just Bethany and Garevel. “Your move, Seneschal” Bethany said giving away nothing in her tone.

Garevel rubbed his chin, clearly in concentration as he looked at his cards. He regarded Bethany, eyeing her as if a suspect.

Everyone watched back and forth between the two of them except Sigrun. She noticed Nathaniel's eyes kept on Bethany, and the look he gave, it was clear it wasn't the game that had his interest. She elbowed Oghren and quietly tilted her head towards the Commander. Oghren looked over and then chuckled to himself.

Gareval folded and Bethany took her winnings. When the Seneschal flipped over her cards he groaned, seeing that she had bluffed him. The others congratulated her, Gareval apparently being tough to get one over on.

Nathaniel beamed at her, “Well played!” he laughed.

“Thank you Commander,” she answered.

“Nate, please. We're off duty now,” he smiled to set her at ease.

“Then thank you, Nate,” she replied with a small grin. Nathaniel decided he liked the sound of his name in her voice and he wanted to set about to find more reasons to hear it.

**Art from terra7.deviantart.com:**


	2. Talking about the past

“Warden Hawke. Commander wants to see us in the war room.”

Bethany bowed to Warden Lee, who she was sparring with, turning to see Constable Geralt standing nearby. “Lead the way, Ser,” she nodded.

They entered the War Room to find Commander Howe overlooking a map along with Oghren and Sigrun, his left and right hand as they were. Howe looked up to see them and nodded as they walked over. He pointed to a marker on the map. “Seneschal Garevel has brought to my attention word of shade sightings near farmland here, about a two day ride out. I'd like you all to accompany me to investigate.”

“No offense, Commander,” Sigrun looked up to him, “but I'm surprised to hear you'll be joining us. This type of stuff is typically left to us peons to handle.”

“Do you have any idea how boring paperwork is, Warden Sigrun,” the Commander raised an eyebrow and gave her an amused grin.

“Good point, Ser,” the dwarf chuckled.

“Think it's got something to do with the stories we're hearing from the Inquisition?” Oghren asked.

“Possibly. I think it's worth a look. All of you be ready to depart within the hour.” The Commander ordered. As they filed out he called to Bethany. “Warden Hawke, if you meet me at the stables in twenty minutes, we can secure you a horse.” She nodded in reply and left the room.

“Finally, some action. It's been too rutting long,” Oghren pumped his hand in the air when they were in the hallway.

Bethany laughed as his excitement, turning away from the group to head to her room to change and ready for the trip. As a Senior Warden, she normally wouldn't have her own room, but would instead share it with another female Senior Warden. But she had lucked out that at the moment there was an odd number of Senior Female Wardens, and as such, she had a room all to herself. Growing up she always shared a room, and usually a bed, with her sister, Marian. Once entering the Wardens, it was first the main barracks, with about twenty other women, and then a Senior Warden room which was always shared. Vigils Keep was the first time she'd ever had her very own room. While at first it was odd, almost lonely, she quickly learned to relish the quiet it provided her with.

She pulled out her traveling pack which already contained a tent and bedroll and added a few bottles of lyrium, just in case, along with a pack of cards, her sketch book and some graphite. Grabbing her staff and pack she headed down to the stables.

When she arrived Commander Howe was already there, talking with a man that looked to be about the same age as him. He turned hearing her approach and bowed his head slightly, “Warden Hawke, this is Michael. His family has been running the stables at the Keep for generations. I know Denerim likes to claim they have the best stable master, but Michael here puts them to shame.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Bethany nodded.

“He's just kissing up so I won't tell you all about the trouble young Nathaniel and I would get into growing up.” Michael replied waving them into the stable.

“If people keep offering up your dirty little secrets I may start taking them up on hearing them,” Bethany laughed while looking at Commander Howe.

“Yes, I may have to fire the lot of them.” he shook his head with a small grin.

“Good luck with that, Ser,” Michael chuckled. He stopped in front of a paddock containing a tall white mare with a black mane. “Here, I believe Ruffles here will be to your liking.”

“You let your daughter name the horse I take it?” The Commander raised an eyebrow.

“That she did, Ser. Would you care to tell her it's a silly name for a regal horse such as this?” Micheal asked.

“And risk her ire, no way.” he laughed in reply as he handed Bethany a few sugar cubes.

“Don't listen to them, Ruffles works just fine as a name,” Bethany winked to the horse as she offered up the cubes. She pet his head as he accepted the offering. Michael then showed her where the saddle and a bridle could be found. Before the Wardens she had never been on a horse before, but now she was very comfortable around them. She placed a blanket along the back of the gelding followed by the saddle. Once cinched up she then attached the bridle, grabbed her pack and her staff and led Ruffles outside to where the others were waiting for her. Michael held out his hand to help her lift up onto her horse, and they set out on the mission.

***

The first day's travel had been easy going, and they stopped to set up camp just as it was getting too dark to safely travel. Once the tents were set, they gathered around the fire.

“So, how'd you wind up in the Wardens?” Sigrun asked, handing Bethany a plate of stew and sitting next to her.

“I went on an expedition into the Deep Roads with my sister to earn some coin. We were nearly out when we got attacked by Darkspawn. I would have died if Anders wasn't there. He knew of some nearby Wardens and convinced them to conscript me.” Bethany explained.

“You know Anders?” the Commander asked, his eyebrow raised.

“I did, haven't seen him since that day though.” She nodded.

Nathaniel made a face that didn't exactly look like he was pleased. “Saw him once with your sister, guess I should have figured you knew him too.”

“How about you?” Bethany asked Sigrun.

“I met Commander Arainai in the Deep Roads. I was a member of the Legion of the Dead. She helped rescue me when we had been attacked by Darkspawn. I've been with this lot ever since.” Sigrun nodded her head in the direction for Commander Howe and Oghren.

Geralt joined the two, plate in hand. “Whatever you ladies are discussing _has_ to be better than listening to Oghren talk about his latest conquest.” He chuckled as he sat.

“We were discussing how we became Wardens.” Sigrun explained.

“Ah, hmm. Guess none of us has a happy story for that.” he replied suddenly looking less cheery than he had a moment before, his voice falling.

“Geralt?” Bethany placed a hand on his arm to comfort him.

He shook his head, “It's ok, no one has cheerful tales when it comes to the Blight.” he took a deep breath before continuing. “I'm from Redcliffe originally. Was a farmer, and lived there with my wife and our two sons. Night after night these creatures came, attacking and killing. The Arl's brother, he tried to help, but they just kept coming. Eventually the Hero and King Alistair came, and they were able to save the city, but not before my family fell.”

“Oh, Geralt,” Sigrun placed her hand over her mouth. She felt guilty that she had never asked him before in the two years he'd been at the Keep.

“After that, I decided that I didn't want anyone else to hurt like I did, that I wouldn't let those creatures destroy any more families. So when the King called for volunteers for the Wardens at his coronation, I signed up. I was stationed in the Free Marches a few years. Then one day, 'bout two years back, the Hero shows up at our post, looking for a volunteer to come to Vigil's Keep. I thought it was for an important mission, duty and all that.” he chuckled as he turned his head up. “Turns out it was to deliver that mabari to Commander Howe. Been here ever since.”

“So you met the Hero too?” Bethany asked, once again excited, feeling a rush of being around so many so close to the legend. “What was she like?”

“Angry,” he answered with a grin. “And I'm pretty sure drunk too.”

“Oh!” she replied. That was not at all how she had pictured the woman in her head. She wondered if perhaps Geralt was mistaken about who he had actually met.

***

They arrived at the farmlands the next day, and there wasn't much time needed to investigate. No sooner were they off their horses and patrolling then two shades and a Rage Demon attacked.

Sigrun, Geralt and Oghren attacked straight on, each taking one on, while Nathaniel and Bethany attacked from a distance. Nathaniel was fast with his bow, reloading and shooting with speed that even Sebastian couldn't meet, Bethany noted.

Bethany cast stone armor on the dwarves and Warden Geralt. Her eyes kept moving about to catch who might need healing, sending it their way as she could. It didn't take long before she required a dose of lyrium to replenish her mana.

Sigrun slashed at one shade. It let out a shriek and attempted to flee, but she chased after it, Nathaniel's arrows flying at it as well. Oghren made quick work of the shade by him and soon joined with Geralt against the rage demon. Bethany couldn't be sure, but it almost seemed as if the demon was getting larger. In the distance they could hear another high pitched shriek and then silence. A moment later Sigrun was running out of the nearby bushes and joining against the Rage demon.

It slashed, a cling cling cling noise rang out as it's claws bounced off Oghren's armor. Geralt moved behind it while the two dwarves slashed from the front and the Commander pummeled arrow after arrow at it. Geralt leapt to stab the demon in the back, but once mid air the demon spun around and slammed Geralt away. A crack could be heard as he hit the ground some ten feet away. It was enough of a distraction, though, to allow Sigrun and Oghren to both swing at that same time, destroying the demon.

Bethany bent over to get a look at Geralt's leg and was able to quickly ascertain it was, in fact, broken. She called up her mana to start mending the bone focusing so much on the task that she barely registered hearing the Commander shout out something. A few seconds later she was rolling on the ground, someone having pulled her out of the way. Bethany looked to the side in time to see Oghren's axe slice through a shade that was right where she had been a moment before. She looked up to see who her savior was. Nathaniel's face was only an inch from hers, his breathing quick, probably from running, but otherwise he seemed to be completely focused on her. Their eyes met and locked, neither of them saying anything, just looking at the other. Bethany couldn't look away, his gaze was intense, focused. She expected to see anger from her Commander, but instead she saw concern, and relief reflected in his eyes.

Her heartbeat quickened the longer she lied there in his gaze, feeling him pressed above her. It was a new experience, feeling a man on top of her, and she found it was not at all unpleasant. His eyes flickered down to her lips, while at the same time she felt his thumb brush along her arm in a circle. She instinctively licked her lips and there was no way he missed that she began to blush as the corner of his turned up slightly in response.

“You are unharmed,” he asked barely above a whisper. His deep voice vibrating against her when he spoke.

She shook her head unable to find her voice just yet, still unable to look away from his gaze. She barely needed to move her head forward two inches and they would be kissing. Would he be angry if she did that? Based on how he was looking at her, at the fact that he still hadn't moved off of her, she was sure he wouldn't be upset in the least.

A cough from the side brought them both back to the present, and Nathaniel practically leaped off of her and looked away. Was he blushing, she wondered.

“Sorry to interrupt but...” Geralt pointed to his leg that was still in need of healing.

Nathaniel offered his hand to help her rise. She took his offered hand in hers, but once she was standing he didn't let go of it right away. His thumb brushed along the back of hers as she was again caught in his stare. They both missed Sigrun off to the side elbow Oghren and that the dwarves chuckled at the two of them.

“I am glad you're unharmed,” Nathaniel said, his voice still warm, making her blush yet again.

Bethany nodded, “I... um... oh, Geralt! Sorry,” she turned around to face the warrior still on the ground looking at her with an amused expression on his face. She regretted having to let go of the Commander's hand to do so, but she knew Geralt needed healing. She knelt down to him and began calling upon her mana again. She concentrated, feeling the bones men and after several minutes she pulled back on her mana.

“Better?” she asked Geralt. He started to stand, and she placed out a hand to hold him down. “Don't walk on it just yet, give it another fifteen to settle first. Commander, some help please.” she looked up again to Nathaniel, who nodded and got on one side of the warrior while Bethany was on the other. They helped him stand, allowing him to rest most of his weight on the Commander while they led him to the farmhouse they'd be staying for the night.

“Excellent work, Warden Hawke.” Geralt complimented her as they moved slowly towards the house. “I don't feel any pain at all, where'd you learn how to heal like that?”

“I had learned some from my father, he was a mage as well. But my friend, Anders, showed me most of the tricks to healing,” she beamed at the compliment. The Wardens had been the one place where not only did she not have to hide that she was a mage, but they actually appreciated her skills.

She thought she heard the Commander grumble, “Of course,” but when she looked over he was staring straight ahead, a slight scowl on his face.

***

Bethany stood between Geralt and the Commander overlooking an area map that was spread out on the table while Oghren and Sigrun cleaned the chickens the grateful farmers had given them and readied the birds for cooking.

“The local men tell me of reports of more shades and demons here, here and here,” Geralt marked a few places on the map.

“Do you think it had anything to do with that green glow in the distance?” Bethany asked.

“Mmm. Quite possible,” The Commander nodded. He'd been quiet since they'd arrived at the farmhouse, leaving Bethany unsure about what had soured his mood.

“There's an Inquisition camp here, only about an hour out of our way on our return,” Nathaniel pointed to a location on the map. His hand brushing along Bethany's as he leaned over to do so. She was sure it wasn't intentional, but she felt a slight blush just the same. The Commander, continued, seemingly unaware of anything having just happened. “We'll detour to meet them and report what they know. Let them handle this.”

Geralt nodded and rolled up the map as Bethany bit her lower lip slightly and turned to join the other two to aid setting up the fire. Nathaniel watched her move, and once she had turned away his lips curled into a slight grin. One thing Nathaniel knew how to do better than lead an army was how to seduce a woman, having spent years of his misspent youth perfecting the skill. The brush of his hand against hers when he'd leaned over the map was to test the waters, and the beautiful blush that appeared on her cheeks let him know his attentions were not unwanted. Nathaniel took a sip from his ale and watched quietly as she worked with the others.

***

After dinner Bethany sat playing cards while Geralt and the Commander discussed strategy. Every few minutes Nathaniel would toss a piece of leftover meat to his mabari.

“So, you both know Commander Howe pretty well?” she asked them and they nodded in reply.

“He and I were part of the same Joining,” Oghren stated followed by a belch.

“Lovely. How you got not one but two women to marry you is a mystery.” Sigrun shook her head. “Yes, we've been by his side for close to a decade now.”

“I think I angered him earlier, but I'm not really sure how.” Bethany sighed, her eyes flickering for a moment to the subject of their discussion. She almost believed she saw him look away at the same moment she had looked over.

“Well, he does tend to be overly serious. Commander Arainai used to tease him about that mercilessly, said his face would probably crack if he tried to smile. What happened when you think you upset him?” Sigrun asked.

Bethany shrugged as the game continued. “I'm not sure. I was healing Geralt's leg and everything seemed fine. Then when we were helping him hobble here Geralt complimented my healing. I thanked him and the Commander started scowling.”

“Well what exactly did you say to Geralt when you thanked him? What did Geralt say, was it anything inappropriate?” Sigrun asked, trying to reassure her.

“No, he said it was amazing work. I thanked him and said that I learned from my father who was an apostate and from Anders in Kirkwall.” Bethany explained.

“Aye, there's the problem. It's Sparkles!” Oghren belched.

“What?” Bethany asked confused, which was typical when it came to anything Oghren said.

Sigrun sighed, “He means Anders.”

Oghren nodded. “He and Howe got along ok, but Howe didn't like how much time the mage spent with Ari. Two of them would snipe at each other about her.”

“Ari? The Hero? I feel like I'm missing something here.” Bethany started to feel like she was getting a headache trying to understand the dwarf.

Sigrun shook her head, “Oghren, I don't think it's a good idea....”

“Aye, that's her. She and the Commander over there were betrothed before the blight. Then he went away, then his father killed her family, then she killed his father, married her elf, then Howe showed back up. Was clear he wasn't sure if he wanted to kill her or to fu...”

“OGHREN!” Sigrun interrupted smacking his arm.

“Right, er, anyway. For a while those two didn't talk at all, then they became friends again. The mage was at her side pretty much all the time. We were all pretty sure she was riding him like a bronto. You know, shagging off the dust of her caves” he belched while waggling his eyebrows.

“Oghren, really,” Sigrun shook her head. “They weren't, doing anything I mean. Turns out the Commander was pregnant and Anders was just helping keep her secret.”

“So... you and the mage ever...” Oghren wagged his eyebrows.

“No! So Commander Howe and the Hero, then?” She asked looking over to where he was absentmindedly petting the dog while going over something with the Geralt. Inwardly she was crushed. How could anyone that had been with someone as perfect, and beautiful and strong as she'd heard the Hero was, ever be interested in the quiet, uninteresting, meek little sister of the better known Hawke. She looked once more at him with a slight frown realizing that just like in Kirkwall, she had set herself up for heartache by having a crush on someone that probably wouldn't even give her a second thought. Especially not compared to someone so renowned.


	3. Talking around the fire

As they prepared to leave the next morning, Nathaniel couldn't help but notice that Bethany seemed off. She was normally fairly quiet, but today she seemed even quieter than normal, not even talking much to Sigrun, who he had noticed she was forming a close friendship with. He watched her as they moved about the farm packing their belongings trying to see if he could determine what the cause of her worry could be. More than once Geralt had caught him watching her, but said nothing except to shake his head and give the Commander a knowing grin.

Bethany was currently tying her pack to her horse, and checking the saddle. He approached her as she was, coming to stand behind her.

“Is everything alright, Warden Haw.... Bethany,” he said quieter, hoping the use of her given name would relax her some.

She looked into his eyes and then down quickly. Had she been crying? Her eyes weren't puffy, but they had looked wet before she looked away. “I'm fine, Commander. Just tired I guess.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, moving closer, placing a hand on her lower arm. He could sense something was wrong. He'd grown up with a sister, he knew that look she had in her eyes.

She nodded and turned back towards her horse to check the saddle again. “Yes, no need to concern yourself, Ser.”

He stepped away slowly, wishing he knew what had happened to cause her sadness, replaying the previous night in his mind. She had been playing cards with Sigrun and Oghren while he and Geralt talked. Their talk had initially been about the Inquisition, but Geralt quickly caught on to the fact that Nathaniel was only half listening as his eyes kept wandering to her. Their conversation quickly turned to Geralt good naturedly teasing his Commander and friend about his distraction.

She and the dwarfs had been whispering and laughing while playing cards, and except for Sigrun yelling at Oghren for something probably dirty that he had said, it had seemed uneventful. He couldn't figure out what could have made her so distracted this morning, but he wanted to very much figure it out, already missing her smile that had gone into hiding.

The farmer and his wife thanked the Wardens once again, the wife handing them some food to take on their journey back to the Keep while the farmer provided a hand to help Bethany vault herself onto her horse. The five departed, and Nathaniel attempted to angle his horse near Bethany's but she seemed not to notice as she tapped her horse to move up to the front where Geralt was leading. Nathaniel took the rear, giving himself time to himself, Aidan following close to his side. He shook his head thinking to himself that if Arianna were there, she'd be teasing him mercilessly about the annoyingly baffled expression he was sure was on his face.

Bethany rode up closer to Geralt. Even though he was older, he reminded her of Carver, although not as much of an ass as her twin had been. Sometimes when alone, she'd wonder what Carver would look like not had he not died during the blight. What would he be doing? Would he still be so Maker forsaken angry all the time? She found herself sometimes talking to him in the quiet of her room, wondering what advice he'd have for her. Even when grumpy, he'd always taken his job as her big brother seriously, never mind that it was only fifteen minutes he was older by.

“So, is it weird, being back here, I mean?” she asked him.

Geralt shook his head. “Maybe a little at first, but honestly, I hadn't realized how much I missed Ferelden until I was back.”

“And all you had to do was be a delivery man to make that happen,” she teased. “Seems like the Warden-Commander where you were would have argued against using the Wardens in such a manner.”

“Well, when the woman that defeated an Archdemon, oh and apparently a High Dragon too as she seems to like to point out, makes a request, people tend to just fall in line.” he chuckled. “Did I mention she was very angry? She's little, but quite scary.”

Bethany giggled. “So I've heard.”

“How about you? I heard you requested the transfer here. Homesick were you?” he inquired.

“Not exactly,” she answered. “I'm trying to locate my sister. I lost track of her after the mess in Kirkwall. I know she survived, but I haven't been able to track down where she went. I guess I'm hoping maybe she's decided to come back to Lothering or nearby.”

“Well I still know plenty around Redcliffe and that part of the country. When we get back to the Keep I could have you give me her description, see if anyone's seen her?” he offered.

“I'd like that, thanks,” she beamed.

“No problem. I've got a younger sister, I know I'd be the same way if I couldn't find her. Happy to help.” he nodded.

Nathaniel watched her talking with the Constable, happy to at least hear her giggle at whatever he had said. He clicked his tongue at his horse and moved closer to Sigrun. He felt almost silly for what he was about to ask her, but he needed to know that she was fairing alright, it had been gnawing at him for the last two hours as they had been moving along.

“Sigrun,” he said quietly as he neared.

“Commander,” she nodded. He tried to keep himself from rolling his eyes. The damned dwarf always insisted on being professional, even during the card games. He wasn't sure if she did it just to annoy him or if it was her nature. She was nearly the exact opposite of Oghren in that way.

“You're close with Be... Warden Hawke?” he asked.

“Aye,” she nodded giving him a knowing look that made him worry what was on her mind but that would have to wait for another time.

“Is she having trouble at the Keep? Is there something I should know?” he fished.

She shook her head. “Not that I'm aware of Ser. _Everyone_ seems to like her.”

He did not miss how she emphasized “everyone”. That dwarf was too observant. “She seems distracted this morning. I was concerned.”

Sigrun growled, “That blighted dwarf.” she shook her head and looked at Nathaniel. “Oghren delighted us with his version of the tale of you and Commander Arainai.”

Nathaniel closed his eyes and pinched his nose, letting out a deep breath. He could only imagine what insanity the dwarf had told her. “Do you think anyone would object to me just locking him in the prisons?”

Sigrun chuckled, “Not likely, Ser.”

Nathaniel shook his head and sighed. Well, at least now he had some idea of what damage was done, and sitting up a little straighter it also occurred to him that it would not have bothered her if she wasn't interested in him. He knew she had a fascination with Arianna, but there'd be no reason for her to be upset about whatever idiocy Oghren had told her if she wasn't thinking of him. He decided he'd try approaching her tonight, just talking with her. He'd only discuss Arianna if she brought it up, as he was still raw with worry about where she might be and about her safety.

***

They set up camp early. In the morning Geralt would head off to find the Inquisition camp and bring them news of what they'd found at the farm, while the rest continued back to the Keep. Nathaniel had half thought of making Oghren do it instead, but decided against it, worried the dwarf would cause some incident with them and the last thing he needed was trouble with the Inquisition now that trouble caused for the Wardens by Kirkwall had finally died down. For the first year, there was a barrage of idiots that were giving him no end of headaches once it had been realized that Anders had served with them in Vigils Keep. Rumors had even swirled for a while that the attack on the Chantry had been orchestrated by the Wardens.

Geralt, Oghren and Sigrun were playing cards on one end of camp. On the other, near the fire, Bethany sat, a book in her hand, looking up at the others every so often. Nathaniel decided now was the best time to approach. Sitting beside her, he realized what she was doing was drawing the other Wardens.

“That's quite impressive,” he said nodding to her drawing.

She couldn't help the small curl of her lip on one side in response to his compliment. _Dammit, Bethany_ she thought to herself _, you're supposed to be distancing yourself._ “Thanks,” she said trying to sound calm, but probably failing miserably.

“I'd love to see more of your drawings some time.” he said settling down more.

“You.... really?” she asked. No one beside Marian had ever really expressed an interest in her drawing before. He nodded and she moved a little closer to share her book.

She flipped towards the beginning. She had older drawings, but not in this book, this one had been since after they fled Lothering. She stopped on a picture of a young man. “This was Carver,” she said, trying to fight the sadness in her voice. “He was... he was my twin.” A piece of hair moved in her face and she brushed it back.

Nathaniel did not miss the past tense in her description. “I can see the resemblance. I am sorry for you loss.”

She shrugged in response. It made him ache when she'd do that, dismiss her feelings as if they didn't matter. He'd seen her do that before, and he hurt, wondering what had been done to make her feel like she didn't matter. She flipped a few more pages and he stopped her on on one that was passing by containing sketches of faces of several people.

“This one, I recognize a few people in it. Your sister,” he pointed to one of Marian. She nodded and he pointed to another, “And this is Anders, but who are the others.”

Bethany pushed her hair back again and pointed to each as she went, “This is Varric. He's who got us into the Deep Roads, fancies himself a writer. This is Isabella. She was a lot of fun, a pirate if you can believe it. This here is Merril, she is a mage as well, from a Dalish clan. Here, this is Sebastian. He was a Chantry Brother when I knew him, but I heard that he's now the Prince of Starkhaven. This is Aveline, she was or maybe still is, the Guard Captain in Kirkwall. And this is Fenris, I didn't know much about him. He joined our party just before the Deep Roads, but from what I know, he was a former slave from Tevinter. He really doesn't like mages, but I guess given his background, I can understand.”

“It sounds like you had a good group of friends then,” he gave her a small smile, happy to be learning some more about her.

“They were. I mean they were mainly Marian's friends, but they were friendly enough to me,” she once again moved her hair back. She was going to need to find a way to pin it back, she thought to herself, as it was becoming embarrassing how many times it kept falling.

Nathaniel nodded. “You mentioned Anders taught you healing magic. Did you spend a lot of time with him?” he asked, hoping to not sound too curious.

Bethany shrugged. “Some. I think part of it was just being happy to have another mage around, and it was also a way to just get closer to my sister.” She looked down to her drawing remembering how heartbroken she had been when she realized it was Marian that Anders had eyes for. Plain, uninteresting Bethany once again ignored for pretty, dangerous, exciting Marian.

“If he was interested in her over you he's more the fool than I thought.” Nathaniel said in a matter of fact tone without looking away from her.

Bethany couldn't help the slight blush she felt at his compliment. “You only say that because you haven't really met Marian.” She replied.

This time he sat up, moving closer as his hand reached up to push back the troublesome strand of hair behind her ear. “I very much doubt that would change my opinion.” He said confidently, giving her a warm smile. Nathaniel couldn't help feel a small sense of pride hearing the slight intake of breath she made or seeing the pink rise on her cheeks.

Bethany tried in vain to stop the blush she knew must be creeping up her face now. When his fingers had touched her to move the hair back in place, she felt a tingle of excitement. She suddenly dreaded the fact that their companions were nearby, wanting nothing more than to now spend the rest of the night talking with Nathaniel, while at the same time wanting to hide in her tent to calm the butterflies that had started up in her stomach. He... could he possibly be interested in her? Plain, unremarkable Bethany Hawke who had only one interesting thing about her as far as she knew, that she was the Champion of Kirkwall's sister.

Nathaniel slowly lowered his hand and leaned every so slightly closer. “So tell me more about Kirkwall?”

Bethany nodded and told him about her year there, the time spent working for their freedom and then odd jobs here and there to earn money for the Deep Roads. He listened intently, hanging on her every word, interrupting to ask a few questions. She was amazed, he was actually interested in what she was saying, truly paying attention.

“So I just told you a whole bunch about me, I think it's your turn,” she teased. They were now both leaning along a log, facing each other. Bethany was hoping the night would just stretch on. She liked this... talking to him not as her Commander, but just as a friend, as Nathaniel.

On the other side of camp the Sigrun noticed them facing each other, talking, completely oblivious to anyone else in camp. The Commander's hand occasionally reaching out to brush along Bethany's arm as she spoke. She elbowed Geralt and nodded her head in their direction. The Constable smirked. “About time, he hasn't shut up about her for the last few weeks.”

“What do you want to know?” Nathaniel asked, knowing that could possibly lead to all sorts of trouble, but not wanting to leave their spot by the fire, enjoying the chance to finally get her to open up a little.

“Well... how about how did you come to join the Wardens?” she hoped it would be a safeish topic. She really wanted to ask about the Hero, but she was afraid of what he might say. She'd been enjoying their talk to much to ruin it by hearing that his heart belonged to her.

“Ah,” he said, laying down with his arms behind his head. “That, is a very long story. You sure you're up to hearing it?”

She scooted closer, leaning on her elbow, laying on her side. “Oh, you're not getting out of it that easily.” she teased.

“Very well,” he smirked, looking up at her. “When the blight happened I was away in the Free Marches. My father and I had had a.... _disagreement_ about my future. When news of his death, or as I thought at the time, his murder, had reached me I left, and headed back to Vigils Keep. I was determined to reclaim what was taken from us and to get retribution. But when I arrived, my family home was swarming with Wardens and I was quickly caught, sent to the prison below.”

Bethany's eyes grew wide, clearly enthralled with his story. Nathaniel casually moved one of his arms from behind his head to rest behind her, gently touching her back with just a whisper of a touch, to feel out if she would pull away. She did not, in fact she seemed to move slightly closer. Bethany relished the feel of his touch, even though brief. She felt a chill when his hand came to rest along her back, his fingertips gently moving slightly. As he continued to speak, she moved her elbow so that she now was resting her head along his shoulder. She worried for a moment he might object, tell her this was hardly appropriate for her to behave this way with a commanding officer. Instead he just continued to speak, and the thrill of being so close to him, the first time she'd ever been this close to a man if she was to be honest, was intoxicating.

Nathaniel liked the feel of her leaning on his arm, as his hand came to rest along her back, gently holding her close. Close enough that he could smell elfroot, perhaps her soap, he wondered to himself. He continued his story, “So I'm in the prison, when in walks Oghren, Anders and the Warden Commander that I had come to kill. She was not a stranger to me, although I believe you already know that from Oghren's ramblings, that are probably incredibly inaccurate I will add. Anyway, I said some pretty horrible things to her, accused her of my father's murder. It wasn't until a few weeks later when I found my sister that I learned the truth of my father's betrayal of Ferelden and the Couslands. It was worse than the stories I'm sure you've heard, and it made me sick when I learned the entire story. But at that time I didn't know any of that. So, several angry barbs between the two of us later she was conscripting me into the Wardens. And this is where I have been since.”

They continued talking late into the night, long after the other Wardens had already tucked in for the night. By the time Nathaniel crawled into his own bedroll he realized her scent practically covered him, the smell of elfroot. He felt colder, no longer having her lying along his side, finding it remarkable that he could miss the feel of her so soon.


	4. Misconceptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love love love the comments, keep them coming.  
> If you're not already, you can find me on tumblr wardenari :)

Constable Geralt rode through the Keep, having returned from the Inquisition Camp to see a sight that made him have to stop and watch. In the training circle stood Oghren with four men Geralt recognized as the new recruits that had arrived just before they had left for the farmlands. They were green, not knowing what end of a sword to hold green.

Oghren's usual calm personality was showing through. “By the tits of my ancestors! We should just load you in the catapult and throw you at the Darkspawn. It's be more effective than you nug humpers trying to fight. Start over.”

Geralt chuckled and tapped on the side of his horse, clucking his tongue as he moved towards the stable. Handing his steed off to the stable hand there he dashed off to the main Keep entrance. Once inside he grabbed an apple and headed off to the Commander's office. He knocked once and entered when beckoned. Entering, he found Nathaniel leaning back against his desk, reading through some papers. That in itself was a typical sight, as was the scowl on his face, but the look surprised Geralt, expecting instead to see his friend in a better mood based on what he had seen between him and Bethany.

He shut the door behind him walking towards the man. “I assume you giving the new recruits to Oghren was payback?”

Nathaniel looked up and shook his head, his scowl turning to a smirk, “No, that's his job. Making him do it sober was the payback.”

Geralt chuckled, taking a bite of the apple. “So, what's with the scowl then?”

Nathaniel handed him one of the papers in his hand. With the Keeps' location along the sea and between Highever and Denerim, it had become a habit over the years that Nobles traveling either from across the sea, or between the two cities used the Warden Stronghold as a safe location to spend the night. While ideally the Wardens should be military only, and not “hosting” nobles, given that it was also an Arling, and that damage from the blight was still being repaired through out Ferelden, they could not afford to risk losing support from those with large purse strings. While distracting, it was not something Nathaniel usually minded, and in fact seemed to enjoy when it was Fergus Cousland or the Royal family using the reserved wing of the Keep.

“So, I'm not following. What's got you so irritated about this? Usually you just pass it on to the Seneschal and not even concern yourself?” Geralt asked with a raised eyebrow. “Or is it this particular visitor...” he looked to the paper, “Arl Kendall of South Reach?”

“His visit has little to do with comfort. He is just looking to remind me that my family is no longer nobility and that my father's cowardice has not been forgotten. He comes only to irritate me.” Nathaniel grumbled moving to sit in behind his desk.

“I'd say he's doing a good job given the man's not even here and you're already in this state,” Geralt moved his hand up and down to indicate Nate's agitation. “I take it there's a history between you and this Arl. Let's make this an executive decision that I'll handle this visit and you will just be unavoidable detained during the Arl's stay with Warden business.”

Nathaniel nodded, “There is, one I'd rather not rehash. I owe you Antivan Brandy for this.”

Geralt nodded, “You do, possibly two depending on how much of a pain in the ass this turns into.”

“Two then,” Nathaniel scoffed, “Speaking of nobles, I will be on leave in three weeks time to Highever.”

“Alright, I'll try to keep from setting the place on fire. Is that it for business?” Geralt asked to which Nathaniel nodded and handed him a drink.

“And news from Teyrn Cousland?” he asked.

Nathaniel shook his head. “He asked if I'd heard from her, which I assume means he has not either.”

“So I expected to find you in a much better mood when I returned. Things not going as well as it looked with Bethany?” he asked, watching his friend.

“I've had little chance to talk with her since we returned two days ago.” Nathaniel answered, falling into his chair with a sigh.

“Well then, that's as good of an excuse for a card game if I heard one. I'll make sure Garevel has things in hand for this visit and then rally the regulars for seven?” he nodded, hoping to raise Nathaniel's spirits.

Nathaniel nodded still looking into the fire with a far away look in his eyes. Geralt had learned over his time there that look on his face usually meant whatever he was thinking of had something to do with Arianna Cousland, and that unless they were going to get drunk, it was best not to even ask. At first he had thought it was that the Commander was still carrying a torch for a lost love, but he had learned over time that it was actually Nathaniel worrying himself over a friend alone Maker knew where and most likely hurting, knowing he could do little to help her.

Geralt leaned over, placing a hand on Nathaniel's shoulder as he readied to leave, and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I have little doubt where ever she is, she is safe my friend. She is the Hero after all.”

They drank in silence for a few minutes before Nathaniel spoke up again, “Knock it off,” he said sounding only mildly annoyed.

“Knock off what?” Geralt asked confused.

“You're humming.”

“Oh, didn't even notice,” Geralt chuckled in response.

***

Bethany knocked on the Commander's door and when he answered the smile that appeared as he saw it was her was enough to melt her where she stood. As she entered he moved past her quickly, pulling out a seat for her next to Sigrun. She blushed slightly, looking up she couldn't help the shy curl of her lips as he was looking at her as if there was no one else in the room.

“Thank you, C...Nate,” she corrected herself as she sat in the offered seat. He sat beside her offering up another smile.

“Glad you showed, I was afraid that scowl would never leave,” Geralt teased, sticking his tongue out at Nate when the Commander shot him a look. He shuffled the cards and started to deal. Joining them was also Oghren and Samuel. Garevel was busy preparing for the entourage arriving the next day, which meant the rest of them had more of a chance to actually win for once.

They'd barely made it around the table before Bethany was out, but she didn't mind at all. She'd folded her cards, sitting back, her hands in her lap as she watched the others play. A moment later she felt fingers interlace with hers. The butterflies started in her stomach immediately, it had been so long since someone not related to her had held her hand. She looked over to Nathaniel who was looking at his cards. He turned his head slightly in her direction, that damnable smirk on his face as he gently squeezed her hand before discarding a card and picking up another. The rest of that hand, and the others, continued that way, him holding her hand under the table, until one of them would need to let go to discard and pick up a new card, quickly returning to holding hands.

As the evening wound to a close, she'd only won two hands, far less than a normal night for her. She wasn't sure if it was the distraction of his hand on hers, his thumb running affectionately along her knuckles. The butterflies in her stomach hadn't disappeared all night. The others filed out of the room, leaving just the two of them near his door. Nathaniel still held her hand in his, almost unwilling to let it go.

“I'm afraid I didn't do as well tonight,” she said looking at their hands, liking how it felt for him to hold hers.

“You have a tell.” he replied.

“And you're just telling me this now? You ser, are without honor,” she teased him.

He chuckled at her teasing, “You move around your casting finger when you have a bad hand” he brought her hand to his lips, kissing the accused finger. As with every other time he had touched her, she had a slight intake of breath. She found it embarrassing how excited she would get from the tiniest touch from him, and worried that he probably found it silly.

Nathaniel watched as her breath caught. It excited him, knowing the effect he was having on her. He watched her lips, how soft they looked. He hadn't wanted to kiss someone so badly since he had been nineteen, finally working up the nerve to kiss Arianna, knowing full well it would probably result in a beating from her older brother, his best friend. Nathaniel ran his thumb along Bethany's hand, looking into her eyes, feeling as if he could fall into them. He leaned closer, hearing her breath hitch again, he realized she was too nervous, so he moved to the side to place a chaste kiss on her cheek instead.

“I have an errand to run in Amaranthine tomorrow. I had hoped you would join me.” he asked hoping to move quickly past his misstep.

Bethany knew she was blushing, she could feel her cheeks burning. The moment his lips had touched her cheek she wanted to cry out in joy. She had thought for a moment he might fully kiss her, but she was so nervous that she probably would have been just awful at returning it. That thought alone made her feel with worry. She'd only kissed one boy before, for almost ten seconds before Carver had shown up, ripping the boy away from her, and then grabbing her hand to drag her off back home. She was grateful for the reprieve, to have more time to ready herself. She realized he was still waiting for her answer.

“I look forward to it,” she smiled bashfully.

“I'll see you at breakfast then,” he said, opening the door for her, not letting go of her hand until distance required it.

***

Amaranthine was bustling by the time they arrived. As they walked towards the market, his hand sought out hers, which she freely gave. “I have a stop to make, and then lunch at the Crown and Lion before we head back?”

She nodded, following him through the busy streets. In some ways it reminded her of the markets in Hightown in Kirkwall. People walking around, talking and laughing while merchants called out their wares. He stopped in front of a stall of a seamstress. Bethany looked at the fabrics at the stall, full of vibrant colors and textures, it seemed like each was more beautiful than the rest. She made a note to herself that she'd have to come back sometime to buy something perhaps for a skirt, or even a dress. She half listened to what he was asking the seamstress for, a doll, it turned out. A griffon doll specifically. For his nephew, she assumed. The seamstress let him know it would be ready in two weeks to which he nodded, requesting it be delivered to the Keep. He paid her, reaching for Bethany's hand again to head for lunch.

They'd barely turned away when a woman approached them. “Nathaniel,” she called out as she moved closer. She was beautiful, long blonde hair, with bright blue eyes. Her top and breeches showed off the curves, the red on her lips contrasting nicely against the light skin and hair. Bethany felt intimidated as the woman looked her up and down, as if sizing her up. She suddenly felt horribly plain in comparison.

Nathaniel's hand on her tightened slightly, as if refusing to let her slink away.

“Nathaniel, it's been too long. You should come around more often,” the woman said, her eyes still watching Bethany, looking her up and down. She was probably wondering why someone like Nathaniel would be holding hands with someone as unexciting as someone like her. Without even realizing it, Bethany's shoulder's slumped, trying almost to fold in on herself.

“I've been busy, Esmereld.” he replied without explanation.

“Oh,” the woman, Esmereld, replied, sounding slightly hurt. “Well, maybe next time you're in town... I just... missed you.” The woman turned and walked away without saying another word

As she walked away Nathaniel turned to look at Bethany. Probably realizing how uninteresting she really was, Bethany thought.

“You could go if you want,” she offered up.

“Bethany,” he said, his voice warm, and she couldn't help but look up at him. “I'm here with who I want to be. You have more worth in your hand than she has in her entire being.” As if to prove his point, he brought her hand up, pressing his lips to it. She couldn't help the smile that came across her lips, and she felt a tingling all over from the look he was giving her.

“Come, let me take my favorite girl to lunch,” he said, placing her hand in the crook of his elbow leading the way to the tavern.

*******

Geralt entered the main hall to see the Seneschal talking with a tall blonde man. By the way he was dressed, form fitting breeches, with an expensive looking shirt, he determined this was most likely the visiting Arl.

“Ahh, Constable Geralt, right on time,” Garevel nodded to him. “Allow me to introduce Arl Aidan Kendall of South Reach.”

Geralt raised an eyebrow, upon hearing the man's full name but said nothing on the matter. “Lord Kendall, welcome to Vigils Keep. I would be honored to show you around if you wished.”

The man nodded to Geralt. “I had been hoping to see your Commander.”

“Ah, my apologies, my Lord, but he was unavoidably called away on business this morning. He regrets that he was unable to meet with you,” Geralt explained.

“I'm sure,” Arl Kendall replied, sounding unconvinced. “I appreciate the offer, Constable, but I am familiar with the Keep from when it was with the Howes. I have a meeting with some local nobles. Perhaps before we depart your _Commander_ will have returned instead of sending his subordinates.”

After the Arl had left Geralt turned to Garevel. “I can't imagine why Nathaniel wasn't eager to meet with him.” he said rolling his eyes, earning him a snort from Garevel.

A few hours later Bethany and Nathaniel strode out of the stables, having just returned from Amaranthine. Geralt waved them down and left the man he had been talking with to walk towards them.

“Commander, Warden Hawke,” he nodded.

“I trust all is well in my absence,” Nathaniel asked.

“Aye. The Arl is here. And I discovered something _interesting_ about your mabari in the process,” Geralt raised his brow, Nathaniel coughed in response but said nothing. “As much as I hate to pull you away, we have some reports on the latest recruits to go over.”

Nathaniel nodded. “I'll see you at breakfast?” Bethany nodded, and he took her hand, placing a soft kiss to the back of it before he walked off with Geralt towards his office.

Bethany watched them walk off, unable to keep the grin from her face, still feeling warmth where his lips had kissed her hand. She was so distracted she hadn't heard anyone approach until he spoke.

“Admiring the Commander, I see.” she turned to see who had spoke, and looked to find a tall blonde man standing near her. He was clearly noble, based on his dress, as tall, if not slightly taller than Nathaniel, and fairly attractive. “Arl Kendell” he introduced himself.

“Warden Hawke,” she nodded in reply.

“You seem like a good soul, Warden Hawke. One who deserves more than to have her heart broken,” the Arl said, sounding concerned.

“I don't follow, Ser,” she said watching the man, trying to determine what had him concerned.

“Nathaniel Howe, my dear. I've known the man for several decades. They called him Heartbreak Howe for a reason. He is infamous for hopping from the beds of one woman to another, I would hate to see you become another conquest of his.” he said giving her a kind look, one that looked trusting, and full of worry.

“I don't think he is doing that, maybe in his past, but this is different,” she explained.

“Ah, let me guess, he is moving slow, a classic move to win your trust. Maybe even telling you that you are like no other. My dear, I've seen him do it time and again. For a while there we all thought he had changed when he announced his betrothal to Arianna Cousland, but a few months later there he was, in the Free Marches, back to his old ways. Just as well I suppose since she lowered herself to marrying an elf of all things, can you imagine? I do not tell you this to be cruel, only to save you from being another of his victims. The man is a snake my dear, not to be trusted.” The Arl touched her arm, giving her a look of sympathy before being called away by the Seneschal.

Bethany watched him walk away. Surely the Arl was mistaken, he hadn't seen the way Nathaniel had looked at her earlier. Hadn't seen the small touches, the gentleness, there was no way that was a game. But then she remembered the blonde woman from earlier, how she had seemed crushed that Nathaniel was not alone, and there had been another, a red head, that watched them through lunch, but never said a word or approached them. What if... no, but, maybe. Doubt crept in, and it was then that Bethany realized she was still standing in the courtyard. She willed back the tears and walked off towards the Senior Warden wing to look for Sigrun.

***

Geralt and Nathaniel were just finishing up the reports, determining which Senior Wardens to assign to each group for further training.

“So, Arl Kendall,” Geralt started, “I had to spend four delightful hours with the man. I think we need to up that to three bottles you owe me. He was quite disappointed not to see you today.”

Nathaniel chuckled, “He only wants to annoy me. I will happily give you three bottles to keep him out of my hair where he cannot cause me any trouble.”

Geralt leaned back in his chair, looking at the sleeping mabari near the fire and grinned. “You two _really_ don't like each other, do you? I'll bump it back down to two bottles if you tell me why.”

“He is a sore loser in something he was never in the running for.” Nathaniel said hoping to end the manner. Geralt just continued to look at him with that annoying grin letting him know he wasn't considering the matter dropped. “Fine,” Nathaniel huffed. “He had been trying to court Arianna Cousland, his father was attempting negotiations. I only know because her brother had told me how their father was trying to push the talks off to allow Arianna to make her own choice. When she and I happened, well he was unwilling to accept that she had made her choice. Ever since then he's been nothing but a thorn in my side.”

“So he's holding on to a grudge from over a decade ago? That's a whole new level of commitment to disdain,” Geralt laughed. “Alright, a deal's a deal. I'll keep him away.”

***

Bethany knocked on the door and waited nervous, twirling her fingers. Sigrun's roomate Elaine answered, “Oh, hi Bethany, come on in.”

“Thanks,” she quietly answered, looking down. The moment she stepped foot in the room, the tears started.

“Oh! Oh my, Sig!” Elaine called to get the dwarf's attention.

Sigrun exited the wash room and upon seeing Bethany was crying rushed over.

“I'll go make myself scarce,” Elaine offered and left the room.

“Bethany, what's wrong?” Sigrun asked motioning for them to sit on her bed and talk.

Bethany sat beside her friend and said nothing for a moment, trying to calm herself and gather her thoughts. “Sigrun, if I ask you something, can you give me a completely honest answer?”

“Of course,” Sigrun patted her hand. “What is it?”

“Command... Nathaniel. You know him pretty well, right?” she asked.

“Aye, ten years or so. I'd say pretty well. Why? What did he do? I'll kick his ass if he hurt you.” She answered.

Bethany shook her head. “It's not... Is he... does he tend to... jump around woman to woman?”

“Oh.” Sigrun replied and then got real quiet. Bethany could feel the tears starting up again, her friend's silence confirming her fears. She really _was_ just another fling.

Sigrun watched her, trying to figure out how best to answer, but knowing she promised Bethany she'd be honest. “He has... been known to do that before. Especially after Commander Arianna left. I think, no I would say I know, part of him had been hoping that her husband wasn't going to come back. He was very clearly in love with her, probably came back thinking they'd pick back up and walk down the aisle I guess. When she left, yes, he did _flutter_ around the ladies.”

“Oh,” Bethany replied feeling a crushing feeling in her chest. It was suddenly becoming harder to breath, and she was unable to stop the tears now.

“No, wait,” Sigrun said trying to calm her friend. “Bethany, that was then. But now, I haven't seen him look at _anyone_ the way he looks at you, not even the Commander. Bethany he may not even realize it yet, I don't know, but he clearly has very strong feelings for you.”

“I don't know,” Bethany replied meekly.

“Well I do. You're my friend, I wouldn't lead you on, not even for my Commanding Officer. Bethany, you're not some fling to him. Trust me, in the ten years I've known him it was Commander Arianai and you, no one else has ever caught his attention seriously. You're special to him, I promise.” Sigrun held her hand, trying to calm her friend.

“How can you know?” Bethany asked.

“It's very obvious, in how he looks at you, how he acts around you. Just talk to him, ask him outright if you need to, you'll see.” Sigrun tried to reassure her. “And if I'm wrong, which I'm not, but if I am, I'll personally beat the living snot out of him for hurting you.”

“Thank you,” Bethany said, hugging her friend. She still felt unsure, but Sigrun's words did give her more to consider than she had.

***

Nathaniel sat in his office signing the last reports for the night, work finally done. As he placed the last paper on the pile, his head started filling with images of a certain brown haired mage, and his ears imagined her voice. He remembered every smile she had given him earlier that day, and every blush that crossed her cheeks with every little touch. It thrilled him to no end to know he had that effect on her. He wondered what would her lips feel like to kiss? How would her body feel pressed against his? Would she want to be kissed gently or rough? How would she feel under him, pressed into the mattress, or over him bouncing up and down? Would she make beautiful noises as he brought her to her climax, or would she be completely silent like many mages were?

After his mind started heading down that way, he had decided that a walk in the cool air was probably best. Knowing every step by heart without having to give it another thought as he had grown up in the building, he was able to just clear his head. He turned the corner, and there she was, leaning against the wall, looking up at the full moon

Nate looked to be sure no one else was around, and convinced it was just the two of them, he paused to watch her. Bethany watched the moon while playing with her long hair, twirling some of it along her finger. She seemed so peaceful in that moment. She wore an expression that made him curious who was she thinking of to make her smile like that.

Gathering up his nerve, he walked towards her. _When did I get so nervous around women_ , he wondered. When her eyes met his he thought he detected a blush appear on her face, as if she'd been caught. It just made her all the more endearing to him. She looked away shyly, which made him melt.

“Enjoying the night air are you?” he asked as he leaned along the wall beside her. She nodded and looked at him through the corner of her eyes, blushing again. Ahh, so he did catch her. “I get the distinct impression I am interrupting something. Should I leave you alone?”

“No,” she said, reaching out for his hand which he happily took. “I was just thinking about something. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he nodded. “Anything at all.”

“Earlier today, when that woman came up, clearly wanting your attention. Why didn't you go with her? I could have just found my way back here if you had wanted.” She asked.

“Why would you think I would want to spend time with her instead of you?” he asked, watching her closely.

“Because she was beautiful, and I'm just...” Bethany moved her hand around as if that would explain it.

“You're just what?” he asked.

“Plain,” she answered quietly, ashamed that he had forced her to say it.

“What?” he asked confused. “You're not plain. Whoever said that to you was wrong.” he took her chin, angling it up to look at him. “Maker, Bethany, you're anything _but_ plain. You are beautiful, but that word isn't enough to capture what you are. You are exquisite, and amazing, and brilliant. You are most definitely _not_ plain.”

Bethany's eyes moved between his eyes, searching them to determine if he was telling the truth. She couldn't see any, but she also knew nobles were infamous for being able to lie right to your face. “Nate?”

“Yes,” he answered, his thumb running along her jaw as he held continued to hold her chin.

“Is this... do I mean something to you or am I just a conquest?” she braced herself for his answer. She had been so terrified to ask him, but she knew Sigrun was right, she had to ask to know.

“What? Who is filling your head with this nonsense?” he asked, sounding more confused then annoyed. Then his eyes narrowed slightly. “Kendall” he all but snarled before looking back at her, his look softening as soon as he looked at her. “Don't listen to anything that... Arl told you. He has his own agenda. This, I'm still trying to figure this out. You make me feel like no one else has before, Bethany. You knocked my whole world off it's axis. Before I met you, I was content, sitting in my office, being the Commander. Now, I want...more.”

Nate stepped closer, almost boxing her in against the wall, but leaving room for her to escape if she wanted. He could feel his heart beat faster.

Bethany looked down but wasn't trying to move away. Nate reached for her chin again, his eyes locked on her face. He tilted her face up until their eyes met.

“Nate.” she said, barely above a whisper, but it was all he needed to hear.

He tilted his head down and captured her lips with his. His hand remained on her cheek as he ran a thumb along it. Bethany did nothing at first, but a few moments later her hands wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled him closer. Nate took half a step, resting one hand on her hip as she stood between him and the wall, pulling her closer.

He ran a tongue along her mouth tangling his with hers when she opened for him. His hand that had been along her hip slid around behind her to the small of her back and pulled her closer still. Nathaniel could tell she was not as experienced as he was in this. He worried he was being too forward, but she tightened her grip in his hair and he relaxed. Throughout the kiss, his heart continued to beat fast, and his head felt like it was spinning. He never wanted the kiss to end, it felt like he was finally breathing for the first time in years, and it was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

When he finally had to pull away for air, he didn't move far, keeping her close enough that he rested his forehead along hers and continued to watch her face. Bethany looked up into his eyes as one of her hands ran along his jaw and cheek. The minute she smiled up at him he knew he was done for, and it didn't bother him in the least.

 

**Art from terra7.deviantart.com:**

** **


	5. Lessons

A moment later she was reaching up to press her lips against his once more, he let her take the lead in this kiss. It was soft, timid almost, her lips moving as if to explore the feel of his against hers. Her fingers ran through his hair, and he could feel her smile against his lips. She bounced back down on her feet watching him with a look that made his heart beat faster.

“You think I'm beautiful,” she sighed.

“No.” he answered, “I know you are. It's just a matter of fact, not an opinion.” He ran his thumb along her cheek as he watched her, seeing the blush slowly form there. He leaned down, pressing a few more soft kisses to her lips. He wanted to spend the rest of the night doing just that, and more, but he had the feeling this was new to her, and he didn't want to rush. Something about the feelings swirling around inside felt different to him. His head told him to be slow, patient, that this was something worth it. They kissed for what felt like hours, relishing the privacy until the chill in the air finally forced them to part.

***

The next day was busy, in no small part because of the Arl's visit as nearby nobles filed in, looking for a word with the man, hoping to have him take their requests with him to Denerim. Bethany was busy with the new trainees she had been assigned, two women, and three men. Unlike the last batch that had been trained to fight against a mage, the Constable had made it clear that these were recruits he wanted trained in how to fight hand to hand with a staff. Unlike in the Anderfels, Commander Howe wanted his Wardens to know how to use multiple weapons, knowing that in battle, you might need to grab whatever was nearby to fight, so the more weapons you were proficient at, the more likely survival was.

“The first step is to get familiar with the balance of the staff,” Bethany explained while demonstrating how she was able to twirl the staff from one hand to the other with ease including around the back. “Pick up your staffs, and stand far enough away from each other that you won't accidentally hit each other.”

Each of them picked up a staff and walked out a safe distance. As they began moving them around in the air, getting the feel, Bethany kept talking, while moving around, “Don't worry about dropping it, and trust me, you will drop it. A lot, in fact at first. Just pick it back up and keep moving it. Pay attention to how it feels in your hands, if it feels uneven, adjust. We're going to keep this up for the rest of the day, because until you can move the staff around easily, without thought, and most importantly, without dropping it, nothing else I teach you will matter.”

The recruits spun, and as she had said, there was the sound of staffs hitting the ground constantly. As she watched, Bethany would occasionally interrupt one to correct an issue. She could see a few of them picking up the nuances quickly, no surprise that it was the two that were used to using a broad sword, which also required knowing how to read a weapon's balance. The rogues, two of which were used to daggers, and the other a bow were lagging, but not too badly, and she was sure that by the end of the day's training, they would have it down. One recruit, Patterson, seemed to be becoming agitated with it, however.

“I'll be away from the main fighting with my bow, this is pointless,” he grumbled.

“I'm going to ignore the fact that you're arguing with a superior officer, Warden Patterson, and remind you that the Darkspawn don't care one lick about your fighting tactics.” Bethany replied, trying to nip it in the bud quickly.

“I'm an archer, how can I be expected to learn this?” he continued to gripe.

“So when your bow breaks, Patterson, and you're in the field, what then? The point of this is that in battle, you can pick up any other weapons that are around, including from fallen Wardens, and use them to fight.” She explained.

“How effective is a stick, really?” he asked.

Bethany had enough, and decided a demonstration was in order. She pulled her staff from her back and began to move towards the Warden. “First off, Wardens, this stab motion is very effective, it will put them off guard.” she demonstrated, the move, jutting the staff forward, and as if on command, Warden Patterson backed up in direct reaction to the movement. “And if you are too close for that,” she hit his staff with hers, knocking it out of his hand, and swept at his legs, knocking the Warden on his behind, “you'll find there are other quick methods to disable your foe.”

“Being an archer is no excuse, Patterson,” she answered this question, looking down at the man. “The Warden-Commander is one, and I can promise you, he is quite efficient with a staff.”

The man was up, dusting himself off, clearly agitated from being put in his place so quickly. “Oh, I'm sure you know all about that, mage.” he sneered.

“Excuse me,” she turned glaring at him. Having grown up all those years with Carver as a brother, it wasn't easy to shake her, and the Warden hadn't upset her at all, but she was not about to let him get away with such a comment.

“Warden Patterson, my office, NOW,” the Constable growled, causing the man to jump as he hadn't noticed Geralt approaching. Bethany nodded her thanks to the man as Patterson grumbled and stormed off towards the Keep. The rest of the recruits stood at attention as the Constable approached. “And how are the rest, fairing?” he asked looking over the recruits. He had been on a patrol, looking in on several trainings, and just happened to have over heard Patterson's comment when he had approached.

“We have a good group, Ser. I think these four will easily be able to move onto some real movements tomorrow. Warden Patterson was actually doing well despite his frustrations.” Bethany explained, noticing a few smiles on the four Wardens, obviously pleased to hear her praise.

“Good, that is good. I'll leave you to them then.” he nodded as he continued, moving on to a group getting trained in archery.

“Alright, excitement over, back to trying not to knock yourself out with a staff,” she nodded to the Wardens who chuckled and them moved back into position, and restarted twirling.

After another two hours she dismissed them. While she knew that first lesson wasn't exciting, it was crucial that they get as good with the balance as they did before moving onto anything else. Tomorrow's lesson would be more entertaining for them, she was sure, as they would begin practicing hits, even if it was gently as the intent was not for them to hurt each other. By the time they had ended, all the disruption caused by Patterson was all but forgotten. They had all done well and she was sure to let them know that when they broke for the day.

Bethany took a sip of water from the nearby pump and then walked back to the Keep figuring she should provide a report of the training to the Constable. She was nearly to the man's office when before she could react, a pair of strong arms pulled her into a hidden alcove, one she hadn't even noticed. Her mana began to flare as she was pulled to a stop, pressed along a body between her and the wall. She let it fade away when she realized who the assailant was, and a large grin appeared as he pulled her closer for a kiss. Lips that were soft, but strong. Before the previous night she'd only ever kissed one man- a boy really- before but after last night, she felt like she had mastered it, Nathaniel proving to be an excellent and thorough teacher.

When the kiss ended she pulled back only a little, his hands still resting on her hips, as he leaned along the wall, and hers on his chest. She looked up at him, feeling her smile return. “I've been missing that, all day.” he whispered to her. One of his hands leaving her hip to cup her cheek.

Bethany leaned into his touch. “Be careful, Ser, if the Commander were to catch us, there may be trouble.”

Nathaniel chuckled, “Oh, I doubt he'll give you much trouble. I hear he has a weak spot for beautiful mage Wardens.” he kissed her again, his tongue requesting entrance which she happily gave. She leaned in, and he responded by pulling her in closer, his arms wrapping tighter.

“Good thing I'm the only mage here then,” she teased.

“It wouldn't matter if there were a hundred. I'd still choose you,” he replied softly against her ear. He willed himself not to react when he felt her shiver in response. He didn't want to scare her off by moving too quickly. 

“I didn't even see this spot, how did you find it?” she asked.

Nathaniel moved his fingertips to her face, putting back some of her hair into place, “One of the advantages of having grown up here. Fergus Cousland and I found plenty of hiding spots. Very useful when you are two fifteen year old boys looking to sneak some whiskey.” He kissed the top of her head. “Unfortunately I must go back to work, but I couldn't wait one more minute without a kiss from you.”

“Well, then, dear Ser. Perhaps another one to tide you over,” she batted her eyes. _Maker_ , she thought, _when did I get so bold. Maybe I've been possessed by Marian._

“That, is not an offer any sane man would pass up,” he replied giving her one last long kiss before sending her back out into the hallway, waiting a few minutes before he reappeared, just on the chance anyone would see.

Bethany brushed a hand through her hair before knocking on the Constable's door, entering when he called out.

Geralt coughed, and signaled with his hand that she had to fix her lipstick. She blushed, taking a handkerchief that he offered and wiped at her face.

“I certainly hope that was from our Commander or my next meeting with him is going to be very awkward,” Geralt teased.

Bethany blushed again, handing back the fabric to him. “You are saved from awkwardness then.”

Geralt gave her a comforting grin and handed her a glass of water. “Patterson has been reprimanded. He'll be too tired from night watch tonight to give you much of a hard time tomorrow I suspect.”

“Thank you, Constable. It wasn't necessary.” she nodded, taking his water.

“Geralt, we're off duty now. And it was. The Commander made it clear when you were transferred here that he wouldn't tolerate anyone being hostile towards you because you were a mage. My reaction had nothing to do with your relationship with the Commander, and everything to do with his comment about you being a mage. You are also his superior officer, and he needed to be reminded of that as well. I just made sure the discipline came from me, so that there can be no claims of favoritism on Nate's part.” Geralt assured her.

“It's appreciated.” she replied. “Did you... have you heard anything back from the letters you wrote?” she asked him.

Geralt shook his head, “No one has seen your sister that I've heard from yet, I'm sorry. Have you asked Nate?”

“It... well honestly it hadn't occurred to me, but I will,” she nodded.

“Well now onto the boring matter of these reports, shall we?” he asked offering her a seat near his desk so they could pour over them together. Even though she had only known him for a little over a month, she'd come to be very comfortable with Geralt, finding him to be a nicer version of Carver in many ways. She missed Carver, that was without doubt, but she hadn't realized how much she missed just having a brother, until Geralt, and it seemed to be a role he eagerly stepped into with her.

***

Up to this point, Nathaniel had done an excellent job of avoiding the Arl completely, between the trip to Amaranthine and his Commander duties. The insufferable man was scheduled to leave within another two hours, but it seemed fate was not kind enough to him as he turned a corner nearly walking into him.

“Ahh, Nathaniel, I was hoping to see you,” Arl Kendall nodded.

“Aidan, I'm busy.” Nathaniel replied.

“It's Arl, Commander,” he corrected to which Nathaniel just raised an annoyed eyebrow but said nothing.

“As is said, _Arl_ ,” the disdain clear in his voice, “I'm busy and have no time for _catching up_.”

“Chasing women hardly counts as busy, Howe. You've changed very little, I see.” the Arl challenged him.

Nathaniel flexed his fist behind his back. He wondered how much trouble he'd get from the Seneschal for striking the Arl, but decided against it in the end. “You know less than nothing about me _Arl_ , now if you'll excuse me.” he attempted to move around the man, only to have him block it.

“I know plenty. You are a skirt chaser and little else. You even go after those that are not yours, and then go right back to your lothario ways when you have had your fun.” Aidan snarled.

“Arianna was never _yours_ to begin with, and you know nothing about my feelings for her.” he could feel himself losing his patience.

“Really, if you and her are so close, then where is she? When is it you last heard from her? Or did she finally come to her senses about who you really are?” Aidan stepped closer.

“No one has heard from her, and you know that. Now move,” Nathaniel shoved past him, all the elation from the stolen kisses gone, replaced by ire and annoyance, and worry for a lost friend at the Arl's mention of her.

He was several feet away when the Arl spoke again, “That's not true at all. Or haven't you heard the stories of her and the Commander of the Inquisition's army? Seems they were spotted together in an Inn not a week back.”

Nathaniel paused only for a moment before moving on. At least that meant she was still alive, even if hearing she was with Cullen Rutherford of all men. He'd only met him once, at Zevran's funeral, but the man seemed too much of a 'by the book goody two shoes' for Nathaniel's liking, and not at all the type that was right for her. She was happier with someone with a dark streak. It was why she'd been drawn to him, and then her assassin. Rutherford was all wrong for her, _but at least she's alive_ , he reminded himself as he stormed into his office, slamming the door. He slumped in his chair. It wasn't jealousy he was feeling, it was annoyance that rather than return home to her child, rather than reach out to him or her brother and let them know she was alive, she was fooling around in some inn with the pretty boy Commander. Where were her priorities?

Geralt paused around the corner having heard the door slam. _So much for lovestruck, happy Commander_ he thought with a sigh. He hung his head, hoping at least their nightly briefing would be, well, brief.

 


	6. Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to thank SiryaEbonyBlack who has been an amazing beta through all of this!!!

Nathaniel was barely in Fergus' library when he was slammed into by a screaming, giggling nine year old. He chuckled and bent down to give her a proper hug. “Hi, Peanut.” he said wrapping his arms around her.

“Hi, Uncle Nate,” Eleanor smiled, placing a kiss on his cheek. “We're drawing pictures, and then later I'm going to make bread with Aunt Elissa and tomorrow we are going to have a picnic, and then later we can go for a ride, and I have my bow so you can help me shoot it and is Aidan here?”

Nathaniel chuckled at her excitement and nodded, giving a short whistle. His mabari came walking in slowly, but barked once with excitement and trotted over quickly to the Princess to get his own hug.

Nathaniel stood up, patting the girl once on her head, leaving her to play with the dog. He moved further into the room, shaking Fergus' hand as the other man rose to greet him. “Nate, glad to see you've arrived. Maybe I can get a nap now.” he chuckled.

“You love it and you know it.” Nate laughed in response. “Elissa, wonderful to see you as well.” he kissed the Teyrna on her cheek.

“I think my dear husband just forgets how much energy his niece has is all. I half think he invites you merely for backup.” she chuckled.

Eleanor came over to where they were, Aidan walking beside her. “Are you going to draw with us?” she asked him.

“Maybe later,” he said sitting down. “I have something for you, he pulled a bag out from his pack and handed it to her.

Her eyes got big as she opened the cloth sack and pulled out a stuffed griffon doll. “Wow!” she said in astonishment. “Uncle King said the Wardens used to have griffons, he showed me drawings of them. I can't wait for him to meet Biff.” she exclaimed, referring to the stuffed druffalo he had given her when she was very small. “Thanks Uncle Nate,” she kissed his cheek again, and then ran off, with Aidan close behind, to play with her new toy.

“Ahh, quiet. I knew I was glad to see you,” Fergus chuckled sitting back in his chair.

***

The next few weeks went by quickly, and now Nate was gone, a visit to the Teyrn. Bethany found it odd how much she missed him, and he hadn't even been gone a day yet. The days had gone so quickly, while they were both so busy, not a single day had passed where he hadn't sought her out, even for just a quick kiss, a tender touch on the cheek, to let her know he'd been thinking of her. It was strange, how that had suddenly become a pattern for her, and now that he was away, she found herself missing that down any path he could be lurking, to pull her into an embrace, to tell her how much he missed her smile. She'd been so swept away, that she had completely forgotten to ask him about her sister. She made a note to herself to do so when he returned, after several minutes of kissing, of course.

Bethany sighed, while looking out into the sky. She was standing along the parapet, leaning against the same wall he had kissed her that first time. Just thinking about that kiss made her feel warm and tingly. She had a few spare hours, a rarity, and she planned to use it doing nothing at all, which felt sinful, but wonderful. Bethany had heard enough of the whisperings around to know that Nathaniel had been a ladies man, often flitting from one woman to another in quick succession, although it seemed that except for her, he'd never dallied with any Wardens. He took his command seriously, so it didn't surprise her that he wouldn't have risked it by doing so. What did worry her a little was hearing that he'd only had one serious relationship before, and it was the one she already knew about, with the Hero of Ferelden. That information worried Bethany more than any other. She'd look herself in the mirror, and even though Nathaniel kept telling her how beautiful she was, she wondered if he'd still say that if she was standing next to the Hero. While Sigrun had tried to reassure her that she had nothing to worry about, there was always that little worry nibbling at the back of her mind, that just like with Anders, she was setting herself up for heartbreak. But then she'd turn a corner, and there would be Nathaniel, and the way he'd look at her, the intensity in his eyes would melt away that worry again. Surely a man didn't look a woman that way if she was just his second choice, right?

Bethany sighed. She wished Marian was here, Marian would know what to tell her, she was good at reading people. Isabella was too, actually. Thinking of the pirate made her miss everyone in Kirkwall, even Fenris who would usually just shoot her looks that made it clear he didn't trust her. Given his past, she could understand that it wasn't personal, but she still wondered how angry he'd be knowing a _mage_ as he always said with such disdain, was missing even him. For years Bethany had been angry in the Wardens. She understood Marian had done it to save her life, but still, she was angry, her life over before it had really began. Then came that day she got the letter from Marian carrying the heavy news of their mother's death, and worse yet, that Marian thought herself to blame. It was then that Bethany released her anger, and for the first time in years, wrote back to her sister, realizing that they were each others only remaining family, save Uncle Gamlin. And then she came to Vigils Keep, and for the first time, Bethany finally found a sense of belonging in the Wardens. She was making friends, and she'd found Nathaniel, and a small part of that filled her heart, but still she found herself missing Kirkwall, and meeting up at Varric's table to play cards. Missed Isabella telling her dirty stories just to make her blush, missed Merrill always asking for explanations, missed all of them, every last bit of the rag tag misfits Marian had gathered around them.

Bethany pushed off from the wall, deciding that depressing herself by thinking of those she was missing was probably not the best use of her afternoon break. A quick stop to her room to freshen up and then seeing what Sigrun was up to was probably better, so she left her secluded spot to do just that. Walking into her room she stopped noticing the flower by her bed. She had gotten used to the fact that unlike in the Anderfels, this was still an Arling, and therefore there were maids to clean up, not that her room was ever a mess, so having someone in the room was not at all that odd, but the flower was. A simple yellow rose. Bethany sat on her bed, sniffing the rose and then picked up the note nearby.

_I know this is not the same as a stolen kiss, but I hope it is enough to let you know I will be thinking of you while I'm gone._

_\- Nate_

Bethany clutched the paper to her chest, and couldn't help but have the largest smile on her face. He was thinking of her. Even though he'd only be gone about a week, that he was thinking of her, well she felt like giggling like a school girl. He must have told the maid to leave this for her, and somehow knowing he'd planned it out, made her smile even more. She lovingly placed the note back on the table and went to the table to brush her hair before leaving, giving the flower one more look before she left.

Elaine opened the door when Bethany knocked, waving her in when she saw who it was. “Well don't you look happy!” she teased.

Sigrun patted her bed and Elaine and Bethany joined her to sit on it. “Well, I expected a lot more moping with the Commander gone,” she chuckled.

Bethany's grin grew. “I was, but then I found a rose, and a note from him in my room.” she sighed.

Elaine awwed, and Sigrun chuckled, patting Bethany's hand. “You, my dear, are being wooed.”

“I am?” she asked, surprised. She hadn't thought of it, but the thought that someone like Nathaniel Howe was purposefully seeking her favor, it was confirmation that she really was more than just a passing interest to him. Even though he had told her that, and Sigrun had as well, that little flower in her room suddenly meant so much more, and Bethany felt dizzy with excitement. The next week couldn't go by fast enough as far as she was concerned.

***

Fergus handed Nathaniel a glass with brandy. “I wonder if the Arl does that too,” he said looking at the mabari near the fire licking his balls.

Nathaniel snorted, “I'm sure no one else would. Bugger was at the Keep a few weeks back.”

“Oh, I can imagine that went delightfully.” Fergus chuckled.

“Mmm. He mentioned Ari being in an Inn with the Commander of the Inquisition recently,” Nathaniel swirled around the drink in the glass.

“I doubt seriously there's much to that. For one, if she was back, she'd be trying to figure out a way to see Eleanor, and two, last I knew, she didn't seem interested in the man that way. In fact last I knew, _you_ were the man she was sneaking around with.” Fergus shot him a knowing look.

Nathaniel shook his head, “Haven't heard from her since Aidan was delivered. And things have... changed.”

Fergus sat up quickly, pointing his finger at Nathaniel, “I knew it! I knew you had that look. There's a woman.” he exclaimed.

“What look?” Nathaniel asked confused.

“The same look you had a day before I caught you and Ari in that cabin. Who is she? Who is this lady that has captured the heart of 'Heartbreak Howe',” Fergus teased him, knowing how much his friend hated that name.

Nathaniel took another sip of the brandy, shaking his head. “I never said I was in love,” he looked at Fergus and continued, “another Warden. Bethany.”

Fergus chuckled. “You didn't have to, I can see it written all over your face.” He sat back in his chair, “Well at least I don't have to worry about you and my sister kissing anymore.”

“Why were you kissing Mamá?” came Eleanor's voice from the doorway.

Nathaniel shot a glare at Fergus before turning to the girl. “He was talking about...”

“Only Papá is allowed to kiss her, not you. I hate you!!!” Eleanor yelled running from the room, tears already falling.

“Come on big mouth, we better go fix this,” Nathaniel sighed, looking at Fergus who looked just as crestfallen that he'd upset the Princess.

They entered her room to find Eleanor thrown on her bed crying into her pillow, her hand clutching the locket the King had given her. Nathaniel sat on the bed, Fergus on the other side of her. “Eleanor,” he said quietly.

“Go away. I don't like you anymore,” Eleanor sobbed into her pillow.

“Peanut, look at me,” Nathaniel said, brushing her hair away so he could see her face.

The girl pushed away his hand with the one not holding her locket. “No, I hate you, Papá is going to stab you and make you dead for kissing her. She only loves him, not you, only him.” her sobs became louder and Nathaniel could tell she was crying for missing Zevran, not because of him.

Nathaniel tugged lightly on her arm, “Come here, Ele,” he pulled her gently into his lap. The girl still sobbed, but she clung to him instead of pushing him away. Nathaniel hugged her close while Fergus reassuringly rubbed her back. “Peanut, what you heard your Uncle Fergus say, that was very long ago. And I'm sorry it hurt you.”

“So,” she sniffled into his chest, “You haven't seen Mamá recently?”

“No, Ele, I haven't. None of us have, and we're missing her just as you are,” he tried to reassure her.

“Uncle Cullen sees her, and he brings her my drawings.” she replied

Nathaniel gave Fergus another look, one that said _I told you so_.

“Do you think she doesn't love me anymore? Does she have a new little girl and doesn't need me?” Eleanor asked, still sniffling.

“No Ele, I promise you, where ever she is, she loves you more than anything.” Nathaniel rocked her in his arms. “Are you done hating me?”

“Papá is only supposed to kiss her. You can't because,” she sniffled, while looking up at him “she only loves him. You can't kiss her ok?”

“I promise Eleanor. I won't kiss her. I know she loves your father. She loves you too. I can't kiss her anyway, I have someone else I like.” He was trying desperately to get the girl to stop the tears.

“You do?” she asked, her eyes big, but her crying slowing. “Can I meet her?”

“One day perhaps,” Nathaniel nodded. “Are we ok?”

Eleanor looked at him and sighed, leaning against his chest. “Ok, but no more kissing Mamá.”

“I promise,” Nathaniel said relieved.

***

Bethany was sitting at her desk drawing. Sigrun was away on patrol, and Elaine was on guard duty, and the thought of spending her free time with Oghren just sent a shiver down her, so she decided instead on drawing to pass the time. She finished her piece, sitting back to look at it, and sighed. The strong jaw, the dark eyes. Without planning on it, she'd once again drawn Nathaniel. She flipped through the last few pages of the book and realized that pretty much all she had drawn lately was him. She wished, once again, that Marian was there so she could ask her what that meant, although she had a suspicion already.

This last week with him gone, she'd missed him even more than she missed her sister. Her thoughts were often wandering back to him, especially when alone and it made the longing for him all the more intense. Geralt and Sigrun had very obviously tried to keep her busy with card games and planning sessions, and she loved them for that, but until he was back tomorrow, she'd still feel that pull on her heart. If Marian was here, she'd ask her if this was love, if this was more than just infatuation, more than just excitement of finally having someone's attentions. She looked at her latest drawing and the flower by her bed, fully in bloom now, and smiled.

She decided maybe it was best to just go to bed, that would bring her that much closer to his return. She could talk to Geralt, he'd been married, so he must know what it felt like to be in love, he'd help her figure this out, she was sure. Then she worried her lip, what if he was like Carver, would he tease her about this, call her a silly girl? Bethany shook her head again, no, no Geralt wasn't like Carver. Where Carver had been quick to temper, Geralt was patient and kind. He'd listen without getting angry, she was sure. Her mind made up for a plan of action, Bethany sat up from her desk, planning to prepare herself for bed, but a knock on the door turned her attentions.

She opened it and felt like both crying with joy and sighing with relief at the sight that greeted her. He was holding another rose, his mouth just the slightest of a grin, but his eyes.... those eyes that locked right in on hers, made her feel like she was stuck in place. The look in those eyes made her instantly feel too warm in her own skin, made her feel like she was Andraste herself. He reached out a hand to take hers and she felt like melting on the spot.

“I couldn't wait another minute to see you,” Nathaniel said, placing his lips on the back of her hand.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're not sure who Eleanor or Elissa are:
> 
> Princess Eleanor is the daughter of Zevran and the Warden - now adopted by King Alistair. Not sure why? Read "Love & Darkspawn"
> 
> Elissa is Fergus' new wife - we're introduced to her in "Searching for the Cure"


	7. Not Who I Am

**That morning**

Nathaniel leaned against the door to the Highever kitchen watching the two ladies at work. Elissa was rolling out dough, while Eleanor was decorating already cut out pieces. He couldn't hear what they were saying to each other, but he could hear the laughter they were sharing. He couldn't help the grin on his face. Over the last year he'd come to adore Elissa, she had proven to be a balm to his friend's soul. Fergus no longer walked around with the haunted look that he had worn for so many years. It was good to see the man happy again. And Eleanor appeared to have gained an Aunt that she also adored, someone to giggle with, and conspire against her Uncle Fergus good naturedly.

He pushed off from the door frame and entered the kitchen, both of them looking up when they heard him. Eleanor beamed at him. “Uncle Nate! We're making cookies. I made one for Aidan too.”

Nathaniel messed her hair with his hand earning him a delighted squeal from her. “I'm sure he will be very appreciative of it, Ele.”

He took one of the hot cookies from the tray near them earning him a playful smack from Elissa. “Those are for later, Nate.”

He chuckled in response but didn't give up the cookie, as he moved to sit next to Eleanor. The girl handed him the bowl of nuts to add to the tops of the cookies to decorate with her. As Elissa turned to get her knife to cut the latest dough, he reached across the table and swiped another cookie, pressing a finger to his lips to let Eleanor know to be quiet. He then broke it in half and gave one piece to the girl. Elissa turned around to see them both with their ill-gotten treasure.

“So apparently your silence can be bought for half a stolen cookie?” she teased Eleanor.

“My dear, you should know never to trust a rogue.” Fergus laughed as he entered the kitchen. He gave his wife a kiss on the cheek. “Now what are we up to?”

“We're making cookies!” Eleanor proudly announced.

“And your no good friend here is stealing them all,” Elissa added with a laugh.

“Now dear, be nice to poor Nathaniel. He's having a war right now between heart and mind. Didn't you know, he's in love but won't admit it.” Fergus said with a raised eyebrow, looking right at Nathaniel.

“I never said I was in love,” Nathaniel replied.

“See, didn't I tell you,” Fergus chuckled, giving Elissa a squeeze with one arm.

“You're in love, Uncle Nate?” Eleanor asked excitedly. “Are you going to marry her like Uncle Fergus and Aunt Elissa?”

“I'm not,” Nathaniel said standing from the table his good nature seeming to have disappeared. “Your Uncle doesn't know what he's talking about.” He walked out of the kitchen.

Elissa raised an eyebrow while Fergus whistled. “Oh, he's got it worse than I realized!” he said, he then looked at Eleanor. “Your Uncle Nate is a stubborn, stubborn man.”

Eleanor looked to the door, “Will he be ok?”

Fergus gave the girl a kiss on the head, “He will be. I'll go talk to him, ok?” She nodded seeming to feel more relaxed with Fergus' assurance.

Fergus looked for his friend for a good twenty minutes around the castle before deciding he must be outside. It only took a moment for him to find him once outside, hearing the familiar thump, thump noise coming from near the private archery range that had once been his mother's. Nathaniel saw him approach but said nothing, continuing to shoot arrows. Fergus quietly watched until the rogue seemed to calm somewhat, and finally put his bow down. Nathaniel joined Fergus on the bench.

“I am not in love,” he protested again.

“For a rogue, you are a horrible liar.” Fergus give him a smile. “I know you as a brother, Nathaniel. You can't fool me, no matter how much you deny it. What are you so afraid of?”

“I don't fall in love, it's not what I do.” Nathaniel answered.

“You do, or at least you did once,” Fergus replied.

“That...that was different. And what if she doesn't return those affections.” Nathaniel kept his eyes on the archery field.

“And what if she does? Take a chance, Nate. If I'm wrong you can hold this over my head, but I don't think I am.” Fergus answered. “Go, stop putting it off and just tell her.” He tried to reassure him.

Nathaniel raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure this isn't just some scheme to keep me away from Ri?”

Fergus laughed, “Yes, because every other attempt at that has worked so well before. No, and you're procrastinating. Go say goodbye to Ele and get out of here.”

When he first left Highever, Nathaniel was feeling nervous. What if Fergus' advice was bad, what if he said those words to her and she told him she didn't feel the same. The closer to Vigils Keep he got, the more confidence he picked up, as if returning to his home was emboldening him. He practically ran from the stables to her door, stopping to grab a flower off the table when he passed.

The moment she opened the door, his breath was taken away. He'd only been gone a week, actually less than that as he had returned early. But it was as if in that short time he'd forgotten how beautiful she really was. His nerves came rushing back the moment he looked into her eyes. She started to blush as he took her hand, placing a soft kiss to it.

“I couldn't wait another minute to see you,” he said as he walked into her room.

The moment the door closed he was upon her, he took her face in both hands, and captured her lips. Those soft lips that he loved the feel of, oh Maker how he had missed those lips. He heard Bethany sigh and her hands wrapped around behind his head, one of them playing with the back of his hair.

Nathaniel broke from the kiss, but barely moved away from her, still keeping their foreheads together to stare into her eyes. All the bravery he'd mustered up dissipated. He was terrified once again to speak those words in his heart. What if she didn't feel the same, he didn't want this thing between them to end yet.

“You're here,” she sighed, as another smile graced that beautiful mouth.

He nodded and then pressed his lips to hers again. This kiss was slower, but no less passionate. He pulled her closer, an arm wrapped around her waist, the other in her hair. She opened her mouth when he ran his tongue along her lips and he felt an appreciative hum as he deepened the kiss. She had been unsure, and timid the first time they had kissed, but over the passing month, she had proven to be a quick study. The kiss she was returning to him now all but took his breath away.

Nathaniel moved from her lips, kissing along her jaw, and back to her ear, while at the same time walking them back, until she was leaning against her desk. As he nibbled her ear, Bethany felt like she was going to collapse, her legs all but giving out, but he held her up. The hand that had been on the back of her head moved to the side of her neck, caressing it affectionately before moving to her shoulder and decollete. Everywhere he touched made her feel like she was more on fire. His lips moved from her ear, down her neck, stirring up those butterflies in her stomach again. Bethany gripped his back tighter, frightened but at the same time thrilled, wanting to keep him in place. She lifted her head, giving him more access to her neck, his lips moving slowly up and down them, alternating between soft kisses and tender nibbles that excited her even more. The hand that had been on her decollete moved lower, cupping her breast and she panicked, pulling back while pushing at him very slightly.

The moment she had, she regretted it, as the kisses had stopped. She looked in his eyes, expecting hurt, or for him to be upset, but it was still the same soft look that always made her knees weak. “I'm sorry,” she whispered, suddenly feeling very stupid.

Nathaniel shook his head. He chastised himself in his head, in his desire, he had forgotten that she was inexperienced in all of this. He had little doubt she was most likely a virgin, and he was ashamed that he'd moved too quick. He kissed her lips softly, wanting to reassure her that his affections for her hand not changed. It was short, soft, but it seemed to set her at ease as he felt her relax again.

He stood back, just enough to be able to fully look at her, but close enough that she would know he was not upset. His hand moved to her cheek, tenderly caressing it. Those three words still stuck in his throat, and now he knew was not the time, she'd think he was saying it for the wrong reasons. “You never need to say sorry. I moved too fast, it is I who should ask for the forgiveness. I find it hard to control myself around you, but I will do better.” he kissed her again. “I promise, you set the pace.” She nodded, and sighed again, her fingertips running along his jaw.

“I should go,” he sighed, “ lest I lose control again.”

She held his hand as he walked to her door, turning before he opened it. “I need to see my sister, would you accompany me to Amaranthine tomorrow?”

She nodded, still unable to find her voice. Nathaniel bent down giving her one last kiss, “Until tomorrow then.”

Once the door closed behind him, she collapsed against it, her heart feeling like it was beating a mile a minute. Her fingertips went to her lips, touching where she could still feel his kiss, and a grin that wouldn't leave. Those butterflies remained. Three little words had nearly escaped her mouth earlier when he was kissing her neck. _I love you_. Would he have returned that sentiment, she wondered, or would he have told her that she was reading more into his affections than was there. She wasn't sure, all she knew is she felt herself wishing all the more that Marian was there for her to talk to about everything now swirling in her head.

She decided sleep was no longer an option, feeling too exhilarated and a bit nervous from Nathaniel's visit. Deciding a walk was the best option she left her room after placing the new rose in the vase her other one was in. The new red one accented the yellow rose from last week very nicely, she thought.

She knocked on Sigrun's door, but no one answered, meaning they were either asleep already or on patrol. She sighed and continued her walk, to no where in particular. She was so focused on what was in her head that she nearly walked right into Geralt as he was reading a report, the man holding out his hands to capture her shoulders preventing the collision at the last moment.

“Oh, oh my goodness, I'm sorry,” she blushed in response.

He chuckled, “So, does this daze your in have anything to do with our Commander being back a day early?”

“I.. it...” she took a deep breath and started again, “Yes.”

Geralt gave her a concerned look, “Is everything alright?”

Bethany shrugged, “Just missing having an older sibling to talk to I guess. I was talking to them in my head just now, and then Carver, my brother, started to argue with me and call me names and it sort of went downhill from there. And, Maker, I just realized how insane that sounds when I say it out loud.”

Geralt chuckled again and shook his head. “No, not at all. I have long winded debates in here with mine all the time,” he pointed to his head, “and it sometimes degrades to me pulling her hair and calling her a brat.”

Bethany gave him a small smile, “Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not the only one insane then.”

Geralt gave her another look. “I can't promise to call you names, but if you need someone to be the older brother to talk to, I'd be happy to help.” Bethany nodded in reply, and he held his arm out to indicate they should adjourn to his office. The more he had gotten to know her, the more she reminded him of his sister. They wrote each other often, but he didn't see her as much as he would like, him being busy with the Wardens, her with her husband, four boys and a farm. It felt nice to be able to fill the role of big brother again, even if Bethany was a few years younger than his actual sister.

Geralt handed Bethany a glass of water and motioned for them to sit near the fire. “So what's up? Why are you wandering the halls instead of taking advantage of Nathaniel being back early.”

Bethany worried her lip, showing a lot of interest in her glass. “Hey, is everything ok with you two?” Geralt asked, concerned.

She looked up at him, “Huh? What? Oh, yes, it's ok, we're going to Amaranthine tomorrow. It's just,” she paused, “I'm not sure if you really want to hear this.”

“Hey,” he held out his hand and took hers, “right now it's brother-sister, not Constable-Senior Warden, ok?”

Bethany seemed to relax. “Nate's pretty experienced, with women I mean.” Geralt nodded but didn't interrupt. “I'm... well I'm not. What if,” she bit her lip again, “what if I'm not any good, what if I'm awful. What if,” she looked down again, “what if I'm not sure if I'm ready? I like him, a lot, maybe more,” she sighed and leaned back in her chair.

He squeezed her hand. “Oh, lots of questions there, ok. First, when it's time, you'll be just fine, I promise. And if you're not sure you're ready, then wait. Trust me, Nathaniel will wait, and if won't, he's not the right one. But he'll wait.”

“How do you know?” she asked, looking unconvinced.

“Because I see how he looks at you Bethany, he's crazy about you. I used to look at my Ann-Marie like that.” he reassured her, “Trust your big brother. When you're ready, you'll know.”

Bethany watched him for a moment, feeling better than she had earlier. His words about how Nate looked at her made her feel nervous, but in a good way, all over again. She couldn't help the shy smile again. “You're not so bad at this brother thing. I never really realized until recently how much I missed Marian and Carver, thanks.” A small tear ran down her face.

“We'll find her,” he squeezed her hand again. “Until then, anytime you need, my door's open, ok?”

She nodded, watching him for a moment closely.

“What?” he asked.

“That song you're humming, what is it?” She asked.

Geralt shrugged, “Dunno, just seems stuck in my head. Why?”

Bethany shook her head, “Just curious, my friend, Elaine, was singing it the other day when we were playing cards.”

“I dunno, maybe I heard it at the tavern.”

***

Bethany met Nathaniel at the stables. Since he was still off duty for the day, they were dressed more casual. She in longer deep blue robes, her favorite set. She grinned, noticing him in leather pants, a black long sleeved shirt. It was weird to see him out of uniform, but seeing him now, he looked very much the part of a noble, and somehow it made him even more attractive. He was speaking with Michael, his head turned, and as soon as he noticed her, his eyes caught fire, the grin on his face made her feel the butterflies kick up again. As soon as she was near him he leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek.

The trip to the city went quick, or at least it seemed that way to her, as they talked on the trip. He told her some of his visit to the Teyrn of Highever, including some stories of the two of them growing up as best friends. She shared with him stories of living in Lothering.

“I saw you once, when I was there,” she admitted.

“You did?” he asked, “When?”

“A really long time ago. I was maybe 13 or 14. You were there with a few other people, some guy that looked about your age, and then a younger boy, and two girls. I didn't exactly know it was you then, just that you were a noble. But now, looking back, I'm sure it was you,” she smiled, trying to remember.

He nodded. “That most likely would have been my brother and sister, and the Couslands.”

“I didn't know you had a brother,” she said, and grinned, amazed that had meant she'd seen the Hero a few years before she'd become the Hero.

“Had,” he corrected. “Thomas died at Ostagar.”

“Oh, I'm sorry,” she replied, sad to bring it up.

“It's alright,” he gave her a comforting smile, “that was many years ago. So, what did you think?”

She laughed, “I thought you were a prat and a spoiled noble.”

Nathaniel laughed loudly, “Back then, you probably weren't far off in your assessment.”

A few hours later they were standing outside a small home in Amaranthine. Bethany shuffled from foot to foot while Nathaniel held her hand and smirked. “Relax.”

“What if she hates me?” Bethany asked. “She's your only family and if she hates me what then?”

“She won't hate you. Trust me.” He kissed her cheek.

“How can you be so sure?” she asked.

“Because she likes me and I'm way harder to like than you are,” he squeezed her hand.

Albert answered the door. “Nathaniel, welcome. Come on in” the large man stepped aside making room for them both to enter.

As they entered a woman came out of the kitchen wiping her hands on an apron. She had long black hair, a warm smile, and looked a lot like Nathaniel. Her grin grew where she saw him, “Nathaniel, it's so good to see you.” she pulled him into a hug.

“And who is this?” his sister asked.

“Del, this this Bethany, my sister Delilah.” he introduced them.

“Well hello Bethany,” she smiled warmly at her and then turned to her brother speaking softly, “she's beautiful.”

Bethany blushed slightly, she had overheard the comment. A moment later, a young boy entered the house, “Uncle Nathaniel!” he rushed over and hugged Nate.

When he pulled back Nathaniel mussed up the boy's hair. “Hi Alex. Alex, this is Bethany.”

“Hi,” the boy smiled up at her and she returned the greeting.

“Maker, Del, he looks even more like Thomas than last time.” Nathaniel said.

His sister nodded, “So, not that we aren't happy to have you any time, but what brings you around?”

“I was hoping to talk to you, alone,” Nathaniel answered. “Maybe after lunch?”

Delilah chuckled, “Ok, hint taken. Bethany, why don't you help me get everything ready while the boys set up the table.”

Bethany followed the woman into the kitchen preparing to be grilled once they were alone, but instead Delilah just poured some stew in a few bowls and passed them to her to place on a tray as she smiled. The woman could sense her nerves. “Relax, I'm not about to chase away the first girl my brother's ever taken the time to introduce to me, so your safe from any grilling.” she winked at her, “at least for now.” she said with a light laugh that put Bethany at ease instantly.

They brought out the stew and some biscuits and everyone sat to enjoy the meal. Alex talked through most of it, clearly excited to see his uncle. It was mostly about school, or working with his father at his store. He also asked tons of questions, where was Aidan, did Bethany have a mabari, did they ever fight dragons, and on and on. Through it all Nathaniel laughed and answered everything the boy asked. It was a side of him Bethany hadn't seen before, him with family, and she liked how relaxed he seemed.

After the meal, as he had requested, he and Delilah left the rest of them and headed into her bedroom so they could talk, leaving Bethany in the main room with Albert and Alex. She was grateful that she'd talked with Albert enough during card games that she could at least feel comfortable with him. Alex, however, was completely taken with her.

“So, you're a mage?” the boy asked.

“Alex,” his father warned.

“No, it's alright,” Bethany answered. “Yes, I am.”

The boy's eyes lit up. “Wow!” he said impressed. “Did you ever set anyone on fire?”

Bethany laughed, “No, I try not to do that.”

“Oh,” said the boy sounding disappointed.

“Lightning's more my thing,” Bethany continued, and Alex's eyes got wide again.

“That's so neat!!!!” the boy exclaimed.

Delilah and Nathaniel reentered a few minutes later, and Bethany noticed that he looked less nervous than he had when they had left to talk. Whatever it was about, she decided it must have gone well.

“Hey, she's with me,” Nathaniel teased his nephew who was now leaning on the couch on Bethany's arm.

“I like her, Uncle Nathaniel. She's really neat. Did you know she can make a floating ball of light?” Alex was excited again.

“Glad to hear that runt, but we need to be leaving, so say goodbye.” Nathaniel tussled the boy's hair again.

“Will you come back again sometime?” he asked Bethany.

She looked up at Nathaniel who nodded. “I guess so.” to which Alex cheered.

After they left, hand in hand again, Nathaniel squeezed her hand. “I hope Alex didn't drive you too crazy.”

“No, he's cute,” she grinned up at him, earning her another kiss on the cheek.

They walked back to the stables, and were nearly to the city gates when they heard someone call out his name. Nathaniel turned to see who was calling and Bethany heard him growl in response.

“Lady Esmerelle,” he said, keeping his tone even.

“Nathaniel. I was hoping it was you, this saves me a trip to the Keep. We are in need of more patrols again,” she said, her voice light, but Bethany got the distinct impression this woman didn't like Nathaniel anymore than he liked her.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, “I'll see what can be done after I return. Now if there's nothing more?”

“No. Thank you Nathaniel.” she placed a hand on his arm. “Your loyalty is appreciated, your father always took good care of us, and I am so pleased to see you are following in his footsteps.”

She walked away, Bethany shook her head, just one more noble she couldn't stand. She leapt onto her horse, and looked over to see Nathaniel with a scowl, and an expression she'd never seen before. He said nothing, leading them out of town.

They traveled for nearly an hour with him saying nothing, the scowl seeming to have become permanent while he was lost in thought. Having waited long enough for him to say, well, _anything_ she decided to break the silence. “Nate?”

He stopped the horse and looked at her, his scowl at least fading some, and he let out a sigh. “Do you need to get back tonight?”

“No, do you want to talk?”

“No.” he shook his head. “At least not now. Follow me, I have somewhere I'd like to go.”

They turned down another path, and she followed him in silence again for another two hours. Up ahead she could see the trees open into a field, and in the field sat a large house. Nathaniel led them to a small stable. He helped Bethany down from her horse, taking her hand to walk towards the house.

“This house was built as a gift for Thomas, but he died before he ever got to use it. It's sort of become a hideaway for me. Come,” he squeezed her hand as he led her through the door. She was relieved that at least he seemed to be talking again.

Once inside he gave her a tour, it had clearly been built for a family to occupy, with a master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms, along with a small library, a kitchen and a living room. Nathaniel pointed out a few things he had decorated the house with that had been family heirlooms from the Howe family. They ended the tour back in the kitchen.

“I just need some time to myself,” he told her.

She wondered if that was his way of telling her to leave. “Is everything ok?” she worried.

He placed a soft kiss to her lips. “It will be, I'm going to hole up in one of the small bedrooms. You can take the master for yourself. I just, I need to think.”

She nodded, and he embraced her, placing another soft kiss on her lips before he went to the bedroom. She looked around, the place was clean, he clearly kept it up even though he didn't use it often. She set a few logs in the fire and flicked her wrist setting a blaze. Bethany chuckled to herself realizing Alex would probably have loved to have seen that and filed that away as something to share with the boy sometime.

She wondered what could have set him off from light and happy to the growling snarl she'd only ever seen once before when he'd reprimanded any Wardens that needed it. It was clear that there was no love lost between him and the Bann, but she couldn't figure out why it would have gotten him that upset. She looked around the house again, even flipping through a few books before deciding to head out and hunt something for dinner, thinking that maybe a good meal would set Nathaniel's mood back to right.

A few hours later he exited his room, and entered the kitchen to see Bethany standing over the stove, frying some potatoes, while a rabbit sat over the fire cooking. The smell that filled the house from the cooking was heavenly. He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist while setting a head on her shoulder. She leaned back for just a moment before continuing to cook.

“You're cooking for me?” he said, while a question, it sounded more like a statement.

She nodded, “I thought some food might help your mood.”

Nathaniel squeezed his arms around her again. “No one's ever cooked for me before,” he placed a kiss on her cheek. “Thank you.”

Bethany turned only enough to give him a proper kiss, feeling proud that her plan seemed to be working. “The rabbit's probably done, can you pull it off?” He nodded, moving to the fire, and once on the table, he sliced a few pieces for them both, to which she added the potatoes.

They sat across from each other, Nathaniel pulling open a bottle of wine he had pulled out of a cabinet. “To you, my beautiful chef.” he toasted as they started to eat.

The meal seemed to do fairly well to lighten his mood, as they talked during it. However, it was all small talk, he still hadn't told her what was bothering him. After the meal was done, and the dishes put away, he walked by the fire and stared into it.

She walked up to him and lightly touched his arm. “Nate, please tell me what you're thinking?”

He sighed and nodded, staring into the fire once more before he turned to look at her. “What do you know of my father?” he asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All those questions ---- I promise they'll be answered in the next chapter <3


	8. The Past and the Future

His father? She watched Nathaniel, standing by the fireplace looking an odd combination of nervous, irritated, and something else she couldn't read. She'd heard plenty about Arl Rendon Howe including some fantastical things just before the blight. Then Marian had come running home, covered in blood from Ostagar, announcing the King was dead, and the troops over run by Darkspawn. She remembered Marian running quickly around the house, trying to gather what they could, before shoving the twins and Mother out the door to run as far from Lothering as they could get, and she hadn't given those stories of the Arl any thought until just now. She thought about the rumors that had reached the town back then. Nathaniel never spoke about his father before, just his mother and his sister. She knew he was waiting on an answer, and she didn't want to further upset him by bringing up the ridiculous stories she had heard.

She shrugged her shoulders, “Not much, mostly some crazy rumors.”

Nathaniel said nothing for a moment, and when he did speak, she could tell he was irritated, she hoped it was not with her. “Trust me, the truth is worse than any rumors you may have heard.”

Bethany took his hand and gave it a squeeze, “Nate, I'm sure that's not true, just tell me what's wrong.”

He turned their hands so that he could bring hers to his lips, brushing a small kiss along the back of it. “Sit,” he requested, gesturing to the couch. Once sitting he took her hand in his again. Nathaniel reached over pushing that piece of hair that could never stay in place back behind her ear and brushed her cheek with this hand. “My father wasn't always the man you hear about. Growing up, he was about honor, and he would dote on my siblings and I. He loved our mother, it was a normal family.” He ran his thumb along her hand.

“The Couslands were close friends with my family, and we spent lots of time with them. I was a bit of a wild child, you could say. I seemed to always be looking to bend the rules, usually with Fergus and Arianna Cousland as my co-conspirators. You weren't far off in your assessment of me as a young man earlier.” He gave her a slight grin.

Bethany touched his arm and gave him a warm smile, “Oh, I'm sure I was a little harsh.”

Nathaniel shook his head, “No, from the moment I realized power was attractive to young women I used that to my advantage. If I had met you then, I'm sure I would have been completely charming. I would have swept you right off your feet and into my bed, convinced you that I was enamored, and then sent you on your way the next morning. I have little doubt that Arl Kendall was more than pleased to tell you about that.”

Bethany shrugged. “He seems like a twit.”

Nathaniel laughed, it felt good to hear him laugh, she thought. “That's a fairly accurate description. Anyway, my point was I was not very honorable then. And then one day, at a birthday party for Fergus' son, I saw Arianna from across the room, and it was like... it was like I was seeing her for the first time. She was was just talking with her father and she was laughing. It was as if I'd been hit by lightning, and believe me, I was as shocked as anyone. I started courting her that night, and all my dalliances stopped immediately. I was in love, my parents were thrilled, her parents were thrilled, and even Fergus, despite being an older brother, was happy.”

Bethany listened, trying to fight back the uneasiness she felt at hearing him talk about falling in love with another woman, especially the Hero. From everything she'd ever heard, she was as beautiful as Andraste herself, as wise as the Maker, and probably perfect in every other way too.

“We made plans to marry once she reached 18. Everything seemed perfect. And then my mother died, she caught some illness and was gone within a week. We were all devastated, my father especially. Her death changed him, suddenly it was important to him that I be ready to become the Arl, and that meant, in his words, 'reigning in Arianna'.” It was clear to her that this was painful for him to share, so she said nothing, just held his hand and watched.

“Arianna, she wasn't like other noble women, maybe that's why I fell in love. She didn't hide behind false pleasantries and smiles, she told you exactly what she was thinking. She wasn't interested in tea parties and knitting circles, she was happiest hunting deer with Fergus and me. She challenged me and my way of thinking every day, and I loved it. I didn't want some meek noble wife to just sit there and bore me to tears. But to my father, despite her being a Teyrn's daughter, it was those qualities that would make her a bad choice in a wife.” Nathaniel looked at their hands. “I hope I'm not hurting you with what I'm telling you, I promise, there's a point to all this.”

Bethany nodded, “I'm ok Nate. Go ahead,” she gave his hand another squeeze to reassure him.

He sighed, releasing her hand to stand up, he stood behind one of the chairs and grabbed the back tightly in his hands, as if to control himself. “He wanted me to hurt her, he said she needed to learn to obey me, to answer only to me. I couldn't, wouldn't do that, and he took that to mean somehow she had entranced me into disobeying him. He fought with me, couldn't understand why I wouldn't just slap her to break her spirit. After weeks of fighting, he had enough, he called off the wedding and sent me off to the Free Marches to live with some distant cousin. I wasn't permitted to contact the Couslands at all, it was just over, done, or so I thought. But my father, he wasn't done. To him, Arianna had cost him his heir and he wanted her to pay.”

Nathaniel ran his hand through his hair and just stared at the ground for what felt like an eternity. Bethany tried to figure out what he was thinking of, and then it hit her. “The attack on Highever.” she whispered.

Nathaniel nodded and sat back down next to her, “Many thought it was a political move, but it was purely revenge on my father's part. He killed the Teyrn and Teyrna. He killed my friend Fergus' wife and son. They were all like family to me, and he ripped them apart. Fergus didn't recover for years, that loss tore him apart for a long time. Killing her family, wasn't enough, he arranged for her to be... attacked as well. Punishment for some crime she never did, just for falling in love with me.”

Bethany was able to read between the lines enough to know what he was trying to say had happened to Arianna Cousland. He had been right, it _was_ worse than any of the rumors, and it was clear he'd been carrying the guilt of it on his shoulders for so long. She took his hand again, “Nate, none of that was your fault.”

He gave her a sad smile, and sounded so sad when he spoke“That's what Del said today too. She said I needed to stop blaming myself for another's crimes.”

“She's right,” Bethany touched his arm.

Nathaniel sighed. “My father destroyed any honor our family name had. It doesn't matter what I accomplish with the Wardens, to many I'll only ever be the son of a traitor. I'm sorry for earlier, I just never want to be anything like him, I don't want to hear I remind someone of a man like that.”

“It's ok, Nate,” she squeezed his arm, and then wrapped hers around his, linking their hands together. “I understand. And you're nothing like him.”

He nodded and looked at their hands, “After that, I swore I'd never let anyone that close to me, that love was too dangerous. I returned to my old ways, which again, I gather you're already aware given the loud mouthed dwarf in our ranks.”

Bethany nodded, and chuckled at his description of Oghren.

He turned their hands slightly so hers was on the top, and ran this thumb of his free hand along it. “I promised myself I'd never allow myself to care for someone like I did for her. Do you have any idea what it's like to have someone hurt just for loving you?” He looked so sad just staring at their hands, she just wanted to comfort him. She reached her free hand over brushing his hair back from his face, and he leaned into her touch. She couldn't imagine what it would have felt like for him. Her father had been kind and gentle. Even Carver, he may have beat up the only boy to kiss her, but that was more the over reaction of a brother. She had little doubt that if she was truly in love, Carver would never hurt them. What would it have been like to have a father so cruel that he'd do something so horrible to someone _because_ you loved them?

After a moment, Nathaniel continued, “I thought I would never risk that again. I want you to know all this so you understand the importance of what I need to say to you.” He took both of her hands in his. Bethany steeled herself for what he was going to say, sure it was something along the lines of _I like you, but I will never feel that way for you._

Nathaniel pulled her closer, until she was practically in his lap. On of his hands returned to her cheek, tilting her head towards him as he gave her a slow, soft kiss. He pulled back only an inch from her face, his eyes locked onto hers, his thumb caressing her cheek. “I love you, Bethany.”

Bethany took in a deep breath, she was sure she must have misheard. He could have anyone he wanted, even without being a noble any more, he was still just as charming and handsome. She realized he was still waiting for her to say something as he searched her eyes. She could feel as small tear run down her cheek. She moved her head just a slight bit forward pressing a hard kiss to him, unable to stop the smile on her lips, and the laughter of pure happiness that interrupted the kiss. “I love you too.”

Nathaniel's smile couldn't have been larger as he pulled her fully on his lap, her straddling his legs as he wrapped one arm around her waist, his other hand still cupping her face, pulling her down for another long slow kiss.

Bethany couldn't help the butterflies this time, the exhilaration of being on his lap, combined with his admission and the feel of his lips on hers had her head spinning and her heart thumping so loud there was no way he couldn't hear it. She wrapped her arms around his back, pulling herself closer to him still. Her hands began to run down his back, feeling the muscles there and then moved one along his arm, feeling a tingle as she brushed along his biceps, his years as an archer making them pronounced.

His started pressing light kissed along her jaw, up near her ear where his hot breath sent a wave of fluttering to her abdomen, as the hand along the small of her back tightened its hold slightly. He whispered his love for her again in her ear, her hands instinctively clung to him as he did so. She wanted him to never stop as those same lips moved from her ear down along her neck. Her hands moved to his chest, running between the two of them appreciating the feel of him. She found herself aching for his touch, and she realized he was holding back, probably because of her pushing away the night before.

She grabbed his face gently, pulling him from her neck and kissed him again, this time hot, full of pressed lips and battling tongues. His arm behind her pulled her closer until their hips were touching, she could feel something hard pressing on her, and even with her inexperience, she had a good idea what that meant.

“Nate,” she said pulling back from the kiss only slightly and out of breath. Her body felt like it was on fire, tingling with need for him.

He watched her closely, his thumb still brushing along her cheek. “I'm sorry, love. I got carried away, we can stop.” he tried to slow his breath.

“I don't want you to stop, please,” she begged him watching his face for approval.

“It's ok, Bethany. I know this is new, I just got too caught up with you telling me how you felt.” he tried to pull back further, but she kept her grip on his shirt, keeping him from moving too far.

“That I love you?” she asked, feeling strong saying those words, it felt exhilarating, it felt _right_. He nodded in reply, his smile bright. “Nate I'm not ready yet, for.... _that_.” she felt embarrassed, _Maker, he must think I'm so stupid_ , she thought. “But I do want to, maybe go further.” she watched him, feeling the blush rushing up her cheeks praying he understood what she meant, feeling too foolish if she had to spell it out exactly.

“Are you sure? I promise it's ok for us to stop. I don't want you thinking I had an ulterior motive in telling you.” he watched her, nothing but love reflected back at her.

She nodded, “I am, I want to. Just..” she paused, nervous again, trying to remember Geralt's advice to just talk to Nate, “nothing below the waist, for now?”

Nathaniel nodded, pulling her in for another kiss before he pulled back, one hand reaching behind him to pull his shirt off. Once it was over his head, he pulled her down for a kiss again. He took one of her hands from his arm, and placed it on his chest, to encourage her to explore. As they kissed, her fingertips slowly crept down his chest, she delighted at feeling his muscles react to her touch. It was thrilling, and the more she touched him, the warmer she started feeling, the more the butterflies kicked up. He was hard, muscular, with some hair along the top of his chest, running down the middle, disappearing under his breeches.

The kisses and nibbles were also making it hard for her to concentrate. The man was certainly good at what he was doing, and appeared to be putting all his attention on making her lose her mind, she thought. He kissed to the center of her neck, and she felt the top of her robe being pushed off her shoulders. She hadn't even noticed him unlacing it. His mouth followed the newly exposed skin, along with his fingers. A small moan fell from her lips and she bit her lip, suddenly worried that he'd laugh at her. Instead the arm around her back pulled her closer to him, and he gently bit above her breast in response. She realized then that he had liked hearing that noise, and she relaxed some more.

Nathaniel pushed aside the robe, letting it pool at her waist, helping her remove her arms. He looked at her and then pulled her in for another kiss. “You're so beautiful.” he told her and she grinned in reply. When he said that to her, she couldn't help but believe him. It was something she had never truly thought of herself, but the way he said it, with such conviction and lust, it made all her doubts about it fall away. As his tongue pushed into her mouth, Nathaniel held her hips close to his, while she felt a hand start to caress her breast. She had a sharp intake of breath at the sensation, and pulled on his hair in response as they kissed. She realized that was nothing, when he began to roll her nipple between his finger and thumb. It shot a sensation straight to her groin and she moaned loudly into his mouth, pulling on his hair tighter. He didn't seem to mind it at all, in fact every time she did that, she realized he would slowly roll his hips, pressing something hard into her, that made her feel like she was on fire, wanting him to stop and never stop all at the same time.

He pulled away from the kiss and she could see his pupils were blown wide, the heat as he looked at her made her burn even more. He bent his head and took the same breast he'd been playing with into his hot mouth, while his hand began to give the same attentions to her other breast. Bethany cried out the minute he did, his tongue teasing the nipple further, as he sucked and bit.

“Nate,” she cried out, her voice wavering, her fingers pulling at his hair while pushing him closer to her chest at the same time. She began to writhe her hips against him, feeling his hardness press against where she suddenly wanted so much more friction. She worried he could feel she was getting wet, was that normal what her hips were doing, was it normal to get so much pleasure just from this? His mouth moved to her other breast, leaving the first one with a playful kiss, and she her mind went blank. Both his hands grabbed her hips, and he directed her writhing into a rhythm, holding on to her while he continued to lavish attention to her breasts.

Bethany suddenly didn't know what to do with her hands, the fluttering in her stomach increased, feeling as if it was pulling down an ebb of a tide, distracting her. She tried gripping onto his shoulders, but then found her hands couldn't stay in place, having to touch him all over, his chest, his hands. He was barely moving, only lifting his hips into hers once in a while, instead letting her do all the movement. The pulling in her abdomen increased. He let go of her breast with a plop and moved his head right by her ear, nibbling it before he spoke.

“So beautiful, I love you, Bethany.” the sensations continued, it was nothing like she'd ever felt before.

She'd never felt something so intense, feeling like she would explode, “Nate, Oh Maker, Nate,” she cried out. As he bit her earlobe stars exploded behind her eyes as her head collapsed on his shoulder. _Holy Maker_ , she thought as she tried to catch her breath. She'd never felt anything so intense as that, feeling energized and drained all at once.

He tilted his head to catch her lips with his, pressing soft loving kisses to her as she continued to try catching her breath. “I love you,” she sighed, snuggling into his arms.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had every intention that there'd be no smut in this story.  
> Oh well....


	9. Something Wicked This Way Comes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter than usual chapter to bridge to what's coming!!!
> 
> DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN

Nathaniel and Bethany walked through the courtyard of the Keep, when Geralt stopped to talk to them. “I know you just got back, but there's some orders from the Anderfels to go over.”

“So much for relaxation,” Nathaniel nodded. He turned to face Bethany. “I'll see you at dinner.” Nathaniel placed a hand on her cheek and bent his head to give her a soft kiss on her lips. His other hand squeezed hers.

When he pulled away she was breathless and blushing. Nathaniel gave her a sly grin before turning to face Geralt and walk off with him.

“Oh, definitely girl time needed after that. Thirty minutes?” Sigrun asked, walking up to her.

Bethany nodded and tried to stop her blushing.

Thirty minutes later she was knocking on Sigrun's door. Elaine answered excitedly and waved her in. Bethany joined them on Sigrun's bed. “The whole keep is talking about you two. It's so romantic.” Elaine sighed.

Bethany raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

Sigrun shook her head, “The Commander's always been very private. Keeps everything close to the vest, so to speak. That kiss today was him telling the whole Keep you were together.”

Bethany blushed at that thought. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, but she realized what her friends said made sense, and her heart filled with joy. “So, tell us what happened while you were away?” Elaine said.

Bethany shared an abridged version, leaving out the private details Nathaniel had told her.

***

Over the next few months Bethany and Nathaniel found a comfortable routine. During the day, they were professional, although there was still the occasional pull into a hidden alcove or closet for a stolen kiss. At night they would take dinner in Nathaniel's office alone, ending with them cuddling on the couch. Bethany had been worried at first of what Nathaniel would expect of her physically, but to her delight, he never pushed for more than she was willing to give, and in fact generally let her initiate anything.

Currently Nathaniel was sitting on his couch flipping through some orders as his arm was around her waist. Bethany was lying across the couch, leaning against his side, Aidan sleeping peacefully in front of the fire. Bethany was reading a book she had borrowed from Geralt.

She hadn't even realized she was humming until Nathaniel poked at her. “You are humming a tune.”

“I was? I hadn't noticed. Probably something I heard around.” she shrugged.

Nathaniel motioned for her to sit up. When she looked at him he had a concerned look on his face.

“What's wrong?” she asked.

“Come with me,” he requested standing and leading her to the mess room.

They looked around, all seemed normal. Given the time of night, there weren't many Wardens around. A few were playing cards, and some taking in a snack. One Warden was sitting at a table alone, holding his head in his hands. She wasn't sure what he was looking for. Then she noticed it. The tune. More than half the Wardens in the room appeared to be humming the same song she had just been. She walked closer to the Warden that was holding his head, and realized that he was covering his ears and repeating over and over “Make it stop.”

Bethany knelt down in front of the man and placed a hand on his arm. “Are you ok? Hey.”

The man continued to rock seemingly unaware of her presence. It was unnerving.

“Nathaniel?” she looked at him.

He looked worried and asked her to follow him out of the room. “I need you to gather the others and pull them into my office. I need to find the Seneschal and have him contact King Alistair.”

“What's going on?” she asked him.

He touched her arm and looked at her, “This is not some tune, it's the Calling.”

She felt her heart thud to the ground. How... but... did that mean? She realized she'd also been hearing a tune, faint, but there in her mind. But it had only been 10 year. Anders said she'd have thirty. She took a deep breath and willed herself to move to get the others praying that Nathaniel would have the answers she desperately needed.

 


	10. Fear

Bethany and Oghren entered the Commander's war room seeing the others already there. She tried to calm her nerves as she approached the table.

 “I know you're all concerned, what I can tell you is there's no way this is a real Calling,” Nathaniel could almost feel them all letting go of a sigh of relief. “We have Wardens that joined only six months ago, and we know the average is 25-30 years. I don't know yet what is happening. I've sent word to King Alistair, as the Senior Warden in Ferelden I'm hoping he'll be able to provide more answers.”

 “So, what's the plan in the meantime?” Geralt asked.

 “In the meantime, there's going to be growing unrest, especially with the newer Wardens. I need each of you to do what you can to maintain order. Understand that tempers will be high, give some leniency where you think appropriate, be stern where it is needed. The main focus right now is to keep order until we have more answers. Effective immediately all leave is canceled. No one leaves or enters the Keep without orders. If this is an infection, we can't risk affecting others.” The Commander ordered. “Any questions?”

They all shook their heads and Nathaniel dismissed them. Bethany stayed behind and once the door closed behind Geralt she turned to face Nathaniel, grateful when he pulled her into his embrace. Just the smell of him, of leather, was comforting to her. He nuzzled his cheek to the top of her head. “It'll be ok, Bethany.” She let out a sigh and hugged him tighter, the sound of his heartbeat helping to drown out the small whispering of the Calling in her head.

 ***

Bethany joined her trainees in the practice field. They'd all come a long way and soon would move to other weapons and a new round of Wardens to train in staves would be coming her way. “Anyone know where Warden Patterson is?”

“I think he was in the stables, Serrah,” One of them replied.

Bethany nodded and then looked at them. They all seemed to be fiddling with their staves, nervous even. “Have your COs talked with you?” she asked them.

They all nodded. “Is it true? Is what we're hearing a fake Calling?” a young Warden, Phillips, asked.

“It is. The Commander is investigating and has sent word to King Alistair and Orlais as well for more aid.” Bethany tried to reassure them. “Let's just do a light lesson today, and then you can all have some time off, ok?” She decided they all looked too rattled to concentrate much.

After she dismissed them, Bethany walked over to the stables to look for her missing recruit. She couldn't hear anything but the occasional sounds from the horses. Ruffles nudged at her when she walked by her and Bethany absentmindedly pet the mare's nose as she passed. It wasn't until she was near the end of the stables that she found Patterson. He had his head resting on his knees, and he was rocking.

He looked up to see her and just sighed out “Figures.”

Bethany knelt down onto her knees. “Warden Patterson, I guess I don't have to ask if you're alright. Do you need to talk?”

Patterson just looked at her, but didn't answer.

“Do you really have that much of a problem with me being a mage that you can't even talk to me?” Bethany asked him.

“It's not because you're a mage.” Patterson answered, “It's because you're a Hawke.”

She gave him an odd look, “Because I'm a Hawke? Do I know you?”

He shook his head. “No, but my brother is dead because of your sister. He was a Templar in Kirkwall, and your sister, the so called Champion, fought against the Templars. For all I know you were there.”

Bethany shook her head. She tried to remind herself the young man in front of her was barely nineteen, and probably scared, that she shouldn't take what he was saying personally. “I haven't seen my sister or Kirkwall in almost ten years. I don't even know how to get a hold of her or where she is.” She put a hand on the Warden's arm. “Warden Patter... Michael, I'm sorry about your brother. I lost my twin, I know how painful it can be. And I'm sorry about any part my sister may have played in his death. But I am no more her than you are him.”

The man watched her, and she could see the anger fade before he let out a sigh and nodded. “I'm scared. Wardens shouldn't be scared.” he looked back down.

“Who ever told you that nonsense was full of it. I bet you even King Alistair was scared when facing down the Archdemon. Several of us had to battle Darkspawn a few months back, I promise you, we were scared. I'm pretty sure even the Commander.” She tried to reassure the young man.

He looked at her, trying to decide if she was being honest. “Do you really think the Commander can fix this?” he said pointing to his head.

“I think he'll do everything he can to try. Until then we all have to just do our best to maintain control. It's ok to be scared. Next time, just come find me and we can talk instead of you hiding, alright?” She stood up and then offered her hand to help him stand.

When they exited the stables Patterson stopped for a moment. “Thanks, Serrah.”

Bethany nodded, “I think the rest of the class went to the Tavern, you look like you could use a drink, go find them.” Patterson sighed but agreed and took off towards the Tavern.

“Did I actually see Warden Patterson say 'Thank you' to you?” Geralt laughed as she neared him heading inside.

“That's me, miracle worker,” Bethany chuckled, “Join me for lunch?”

“Absolutely,” Geralt nodded. “I've had to deal with no less than a dozen freaked out Wardens today, and word has come that the King will arrive tomorrow, so there's all the preparation for that. The Seneschal is driving me up the wall making sure everything is ready. Maybe we could make dealing with Gareval from now on one of your jobs.”

“Don't you dare,” she laughed, knowing he was teasing her. She tried to hide her excitement. The King was coming here! Tomorrow! Would she get a chance to catch a glimpse of him? Just like the Hero, she'd heard stories about Ferelden's King. To see him in person would be incredible.

 ***

Bethany rolled over for what felt like the hundredth time that night unable to find sleep. It was faint, but that song was there just the same, just loud enough to keep her from falling asleep. When she was active during the day it was easy to ignore it, but at night, in the quiet of her room, well she nearly wished for a roommate snoring. The only time she had been able to drown it out completely had been the week prior when Nathaniel had hugged her and she could hear his heart. Since then she'd barely had a chance to see him, he'd been so busy with the flurry of activity the widely spreading False Calling was causing in the Keep.

She let out a frustrated sigh and sat up in bed. Just like the last few nights, it appeared she'd be getting little sleep. She put on her slippers and walked out into the hall thinking maybe a walk would help. So much time spent in the barracks had rid her of any modesty she used to have, and now thought nothing of walking the halls in a sleep shirt and shorts. She wandered through the Keep, paying little attention to where she was going until she looked up and realized she was in front of Nathaniel's room. She considered turning away, and then thought about how nice it had felt in his arms, not hearing the Calling. She worried her lip as she stood there considering her next course of action. He was probably asleep already, it was very late. And he might misunderstand her intentions if she were to knock. But if she went much longer without sleep, she might go insane.

Bethany closed her eyes and willed up all the courage she could muster. When she reopened them she knocked on his door and stood quietly. If he doesn't answer I can just go back to my room and no one will ever know. She heard a grumble and some shuffling and the door opened.

“What is it?” Nathaniel growled, his voice rough from sleep, his hair tousled. She had definitely woken him and felt guilty immediately. His face relaxed as he realized who was there, “Bethany?” his voice softened.

“I... Oh I, I'm sorry, I woke you and I was just walking and I couldn't sleep and now I woke you and it was stupid, just forget I was ever here.” she blurted out so embarrassed.

“Hey, no, it's ok,” Nathaniel reached for her hand. “Are you ok? Do you want to come in and talk?”

Bethany looked at his hand holding hers and sighed, “I do but I just realized how it looks coming to your room at night… ,” she looked down, feeling foolish again. 

“There's no expectations made by you walking in this door.” he tried to reassure her.

She let out a sigh and walked in the room, the moment she did she wrapped her arms around his torso and placed her head on his bare chest, hearing his heartbeat. He closed the door and then wrapped his arms around her. “Better?” he asked.

Bethany nodded, keeping her ear to his chest. “I couldn't sleep, all I could here was the Calling. But like this, I can hear your heart instead. I'm sorry, I haven't slept in three days, I must sound silly.”

“Never,” Nathaniel kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. She looked up at him and he tilted his head down to place a gentle kiss to her lips. “Do you want to stay? Just to sleep,” he told her and felt her relax from the bundle of nerves she had been when she’d first arrived at his door. She nodded, and he took her hand and led her to his bed. It hadn't been exactly what he pictured in his mind when he'd imagined their first time together in a bed, but he was happy to have her there just the same.

He settled in and then held out an arm and Bethany snuggled in around him, her head laying on his chest. She'd never shared a bed with a man before. It was different, exciting and scary all at once. His sheets and blanket smelled like him, it was like being wrapped up in Nathaniel, and it felt comforting. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a squeeze before kissing her forehead. “Goodnight, love.”

“Goodnight,” she sighed, finally feeling sleep pulling at her, the sound of his heartbeat lulling her to sleep, feeling safe and warm and protected in his arms. It took only a few moments before Nathaniel could tell her breathing had evened out and that sleep had finally come. He reached up to touch her sleeping face and brush the hair from it. He watched her doze for a few moments, she looked so at peace, so beautiful. He knew right then he'd want to fall asleep like this forever if he could, holding the amazing woman in his arms made it feel like all was finally right in the world. To know something as simple as holding her brought her this much calm, he felt humbled he could do that.


	11. Firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW below

Bethany slowly woke up feeling warmer than usual.  The bed was soft, but it smelled different than hers.  It smelled like Nathaniel.  She smiled at the thought, and then remembering she was in his bed, she smiled even more.  An arm tightened around her middle pulling her back against his warm body and she felt him nuzzle his nose into the back of her neck.  He took a breath and slow kisses pressed on the side of her neck up towards her ear.  

“Good morning,” his voice gruff from sleep.  His hand ran along her stomach causing her to shiver as he nibbled on her ear.  

Bethany pressed herself back against him, her hand reaching for his hip.  She could feel something hard pressed against her ass and felt a tingle of excitement run through her as she realized what it was.  She wasn’t sure if it was the excitement of waking up in his bed, or Nathaniel nibbling on her neck, or his fingers pinching her nipple into a stiff peak,or more likely a combination of all three, but she was feeling emboldened.  Bethany turned slowly in his arms.  Nathaniel took her lips, pressing sleepy, soft kisses to them.  Her hand ran through his hair as the other ran along his chest.  Light touches that excited him, she could feel his arousal move, as if searching her out in response to her touches.  Her hand continued down to his muscular stomach as he continued to kiss her, moving from her lips back to her neck again, returning to light nibbling.

“Nate,” she moaned and he hummed in reply.  Her hand moved lower, brushing along him.  “I want to touch you, show me.”

Nathaniel moved his head back up and looked at her. In all their time together, no matter how hot and heavy they got, her hands had never wandered below the belt.  “Are you sure?”  he wanted more than anything for her to touch him, but he didn’t want it if she would regret it later.  She nodded and kissed him, and he couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his face. Nathaniel shimmied out of his sleep pants, and took her hand in his, and pressed a kiss to the tip of each finger before he moved them down.  He wrapped her fingers around his cock and covered her hand with his.  Slowly, he showed her how to squeeze lightly and pump.  As soon as their hands began to move his eyes closed and he let out a moan.

Bethany’s eyes moved to watch what he was showing her.   His skin felt soft, but stiff.  It was a different feeling than she had expected.  He moaned again as their hands moved up and down his shaft.  She looked at his arousal.  It was bigger than she expected, and she wondered how that was supposed to fit in her.  He ran her thumb over the tip which had some liquid at the top and then showed her how to move it along his shaft.  She continued to gently tug him as Nathaniel removed his hand.

“Bethany,” he moaned as his hips moved to press into her hand more.  He pulled her head to his and kissed her deeply as she continued to touch him. The same rhythm he had shown her.  Just like with kissing, she was proving to be a quick learner with this as well.  “Oh, Maker, Bethany,” he moaned again and it sent a tingle down her core knowing the effect she was having on him.  He was the most powerful Warden in all of Ferelden, but at this moment, he was at her mercy.  It was her name that was on his lips, her touch that his body was crying out for.  He had said he loved her so many times, but seeing him like this, his muscles tight, his breath short, face thrown back in ecstasy while sweat built on his chest, she felt like she could see the physical manifestation of  those emotions.

His breath started speeding up as she pumped him, the hand on her back tightened and pulled on her, his hips lifting up the bed.  She watched him, his eyes closed as he kept saying her name.  “Faster.” he begged and she picked up the pace as she leaned over to nibble on his neck.

Nathaniel could feel himself getting close. Her touch felt so much better than his own.  So many nights he had touched himself to the thought of her to relieve the desires he had.  The sensations now were so much more than he’d dreamed it would be.  His hands gripped the sheets to keep himself in check.  He wanted so bad to feel her mouth on him, or to roll them both over and bury himself in her but he knew she wasn’t yet ready for either.  So instead he gripped the sheets as he could feel himself start to tumble over the edge.

“Bethany, oh, Maker, oh” he groaned, “Oh Maker, Bethany! ”

She could feel him pulse in her hand as he came across his chest.  His hips pumped as Nathaniel moaned louder than she’d ever heard him moan.  His hand flew from the bed to gently grip her head and pull her into another kiss.  She felt surprised at how much it turned her on to see him come like that.  To know it was her that did that to him, that she was able to bring him so much pleasure.  She wanted his hands on her so badly at that moment.

He pulled her hand off of his cock as he caught his breath and looked her in the eyes.  “I love you,” he said to her and she kissed him again before repeating it back to him.  

Nathaniel reached beside the bed and picked up a towel, wiping himself off.  He then turned to look at her.  “Your turn,” he growled and pounced on her playfully as she giggled.  His hand slid up her shirt taking the hem with it.  Once her breast was exposed he took the nipple in his mouth and began to twirl it with his tongue.  

Bethany gripped the back of his head with one hand as the other gripped his back.  She arched, pressing her breast into him as she moaned.  There was a knock on the door but either he didn’t hear it or he chose to ignore it.  Nathaniel nibbled on her breast causing her to lose attention to anything else going on around her.

Another knock and she laughed quietly as he groaned.  “Think I can just make someone else the Commander?“ he bemoaned as he let out a sigh before kissing her lips. “Stay there.” he requested as he moved from the bed and put back on his sleep pants.  “This better be important!” he called out.

He opened the door to find Oghren there, “Gareval wants you to know the King’s party was spotted about an hour out.“ The dwarf tried looking around him.

“What are you doing, Oghren?” Nathaniel asked annoyed.

“Last time I found you looking like that, the Commander was in your room in just a shirt.  Thought I’d see if she’s back for another visit to see Little Howe.” Oghren replied still trying to look past Nathaniel.

“Tell the Seneschal I’ll be down in a moment.” Nathaniel growled, “Go now.”

“What got your breeches in a twist?” Oghren asked as the door shut in his face.

Nathaniel turned around to see Bethany already redressed and preparing to leave.  “Love...” he said moving towards her.

“It’s fine.” she said in a voice that sounded hurt.

“Bethany,” he tried to stop her.  “What he said…”

“It’s ok, Nate, I know you have a… past.  I should go get ready for his Majesty.” She kissed his cheek and moved past him.

He let out a sigh and pulled her back, kissing her lips, hoping he was imparting on her just how much he cared for her.  When she pulled away she still appeared upset,but at least she looked at him this time. “See you for dinner?” he asked and she nodded and left.  His face snarled after she left, he was going to string that dwarf up by his toes and hang him off the wall.

Aidan scuffed beside him.  “Next time bite the dwarf,” he said to the mabari who let out a small bark and pressed his head into Nathaniel’s hand.

Bethany took a breath once back in her room and tried to calm herself.  She told herself she was being silly.  She knew Nathaniel had a past with the Hero, but hearing that she had been with him, in the same room, maybe even the same bed she had slept in, hurt.  That it hurt made her feel stupid and immature, and she was sure if he knew he’d think she was silly for it.  She admonished herself for being jealous about someone that wasn’t even there.  Nate had said he loved her, many times.  She had nothing to worry about, she tried to remind herself even as the nagging doubt poked at her to say she only had nothing to worry about because the other woman wasn’t around.

***

Bethany walked around the mess hall to take her lunch and look for Sigrun or Elaine.  The worry from the morning had been pushed to the back of her mind as the demands of being a Senior Warden had taken over.  Drills with the young recruits as well as a meeting with Geralt about the King’s arrival had filled her mind.  She tried to run through everything in her head again, call him Warden Alistair, not Your Highness or Majesty, that he preferred to be just a Warden here, no bowing to him, treat him with respect, but as a Warden, not Ferelden’s monarch.  She’d no sooner picked up an apple when she heard a murmur cross the crowd.

“Hey,” said Sigrun and Bethany smiled, having not heard her friend approach.  Before she could reply the doors to the mess opened and she saw Nathaniel enter.  Beside him was a red haired man with a thick beard.  His build was broader than Nathaniel’s, more like a warrior, and he was dressed in Warden Armor, a shield across his back and a sword on his side.  The two seemed to be mid conversation as they walked.  Bethany and Sigrun were close enough to their path to get an excellent look at them both.

“That’s the King,” Sigrun elbowed Bethany.  Bethany’s eyes were wide.  She’d expected, well she wasn’t sure what she expected, but the man looked normal, like any other Warden, not like the mythical King she had pictured in her head at all.  She saw Aidan follow behind barking playfully at another Mabari, this one white, that followed along, as if the two were old friends.  Walking behind them was a young girl, maybe ten, dressed in what she could only describe as a child’s costume made to look like Warden armor.  She had a bow strapped upon her back.  Bethany realized after a moment that it looked nearly identical to the one Nathaniel used.  The one he said had been his Grandfather’s.  She was holding the hand of another tall, thin man.  The girl looked around and then seemed to recognize Sigrun as her face lit up and she waved to the dwarf.

Sigrun waved back and explained to Bethany.  “That’s Princess Ele and Bann Teagan.”

“You know the Princess?” Bethany asked, surprised.

“Oh, uh, yes just from when she visits with the King.  I’m, um, sure Nathaniel will want to introduce you.” Sigrun replied suddenly looking uncomfortable.  

“I would love to, but why would Nathaniel want me to meet her?” Bethany was confused.

“Oh, uh, he would probably think that maybe you’d like to meet a Princess, uh, oh I think I need to be at a training or something,” Sigrun hurried away leaving Bethany very confused about what had just taken place and why Sigrun was being so shifty about the Princess.

***

Bethany knocked on the door to Nathaniel’s office and was surprised to see it opened by a young girl who she quickly realized was Princess Ele.

“Hi,” the girl said looking up at her.

“Uh, hi,” Bethany answered looking at her unsure how to address the child.  She was saved from having to figure it out by Nathaniel opening the door further behind the girl.

“Hey,” he gave her a warm smile which Bethany returned.  The girl took Nate’s hand as he stepped back to let Bethany in.  “Princess, this is Bethany.”

The girl’s eyes got wide.  “Commander Howe likes kissing you!!!” She answered as she hid slightly behind Nate’s leg, still holding his hand.

Nathaniel let out a snort and Bethany heard another man chuckle as Bethany turned red and laughed a little.  “Ele, let’s not scare her off right away,” she heard someone say from inside the office.

“Come on in,” Nathaniel ushered Bethany in.  “You met Princess Ele, and let me introduce Warden Alistair.”

“Does she have to call me Princess?” The girl looked up at the King.

“That’s up to you, Ele,” the King answered and then turned his attention to Bethany, shaking her hand.   _I’m shaking the King of Ferelden’s hand.  The same man who helped end the blight!_ Bethany thought to herself.  “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Bethany.”

“Thank you, your…” she started to say.

“If you call me your Majesty I think we shall never get to be friends,” Alistair said with a twinkle in his eyes that let her know he wasn’t really upset.  “Just Alistair, please.  I get enough of the Royal nonsense in Denerim.”

“Alistair, then,” she nodded and felt Nathaniel place his hand on the small of her back.   _Marian is never going to believe I met the King AND called him by his first name._

“Will you play with me?” The Princess looked up at Bethany.

“Ele, we have some Warden business first.  Why don’t you play on your own for now,” Alistair said to her.  Bethany was surprised with how sweet the King was with her, how relaxed.  She had always assumed the King had just adopted the girl as a way to have an heir, but he seemed to have an honest affection for her.

Nathaniel led them over towards the table in his office where they could talk.  “The good news is Alistair doesn’t think it’s something that’s an infection, so we can open up the Keep again,” Nathaniel explained as he stood next to her, closer than what would be appropriate for just a Commander and a Senior Warden.  She realized Nathaniel was more relaxed around the King and Princess than he was with others, and that most likely he was actually friends with this man.  

“The bad news is I have no idea what is going on, some blood magic perhaps, or maybe something more sinister.  But none of these Wardens should be hearing their calling yet, not even me.  I know several people high up in the Inquisition.  I’ve sent word to them, to see if they have some clue,” Alistair explained.  “So, enough about business, will you be joining us for dinner?”

Bethany looked over to the fireplace where the Princess was playing with two dolls.  One looked to be of a druffalo, the other she quickly recognized as the same Griffon doll she had seen Nate purchase months ago.  The doll, the bow, how the girl had held onto Nathaniel, and Sigrun’s odd behavior all started to paint a picture for her.  Bethany looked at the girl and then at Nathaniel and then back again and felt a little scared.

“Bethany?” Nathaniel asked her and she realized she hadn’t answered.

“I’m sorry,” she looked at him and the King.  “I have to decline, I’m feeling a little ill.  Maybe tomorrow.” She nodded before telling Nathaniel she’d talk to him later and quickly returned to her room. Once there, she collapsed, sitting down hard on her bed.

It shouldn’t bother her, really, she thought.  It was probably residual feelings from this morning, she hated sometimes how emotional she could get.  She wished she was more like Marian, that she could let more roll off her back.  Why should it upset her so much if Nathaniel had a daughter he never mentioned to her, she wondered.

***

Bethany heard a knock at her door about fifteen minutes after she had arrived in her room.  She opened it to find Nathaniel there.  “I wanted to check on you, you said you weren’t feeling well.” He looked at her with concern, his hand reaching out to touch her cheek.

She gave him a smile and leaned into his touch before stepping back to let him in.  “I thought you had dinner plans.” She commented.

“That’s not as important as you,” he kissed her as he pulled her into his arms.  “Alistair understood.  I’ll just see them tomorrow.  So are you ok?”

She worried her lip as he watched her, touching her cheek again with his thumb.  “Are you still upset about Oghren said?” He asked her.

Bethany sighed, she worried that if she said the wrong thing she’d feel foolish or he’d be upset.

“Hey,” he said softly as he pressed a kiss to her.  “You can talk to me.  I love you.”

She smiled, whenever he said that to her, she always felt at peace.  “I guess it did bother me a little, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Nathaniel pushed back a piece of her hair behind her ear.  “What he said, that was almost three years ago.” He pulled her over to sit on the bed and he sat next to her, holding her hand.  “Don’t let it get to you, you’re all I want.” Nathaniel kissed her again and she melted into his kiss.

“So you've seen her since she disappeared?  Do you know where she is? “ Bethany asked.

Nathaniel shook his head,  “I only saw her the one time.   I haven't heard from her since.   I'm not even sure if she's still alive to be honest.”

Bethany nodded and then she remembered what sent her to her room in the first place. “Nate,” she took his hand, “Who’s Ele’s father?”

Nathaniel arched an eyebrow.  “Alistair.” He answered.

“I mean her real father.” She needed to know but was afraid just the same.

“Why?” He seemed to be avoiding her question, which didn’t set her mind at ease.  He was starting to get uncomfortable with where her questions were headed.  If anyone else was asking first where Ari was and then about the Princess’ parentage,  he'd be preparing his dagger assuming she was a Crow.  He trusted his instinct enough to know she wasn’t intentionally making a connection, just stumbling.

“Is she yours?” Bethany asked, holding her breath.

“What? No, why would you think that?” He asked, almost snapping.

“You seem very close to her, and she has the doll you bought.  And her bow…” Bethany started to explain.  

“And so you jump right to she’s mine?  You think so little of me that you think I’d keep something as big as having a child from you?” He stood up and began pacing the room clearly agitated.  “Does my telling you I love you mean nothing? You really think I’d keep a secret like that?”

Bethany felt as if she’d been slapped.  He was right, he’d given her no cause to not trust him, but that was all she had done and assumed the worst.  “I’m sorry, Nate,” she said quietly  “But something’s going on because everyone is acting like they know her already, but they’re acting shifty when I ask.”

Nathaniel stopped pacing and looked at her for a moment.  He pulled a chair over near the bed to face her and sat on it, taking her hand in his.  “There is, but I can’t tell you.  But I promise, she’s not mine.  The bow was a birthday present for her because she liked mine.  The doll was because Alistair is a Warden, he loves to tell stories about how the Wardens used to have griffons.”

“She’s more than the Princess to you, though, isn’t she?  Who is she?” Bethany asked, she could tell by the look on his face that he was still irritated, but he seemed willing to talk, so it was something.

Nathaniel pressed a kiss to her hand.  “I can’t tell you.”

“Can’t or won’t?” She asked him.

“Both”, he replied holding her hand tight when she tried to pull it away.  “Bethany I can’t tell you, it’s for her safety.  There’s people out there that would kill her if they knew who she was.  I’m sorry, I don’t like keeping secrets from you.”  She could tell he was trying to keep his temper in place, but that he was still angry, hurt by her thoughtless words, his voice was strained and his hold on her hand wasn’t gentle like it usually was.

“But you know who she is?  She’s important to you?”

Nathaniel nodded.  “Her parents were good friends of mine.  I promised to help take care of her and that’s what I intend to do.  I need you to understand that and understand that I can’t give you the answers you’re looking for. ”

He stood up and she followed as he moved to the door.  “Nate?” She asked.

He turned to her and placed a kiss on her cheek.  “I need some time,” he sighed.  “Next time just talk to me.  And you didn’t tell anyone these theories of yours did you?  I need to know, it could mean danger to Ele if the wrong person gets word of something, even if it’s a falsehood.”

“No, I promise,” Bethany reassured him.  “Please, don’t leave.” She worried that if he left that would end things.

“I need to,” he said quietly and walked out the door.

Bethany sat on the chair he’d been in and tried not to cry.  She’d ruined it, she’d acted petty and jealous and accused him of something awful instead of just asking him about the girl.  And now… her heart hurt, this couldn’t be it, she didn’t want it to be over.  How did it all go so badly so quick when she’d just started this morning in his arms?

 _What would Marian do_ she wondered?  There’s no way Marian would give up without a fight.  No, Marian would kick in Nathaniel’s door and beg to be forgiven, and would fight for them.  She could do that, why couldn’t she do that, she thought.  She sat up, straightened her robes, and left her room.

She knocked on his bedroom door determined she’d fight, she wouldn’t let this be the end.  Nathaniel opened the door and strong arms pulled her into his room and pressed her against the door as soon as it closed behind her, his lips finding hers immediately as his hands gently held the sides of her face.

“I’m sorry,” she said when he pulled back slightly. “I’ll trust you more, I promise.”

He looked at her for a moment, the hurt leaving his eyes.  “I know, stay, I don’t want to fight,” he answered kissing her again.  She wrapped her arms around his neck in answer and he deepened the kiss.


	12. Aunt Bethany

Bethany walked into the VIP dining room to find Alistair sitting in a chair by the fire looking through papers, signing a few and handing them to a man waiting nearby, presumably a paige. Aidan and the white mabari were snuggled together on the floor. Nathaniel was in another chair, the Princess in his lap telling him a story. She looked up with a large grin when she saw Bethany enter and whispered something to Nathaniel, who nodded. The girl got off his lap and ran up to Bethany before she could get far into the room.

“Hi,” she beamed up at her. “Will you color with me?”

“Sure,” Bethany answered taking her hand and giving Nathaniel a smile. The heated look he gave her in reply made her blush.

She sat down at the table with the Princess. “Uncle Nate said I don't have to call him the Commander in front of you,” she whispered to Bethany.

“That's right,” Bethany smiled at the girl.

“And you can call me Ele.” she told Bethany.  “Uncle Nate likes you,” Ele said as she colored.  “He talks about you a lot.”

Bethany blushed, somehow knowing that Nate thought about her enough to talk to Ele made her feel even more connected to him.  She looked over near the fire where he and Alistair were talking.  As if sensing her he looked over and gave her a grin.  She liked this side of him, normally around others in the Keep he was more formal,noble almost.  But she got the feeling these two visitors were more like family to him, that here he was able to relax.

“So what did he tell you?” She asked Ele.

“He said you were pretty.  And that you make the Keep feel more like a home.  Oh, and that you can do magic.  And that you like to draw like me.” Ele answered without looking up from her drawing.

“Wow, that’s a lot of stuff about me.” Bethany giggled.

“I met someone else that could do magic once. When I was little.  Um...An..Andy. No, um. Anders.  He made this glowing light that bounced and it was really neat.  Can you do that?” Ele asked Bethany.

“You know Anders? I know him too.” Bethany replied.

Ele looked at her with big eyes.  She took in a deep breath barely containing her excitement, “Do you know Fenris?”

“I do, but I haven’t seen him in a very long time.”, Bethany answered.

“Unc… uh, father, she knows Fenris!” Ele exclaimed turning to Alistair.  Bethany wondered what the girl was about to call Alistair but remembered her promise to Nate and let the thought drop.

“Well Uncle Nate did say she was pretty great.” Alistair chuckled sitting at the table across from the two of them.  “Sorry, she’s a bit obsessed with your brother-in-law.”

“My what?” Bethany asked shocked.

“Oh, uh, so I guess I just shared something new.  Um… SURPRISE!” Alistair waved his hands in the air.

“I should say so.  Last I knew she was living with Anders. I lost touch with her several years ago.  We sort of had a falling out.  Do you know how to reach her?” Bethany asked hopeful.  Marian had married Fenris?  That was a shock. She hoped he was nicer than she remembered.

Alistair shook his head, “No, I’m sorry.  We lost contact with them more than six months ago.”

“Oh,” said Bethany, defeated.

Nathaniel was now next to her, an arm resting around her hip.  “I didn’t know you were looking for your sister.”

She shrugged, “I guess I just didn’t think to say anything.”  She was disappointed, another lost opportunity to find Marian.

Ele moved closer to her and held up her drawing.  “This is for you.  It me and the king so you’ll remember us when we go home.”

Bethany smiled at the girl, “Thank you, Ele.”

“Can I call you Aunt Bethany?” she asked.

“Absolutely,” Bethany answered as she felt Nathaniel squeeze her side a little.

Ele smiled and gave Bethany a hug.

***

Nathaniel read the letter that had arrived on his desk. Alistair watched as the Commander’s eyes scanned it to the end, his face giving away nothing of what the letter said.  Without comment he reached across his desk and handed the letter over to Alistair.

_Warden-Commander Howe,_

_Matters in Orlais have become dire.  We have an urgent need for all able-bodied Wardens to report immediately to Adamant Fortress.  Due to the nature of this issue, I cannot go further into the reason why._

_I expect all Wardens in your Keep to be sent._

_Warden-Commander Clarel_

“Well that’s certainly full of lots of ‘no information whatsoever’.” Alistair replied, waving the letter in his hand.

“Makes one wonder if this is even an official letter.” Nathaniel suggested with a raised eyebrow.

“Ah, yes, came via bird, not Warden, right?” Alistair asked, catching on as he stood up.

“Yes, who's to say if it’s really from Clarel.  Could be a ruse to get the Wardens out of Ferelden again.” Nathaniel replied.

“Hard to say, especially since we never received any such orders.” Alistair lamented as he tossed the paper into the fire.

“A shame,” Nathaniel nodded.  “What’s your take on it?”

Alistair shook his head.  “I’m not sure.  Something is definitely up though.  I think until we figure it out it’s best to keep on a lockdown.  This fake Calling and now mysterious orders from Orlais.  I don’t know if it’s all related or not, but something isn’t right.”

Nathaniel sighed, and watched the King pace.  “Do you think she’s hearing it too?”

Alistair nodded.  “Ari’s friend, Cullen, wrote a few months back.  He was concerned about her.  He saw her and said she acted as if she was going to die.”

“Shit.” Nathaniel growled.  “She thinks she’s hearing her Calling and none of us have anyway to reach her and tell her it’s fake?”

Alistair nodded and sat back down in his chair.  “Cullen’s lost track of her, she apparently doesn’t _want_ to be found.  Obviously Ele knows none of this.  Not even that we’re hearing anything.  She thinks we’re here just as a matter of routine.  I’d like to keep as much of this from her as we can, I don’t need her worrying needlessly that she’s going to lose anyone else.”

Nathaniel nodded, “Understood.”

***

Every Warden in Vigils’ Keep gathered in the main courtyard waiting for an address from the Commander.  Warden Patterson approached Bethany with a few other young Wardens behind him.

“Warden Hawke,” he sounded nervous as he spoke. “Do you know what the Commander’s planning to say?”

Bethany shook her head.  “I know he and the king were in conference most of today, but I don’t know what they discussed.”

“So he doesn’t talk in his sleep then?” One of the other recruits behind Patterson asked, and giggled with the other.

Patterson wheeled around on his heel.  “Show some respect,” he snarled at them and the two jumped to attention.  

When he turned back around, Bethany gave him a warm smile and a nod.  “I’ll see you for final training later, Warden Patterson.”  He nodded in return and left, smacking his friends in the head for their comments.

“Attention!” Geralt yelled out from the front.  Everyone came to attention and faced forward.  It was an impressive sight, seeing over a hundred Wardens all in formation.  One that always sent a sense of awe in Nathaniel whenever he saw it.

He walked up the stairs to the small platform in front of them all so that even the Wardens in the back could see him.  He had felt it was necessary to instill calm by having everyone be able to see him this time.

“Grey Wardens, we suspect we are under attack from an unknown force.  I know many of you have been hearing what seems like the Calling, and that there are rumors floating around.  Here is what I can tell you.  This is NOT a real Calling.  That much we know to be a fact.  What we don’t know yet is the cause.  We have agents investigating.”  Nathaniel paused to hear a collective sigh of relief work it’s way through the troops.

“Constable Geralt and the Infirmary have been delegated to help any Wardens suffering the effects from this disturbance.  I urge you all to continue your duty to remain vigilant in peace, and to perform your day to day activities.  The Senior Wardens and Constable Geralt are at your disposal should you need counsel to get through this while we continue to research the cause.” He nodded to the right where all the Senior Wardens stood.

“As we don’t yet know the cause, until further notice, Vigils Keep remains in lockdown.  I know this is not the news many of you wanted to hear.  I also will be missing out on personal events I had planned.  This is necessary for the safety of all of you as well as civilians until we know what the true danger is.” He could hear small grumbling through the attendants, which he expected.

“Remember your oath.  In War, Victory.  In Peace, Vigilance.  In Death, Sacrifice.”  He moved his hand to the center of his chest, palm facing inward, and saluted his troops and left the courtyard to return to his office.  He had a letter to write to his nephew to apologize for having to miss his upcoming birthday next week.

***

Bethany sat on the edge of Nathaniel’s bed reading the letter he had handed to her.  It had been about two weeks since the King and Princess had returned to Denerim.  Nathaniel sat behind her reading along.

_Dear Aunt Bethany,_

_I had so much fun with you. I hope you can come to Denerim to see us.  Perrito misses playing with Aidan, maybe you can bring him with you.  Oh, and Uncle Nate too._

_I’m going to be ten soon.  Father said that is a big number and he’s going to throw me a big party.  He said you and Uncle Nate cannot attend because you are very busy with the Wardens.  I will miss you._

_Uncle Nate is a lot less grumpy now.  I asked Father if that’s because you kissed him.  He laughed and said “Something like that”.  I don’t know what that means. Grownups are strange.  I’m happy that he likes you.  Tell Uncle Nate I said he should give you cheese.  That always makes Father happy._

_I love you.  Perrito says hi._

_Princess Ele Therin_

Bethany laughed as she finished the letter.  “She’s adorable.”

“Well, she certainly adores you, seeing as how I was an afterthought in her invitation.” Nathaniel laughed, wrapping his arms around her from behind.  “Then again, _you_ know Fenris.  That ranks you much higher.”

Bethany laughed. “Well, apparently you are a lot less grumpy and need to give me cheese.”

Nathaniel chuckled, and nibbled on her neck, “Why don’t we see about you working on keeping me from being grumpy.”  He pulled her to lie on the bed as she dropped the paper.  He lied down beside her pressing a soft kiss to her lips as she threaded her fingers through his hair.  He pulled back to look at her below him, and ran a hand along her cheek.  “Stay.”

“I’m already here, and dressed for bed, I didn’t plan on going anywhere,” she smiled at him.

“No, I mean stay here, in this room, with me.  Move your things here.  You already sleep here every night, and I don’t want that to change.” He watched her eyes as he made circles with his finger on her cheek.

Bethany’s breath caught and she looked up at him.  She nodded and the large smile that he gave in response was contagious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alistair is referring to Chapter 13 of "Searching for the Cure" when he's talking about Cullen
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5301392


	13. The Return

When Nathaniel concentrated on something, he walked straighter, was incredibly focused, and as far as Bethany was concerned, it was when he was his sexiest.  When he’d be inspecting the troops, often she’d have to dig her nails into the palm of her hand to keep herself focused on standing at attention instead of drooling over him like a mabari in heat.  More than once she had to go to her room after to relieve the pressure of watching him walk through the line, the sheer look of command on his face as he paced.  It made her knees weak.

And right now he was hovering just above her in the bed, entirely focused on her, with that same look.  She was pretty sure she was going to die from bliss, and he’d barely touched her yet.  She wanted to place her hands on him so bad, but she couldn’t.  He’d placed her hands above her head earlier.

“Do not move them,” he’d ordered her in his _commander_ voice.  Did he have any idea what that voice did to her? That it made her insides quake? That she often felt wet just from the sound?  She had a pretty good idea he did from the look he gave her when he did it.

Nathaniel kissed her stomach and Bethany purred in response. They alternated between soft, nearly ticklish kisses to nibbles and tongue that made her toes curl in response.  He slowly worked his way up her torso, sliding her shirt up as he went.  He leaned up just enough to pull the shirt off her completely, placing a quick kiss to her lips before returning to her breasts.

He teased one nipple to a peak with fingers, calloused from years of archery.  The other he latched onto with his hot mouth and sucked, teasing the tip with his tongue.  Bethany arched her back and moaned his name, feeling him smile against her breast in response.  Her stomach was fluttering.  Not being allowed to touch him seemed to intensify the experience.  She pressed her thighs together trying to relieve the need for friction.  One of his hands gently scraped nails along her abdomen and she cried out again, “Nate, Oh Maker”

He slid up her body, his shirtless chest pressing along hers.  He kissed her neck, giving it nearly as much attention as he had given her breast.  She could feel his cock hard and stiff pressing near where she needed relief.  Just their sleep pants in the way.  She arched, needing desperately to feel some relief.  His hot breath was along her ear.

“I want to try something new, do you trust me?” He always asked her that, and she always felt so precious when he did.  Of course she trusted him, with her life, with her heart.  But somehow that he always felt the need to check made her feel loved even more.  She nodded in response to his question.  “Tell me to stop and I will, any point.”  She nodded again.

He slid down her body, pressing kisses as he went.  His fingers moved under her pants and he watched her from near her stomach as he pulled them down.  She felt butterflies of nerves in response.  She wanted him to touch her, but she was worried, she wasn’t sure she was ready for what he might want.  She knew she loved him, she knew he loved her, but she knew he was so much more experienced that her.  What if she was bad?  What if she was horrible?

Once her pants were removed he laid down on the bed and placed her legs over his shoulders.  “You can touch me if you want.” And her hands flew down immediately to touch his face, the only part of him she could reach.  He took one of her hands and held it in his.  

“Nate, what are you….. OHHHHHHHHH” she cried out her back arching as his tongue ran along her and found her clit.  She had never experienced anything like this before, this was so much more than any time he’d touched her, even there.  This was completely different.  It felt so wonderful while at the same time, almost too intense.  His tongue ran along her folds and she could feel it so intently.  Her hand holding his squeezed him, as her other found his hair and latched on.  She’d learned long ago that he actually seemed to love when she’d pull his hair, and she was no longer shy about it.

He began to suck on her clit and she arched again.  “Oh Maker.  Nate, Oh my, oh,” she practically was in tears from how unbelievable it felt.  Her abdomen fluttered, she was sure she wouldn’t last long. He moaned against her in response and she cried out from the vibration, his tongue moving along her and at one point, in her.  She began gyrating her hips in response.  Nothing had ever felt so good as this, and she was seeing stars. “Naaaaaate,” she called out again as she pressed herself into his face.  

She felt one, then two fingers enter her and curl up as he moved them in and out of her.  His lips pulling at her clit, sucking.  And she didn’t fall, but instead crashed over the edge.  “Fuck, Nate, Oh Nate,” she screamed out, her back arching.  She’d never felt an orgasm as intense as what she was feeling right now, and he’d given her many.  Her hand pulled his hair, and it only seemed to egg him on. He buried his face more into her in response, sucked harder as if his favorite sweet.  Bethany threw her head back, her eyes closed as she came, it felt so incredible, so amazing she was sure she was going to die.  How could anything feel so good?

As she collapsed back on the bed, trying to catch her breath he moved his head, kissing her thighs and working his way back up her torso.  He wiped his face and kissed her.  She could taste herself and at first it was odd, realizing that was what she tasted, but somehow it was thrilling at the same time.  Her legs wrapped around his calves and he gyrated his still clothed hips along hers.  

“You liked that?” He asked and she thought she’d never heard such a ridiculous question in her life, as she laughed in response and nodded.

“That,” she said, still trying to catch her breath and having difficulty as he was still moving his hips, “you can do anytime you want.”

He laughed in reply.  He kissed her again as she ran her fingers along his back.  “I love you, Bethany” he said against her lips, kissing her again before she could reply.

She reached her hand between the two of them and found his cock, already extremely hard and leaking.  He arched up enough to give her room to touch him, but didn’t stop his kissing of her.  She pulled him out of his pants enough to fully touch him and began to move her hand up and down his length giving him just enough squeezing to cause him to moan.  His hips pressed himself into her hand and out as he gyrated in rhythm to her movements.

Nathaniel’s lips left hers as he dropped his head to the pillow beside her head and she could hear his breathing speed up.  “Bethany, oh maker, love, oh…” he moaned quietly as she sped up her pace recognizing the signs that he was close.  He stiffened above her and cried out softly in her ear as she felt something hot hit her breasts and stomach.  

He kissed her, hard and passionate in response before looking for something to clean her off with.

***

Nathaniel read through the mail that had just been dropped off.  A letter from his sister with a package of cookies for him and Bethany.  He smiled at how well the two of them got along, even starting to exchange letters.  Del and her family was all he had left of family.  To know she not only accepted, but seemed to have genuine affection for Bethany made him incredibly happy.  It was similar to how content it made him feel with how much Ele took to her.  These were the important people in his life, and to know they adored her as much as he did meant the world to him.  

There was a requisition for supplies needed from Denerim which he signed off on without much thought.  As he moved that letter to the side, his hand froze.

All it said on the innocent looking envelope was _Warden Commander Nathaniel Howe_ , but it was the handwriting that made him stop.  It was writing he knew so well, he hadn’t even opened the letter and he could already feel like he might cry, and Nathaniel Howe did not cry.  In fact, he’d only ever cried twice in his life.  The first was when his mother had passed.  The second was in Del’s kitchen when she had told him the truth of what their father had done at Highever.

With shaky hands he opened the envelope and read the letter.

It was short, frustratingly so given how many years had gone by, but it was enough.  She was alive, she was safe.  Somehow she’d found Anders and possibly a cure for the Calling.  The letter confirmed what he and Alistair had thought months ago, that it was a false Calling, and it appeared that the Inquisition was trying to end it, that was reassuring news.   _She was alive._

He leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh of relief.  A dread he’d been carrying in his heart for years disappeared.  He looked at the letter in his hand as he ran his hand along his face and tried to push back the tears of relief that threatened to fall.  She was alive, she was safe. Thank the Maker.

He pulled out two sheets of paper, writing a hasty letter to Fergus Cousland.  He’d want to know, he’d been just as worried as Nathaniel and he was pretty sure she didn’t think to write her own brother, so he would.  The next was his reply.  He let out all the frustration and worry.  Anders had joined with Justice?  It made sense now, yet at the time they thought both had just disappeared, unrelated.  He poured out all his worry and hopes that she’d be home soon, and he excitedly wrote about Bethany.  After he did so he fretted, wondering if he should leave that out.  It had been nearly three years, but given the last time he’d seen her had been in his bedroom, would she accept Bethany like the rest of those he cared about would, or would this be a rift?  He sighed, better to face it now.

He gave the letters to his paige and gave the man instruction to call together his advisors to meet in a half hour.  Oghren and Sigrun would want to know.

Everyone entered the room and stood around the table.  Oghren, Sigrun, Bethany and Geralt.  None of them had any idea why they were there, but the look on Nathaniel’s face set Bethany at ease.  Clearly whatever he was about to say was good news.

“So, don’t keep us in suspense. What is it? Have we figured out how to stop the Calling?” Geralt asked.

“Not yet, but close,” Nathaniel nodded. “I received a letter this afternoon,” he looked at the dwarves, as he held up a paper  “from Arianna.  She is alive and safe with the Inquisition.” He beamed at them, the smile on his face large, his eyes practically shined with emotion.

Sigrun and Oghren let out a sigh of relief and Sigrun hugged Oghren with joy despite his protests and attempts to push her away.

“Oh, Commander, that’s wonderful!” Sigurn replied.

“There’s more.” Nathaniel continued,. “The Inquisition is looking into this false Calling, it’s not just here but all Wardens.  So hopefully that will be resolved soon.  But here are the parts that cannot leave this room, she has found Anders, he is in her custody.  I don’t want the Warden command getting word of that if we can, for his safety.”

They all nodded and Bethany felt a sigh of relief that Anders was safe.  

“What’s the other part we can’t tell?” Geralt asked.

“She may have found the cure for the taint.  They are investigating now and she will send word if it works.  This could have huge implications if true, so this needs to stay in this room for now.” Nathaniel told them.

They all nodded.  “Do you know when she’s returning to Ferelden?” Sigrun asked.

Nathaniel shook his head.  “Not as of yet.  For now she’ll be at Skyhold.  For her safety we should keep that as quiet as we can as well, however I’m sure she’d like to hear from you both.” He looked again to the dwarves.

Bethany bit her lip and pressed her nails into her palm to distract herself. Nathaniel was practically bouncing he looked so excited with the news that the Hero had returned.   _She’s like family to him, he missed her, of course he’s happy, he finally knows she’s alive and safe_ , she thought to herself. He loves her, _her_ not the Hero, _her_ , she kept telling herself, trying hard to make her voice of doubt hear it.  So what if she’s waving around a cure to save them all.  And sure he looks like a kid on Santalia, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, she thought to herself trying to shut down the doubts trying to work their way in about the Hero returning.

As they broke, Nathaniel seemed to sense her unease.  “Is everything ok?” He asked her, touching her cheek.

She nodded, “Just thinking through drills, I’m fine,” she lied to him and leaned up to kiss his cheek. She wished Marian was there to tell her how stupid she was being for even worrying.

Geralt followed Nathaniel back to the Commander’s office.  Nathaniel poured them both a drink and raised a toast to the Hero’s safety.  Nathaniel sat down at his desk as Geralt sat at the chair facing it.

Nathaniel sighed, “I wish I knew what has Bethany worried.  I highly doubt it was drills.”

Geralt raised an eyebrow.  “You really don’t know?” Nathaniel shook his head.

Geralt pointed to the letter on his desk.  “It’s her.”

“What do you mean?  Why would Arianna worry her?” Nathaniell asked.  They’d resolved all that months ago.

“To you, she’s what?  A girl who’s pigtails you used to pull, someone who is like family, who you know as a real person with flaws and a temper and a history, right?” Geralt asked, leaning back in his chair.

“Yes,” Nathaniel nodded.  

“But to Bethany, Arianna Cousland is larger than life.  She’s perfect, she saved Ferelden and now she’s going to save you and all the Wardens.  All the legends make her out to be the most beautiful and strongest woman in all of Thedas.  She is utter perfection, not a single flaw.  To Bethany she is someone she can never hope to compete with.” Geralt explained.

“But that’s not who Arianna is at all.  She’s far from perfect, and she’s pretty, but so is Bethany.  She should know she’s who I want.” Nathaniel worried his fingers.

“You need to show her that.  I know you have been, but let her see how it’s Bethany no one can compare to for you, not the other way around.  You know the Hero as who she really is, you know all the ugly truths.  Bethany only knows the perfect legend, and she’s worried that now that she’s back, you’ll choose the Hero over her.” Geralt explained.

Nathaniel’s eyes fell to the top right drawer of his desk.  He’d been afraid up until now to give what was in there to her, afraid it would be too soon.  But maybe now was the time, to prove once and for all who had his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The letters are Chapter 8 of "Finding Life Again" - direct link to that chapter is here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/4125604/chapters/9363390


	14. A Question

Bethany sat in the mess hall nervously eating her lunch.  She hadn’t seen Nathaniel since she left their room that morning.  The night before he hadn’t come to bed until late, needing to tend to a group of angry peasants outside the Keep walls.  He’d managed to resolve it, peacefully, he’d told her this morning, but it had taken half the night to do so.  Today he’d been pulled from one meeting to another and she’d only barely caught a glimpse of him as he passed through the halls.  The voice in her head, which had started to sound a lot like Carver, tried to say it was all an excuse, that he was avoiding her, that things had changed between them.

She nibbled on her bread nervously and tried to quell the nagging voice of doubt in her head that told her he was avoiding her.  That it was just as she had feared, the Hero returned and it was Arianna Cousland that he really wanted.  How could he not?  Not only had she helped save Thedas, she was once upon a time his intended.  She was beautiful and brave and now was set to rescue the Wardens.  What had Bethany accomplished?  She’d stumbled into being a Warden through a cruel twist of fate, and sure, _maybe_ she was getting pretty good at leading the recruits, and _maybe_ Geralt had told her that she was shaping up as a true leader in the Ferelden Wardens.  But how could that compare?

Arianna had grown up with him, they knew each other intimately.  She was his betrothed, and had his Father not put a wedge between them, they would have married. She was the first woman he’d fallen in love with.  Now that she was back, would those feelings come back the moment they saw each other?  Clearly something had been there or she wouldn’t have been in his bed three years ago, would she?    Bethany was just an apostate who grew up poor, Arianna Cousland was third in line to the throne after her brother and the king.  She was a noble, her background was like Nathaniel’s, they had a history, they grew up together and they had so much in common, why wouldn’t he choose her over Bethany? Just “BAM”, she's back and everyone just loves her and isn't she just so awesome and on top of that, he’d obviously been emotional at hearing she had returned, what if that was just the start? What if Nathaniel took one look at the Hero and realized he was in still in love with her after all this time?

She pushed the food around on her plate, barely noticing when Geralt sat down in front of her until he spoke.  “I need you on patrol tonight.  Seems to be an illness running through the barracks.  I’ll work out the schedules of where soon.”

Bethany nodded.  She’d been hoping she’d finally get some time to see Nathaniel tonight, that some time alone would help stop her racing mind, but apparently the Maker had other plans.

“You ok?” Geralt asked.  “Need to talk?”

Bethany shook her head.  She didn’t know what she could say to him that didn’t sound stupid, wouldn’t make her sound like a possessive child.  She shouldn’t be having these feelings of jealousy, they were immature.  To say them out loud would be even worse.  She and Nathaniel had been through all this, he loved her. _Or are you just second choice_ , ‘Carver’  asked.

“Ok, if you change your mind, find me,” Geralt reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

***

All day she’d tried to silence her childish fears, but it seemed the more she did, the chattier ‘Carver’ got.  By the time she was trying to figure out where she was scheduled to patrol, she felt as if she was tied in knots.  She wished now she had taken Geralt up on his invitation to talk, but now it was too late for that, as she had to report to duty.  She took a deep breath and tried to hide the worry from her face when she saw Sigrun walking her way.

“Bethany, just who I was looking for,” Sigrun said cheerfully.

“Hey Sig, what’s up?” Bethany hoped she was able to fake the same cheeriness.

“I have your assignment.  Upper Eastern battlements.” Sigrun answered.

Bethany nodded, feeling the knots twist tighter.  That had been where their first kiss had been, she wasn’t sure she really wanted to be there tonight.

“Any chance you can switch with me?” She asked.

“Sorry, I’m off tonight, I already have plans or I would,” Sigrun shrugged. “Talk to you later.”

Bethany sighed and moved to her assigned patrol convinced the Maker just wanted to torture her further, apparently.

The first hour and a half had been quiet, in fact she hadn’t seen anyone at all.  She leaned against the wall and looked up at the moon. There were just a few clouds in the sky, giving it almost the look of a painting.  Maybe Marian was somewhere looking at the sky right now too, she thought.  That idea made her smile, made her feel like maybe her sister wasn’t so far away after all, if she could see the moon where she was.

She heard a noise and turned quickly, readying her magic.  She let it fall when she saw it was Nathaniel heading towards her, with something in his hand.  He wasn't dressed in his usual Commnder uniform, but instead in dark breeches, and a flowing blue shirt.  He looked every bit an Arl's son as he walked. As he got closer she could see it was a yellow rose.  The same color as the one he’d left for her almost a year ago when he’d gone away to see Fergus.  She couldn’t help the smile on her face, although she hoped the flower wasn’t his way of telling her he was headed out of town again. _Of course he is.  The Hero’s in Skyhold, why wouldn’t he go there?_ the ‘Carver’ voice said.

“Nate,” she smiled at him, telling ‘Carver’ to shut up.

He gave her the smile that always made her knees buckle, as if he was going to devour her.  That made her think of last week in bed, and she was blushing.  

“I haven’t even spoken and you’re blushing already, I must be getting good at this.” He moved close enough to lean down and give her a soft kiss on her lips.  When he pulled away he handed her the rose, which she brought to her nose and smiled.

“I’m supposed to be on patrol,” she warned him.

“I _may_ have pulled a few strings to get you stationed up here,” he confessed.

Bethany raised an eyebrow, “Why?”

He moved closer, and brushed her cheek with his thumb.  “The other day, you were worried, with the news of Arianna’s return.”

Bethany cursed in her head that he’d seen through her.  She opened her mouth to speak but he placed a gentle finger on her lips to quiet her.

“Love, I know I told you before that you had nothing to worry about when it came to her, or anyone else.  But I know it’s one thing to say that when she’s who knows where.  It’s another thing when I’m holding a letter from her telling us exactly where she is, isn’t it?” He continued touching her face, his hand moving to brush through her hair.

She nodded, feeling so stupid for even feeling the way she was, but wanting to be honest.

“My hope is one day you’ll meet her in person and you’ll see, she is not what you are building her up to be.  She is my friend, and I love her, but not the way I love you.  I love her like I love Del.  You, I love like I’ve loved no other.” He leaned down and kissed her again and she sighed against his lips.

She opened her mouth to tell him she loved him too but again he silenced her.

“But words are one thing, actions another, aren’t they?” He asked her and she nodded, suddenly worried about where this might be headed.

“Bethany, I want you to have no room for doubt of how I feel about you,” he took her hand not holding the rose in his. “I want you to always know that it’s you that I want above all others.”

Nathaniel raised the hand he held to his lips and kissed the back of it, and then her lips again.  He took a slight step back, he looked almost scared, but that made little sense to her, what would he have to be scared of?

“Bethany Hawke,” Nathaniel said, his eyes searching hers.  “Will you be mine forever?  Will you marry me?”

Bethany stared at him.  Her brain tried to catch up to what he had just said, but she was stuck.  Did he...? He just...? Was he putting something on her finger? Wait, he asked...?

Tears were forming in her eyes as she looked at her finger to see what looked to be a rather large diamond on it.  She looked up to see he was still watching her. _He’s waiting for an answer, dummy_ she heard, but this time in Marian’s voice.

“Yes,” she answered, nodding in case he didn’t understand her answer. “Yes, Nate, yes I will”.  Tears started falling down her cheeks as the largest grin she’d ever seen on his face appeared and he scooped her up around the waist and spun her around in a circle.  When he placed her back down on the ground he kissed her, hard.

“I swear to you, I will make sure every day for the rest of our lives that you will never doubt my feelings for you,” Nathaniel promised her before capturing her in another kiss.

“So, I’m not on patrol?” She asked him.

He laughed and shook his head no.  “I may have abused my powers of Commander just a bit.”  He took the hand with the ring on it and kissed it again.

“Nate, it’s too much, I mean I love it, but…”

He shook his head, “It was my mother’s, and her mother’s before her.”

“But, won’t Del want it?” She worried.

“I asked her a long time back, longer than I should admit and she gave her blessing.  She wanted you to have this.” He reassured her.

“I love it, Nate.  I love you,” Bethany kissed him again as he led her back to their quarters, not letting go of her hand the entire way.

***

The minute the door to the bedroom closed Nathaniel was pulling her into his arms again and kissing her.  Her lips first, then her cheek, then down her neck. She couldn’t do anything but hold onto his shoulders to keep from collapsing on the floor from sheer joy and desire.  He pressed another kiss to her lips, and then stepped away and she immediately felt the loss of him.  She must have made a noise in response because he chuckled as he sat on a chair and began removing his boots.  She followed suit, removing hers as well.  Bethany started to remove her armor, but he stood up quickly and was in front of her.

“Let me do it,” he kissed her again and she nodded.  Her head was swimming and she just needed more of him, and however he asked, she didn’t care.

As his nimble fingers started to undress her, she took the opportunity to help remove his clothing as well.  Moments later they were in front of each other in just their smalls.  She let out a surprised yelp as he scooped her up and carried her to their bed.  She threw her arms around his shoulders and leaned up to nibble on his neck as he carried her.  Nathaniel placed her on the bed and then crawled in next to her, his hand running along her side softly.  “You are so beautiful,” he said to her.  “I’m a very lucky man.”

Bethany reached up and touched his cheek, pulling him down for a kiss as he removed her breastband.  He held one of her breasts in his hand and began to gently squeeze it, tease the nipple with the rough callous of his thumb as they kissed.  She ran her hands down his muscular back and along his arms.  She wanted more, just more of him touching her, more of his kissing.  He kissed a familiar path down her neck to her chest and finally took a breast in his mouth.  He kissed it and began to suck, his tongue teasing the nipple and sending surges of desire right to her core.  Bethany arched in response and pulled on his hair.  He nibbled on her breast in response causing her to moan.  

One of his arms wrapped around her to hold her close as his other hand slipped under her smalls and found her already wet for him.  He let out a moan as he ran two fingers around her lips and up to her clit, pinching it between the two and gently pulling and rubbing it.  Bethany arched again, yanking his hair to pull him up to kiss her lips again.  She reached a hand between them and found him hard.  She wrapped her fingers around him and began to move, Nathaniel letting out a moan into her neck.  He leaned back to look her in the eyes.

“I want you, Bethany.  Please.” He asked.

She looked at him and bit her lip. “What if I’m not good?” She asked.

Nathaniel smiled softly at her and kissed her lips.  “There’s no way you can’t be.  Please, I need you.” He moaned as she continued to stroke him.

She nodded and kissed him in return.  He pulled back enough to remove his smalls, causing her to have to stop touching him.  He kissed down her torso, slow, wet kisses as he went, stopping to nibble along the way.  His hands reached down and pulled off her now soaked smalls and she let out a moan of anticipation just before his lips pressed to her clit and his tongue began making circles along her.  She cried out, grabbing his hair with both hands as her back arched.  He reached his hands up and held her hips tight as be began to assault her with a vigor, sucking and licking his way over her most intimate of areas as she tried to hold on.

“Nate, Oh Maker Nate, please. Oh please….” She called out not sure what she wanted but needing him to do something.  He placed one, then another finger inside of her and began to move them in and out, curling as they’d move out. She pulled his head tight to her as she cried out, climaxing while calling to him and the Maker.

He kissed her on her stomach and moved his way back up her body, stopping to suck on a breast again as his fingers continued to pump in and out of her.  He added a third and she moaned, grabbing for him, feeling still sensitive from her first orgasm and finding she was nearing the peak of another so quickly.  

She reached for his cock again once he was up far enough and ran her fingers up and down as he nibbled on her neck, and she clenched around his fingers inside of her suddenly.  Her hand left his length as she grabbed his arms, her nails digging in.  Her back arched and her eyes closed shut as she came, calling out his name yet again.  When her back collapsed on the bed and she tried to catch her breath he rolled so that he was covering her body with his.  

“Are you ready?” He asked, moving the hair from her face with one hand and kissing her softly.  She nodded and then felt something press against her entrance.  She realized it was him as he slowly pushed inside of her, and Maker, she felt so full.  He stopped and looked at her, “Tell me if it hurts, ok?” She nodded, and he kissed her again as she felt a sting when he moved further in.

Maker, she felt so full of him, and it wasn’t hurting as bad as she feared.  He watched her closely, looking for signs of pain.  “I love you,” he kissed her again.  He reached down and wrapped one of her legs around his hip and she followed his lead, moving her other around him as well, and then moaned feeling him move into her even more.

“Holy Maker,” she called out.

He slowly pulled out and moaned as he did, before pressing back into her.  “Bethany, oh, you feel so good, so tight, so amazing.” He kissed her, all tongue and lips as she gripped his arms.  He moved in a slow rhythm pumping in and out and she couldn’t think of anything that had ever felt so good in her entire life.

“Nate, oh, I love you,” she moaned and he nibbled on her ear.

“I love you, only,” he moaned, “...only you.  Always, I swear, Maker, Bethany ohhhh….”

Her nails dug into his back as his hands grabbed her hips and he started picking up his pace.  She thought before felt good but holy Andraste, she was pretty sure she was losing her mind in how incredible this felt, the feel of him rubbing where no one had ever touched her before.  She felt so full, so stimulated.  Without any warning she felt herself climax again and reached for him, calling out his name like a prayer.  Nathaniel sat up further and slammed himself into her, his teeth gritting, eyes held shut as he came.  He collapsed next to her, sweaty and spent.  He again brushed the hair from her face as his kissed her.

“I love you,” he said to her.  “I promise you I will make you feel cherished every day, I will love you for all our days.”

Bethany tried to hold back her tears but wasn’t very successful as she kissed him back.  “I already know I will love you forever,” she answered him.

He pulled her into his arms, and she smiled, seeing the ring on her finger again, and feeling spent from their love making but full of energy from their engagement.  She loved him, she loved him so much, and as she fell asleep in his arms, she smiled realizing she would get to do so the rest of her life.


	15. A New Day

****Bethany awoke slowly as the sun hit her eyes.  She let out a yawn and snuggled into Nathaniel’s hold.  Soft lips kissed her forehead as arms tightened around her, hugging her close.

“Good morning, love,” he said quietly to her.

“Mmmm, you’re awake?” She replied sleepy.

“For some time, force of habit.” He kissed her nose when she tilted up to look at him. “How are you feeling?”

Bethany stretched, still staying in his arms, not wanting to leave that cocoon yet. She felt some soreness in muscles she’d never even felt before, and her legs also felt strained.  “A little sore.” She admitted.  She then blinked, finally realizing the sun was up.

“How’d we manage to sleep this long without anyone disrupting us?” She asked him.

“I had put Geralt in charge for this morning.  They’re all bugging him instead.” Nathaniel kissed her lips gently.  “I figured we’d want to have a relaxing morning.”

“Awful sure of yourself that I’d say yes, Howe?” She teased him as she snuggled in tighter.

“I am quite the charmer,” he laughed as there was a knock on the door.

Bethany let out a disappointed moan.  “I thought you said we’d be alone.  Haven’t you taught Aidan to bite them yet?”

Nathaniel chuckled.  “That’s just breakfast and a bath, love.” He kissed her forehead as he rose from bed and put on his sleep pants.  He answered the door and let the servants enter.  As he had said, they set up a tray with food as two others carried in a tub and filled it with water.

After they left Nathaniel returned to the bed and held out his hand.  “Come on, a bite and then a soak.” When she rose he wrapped a robe around her and tilted her chin up to look at him.  He kissed her again, softly, his hand wrapping around her waist.  “I love you, I don’t think I said that yet this morning, forgive me that.”

Bethany smiled at him.  “You arranged for a bath, I think I’ll let it slide this time.”

After a small breakfast, she walked over to the tub and cast a light heat spell to warm up the water.  She looked at the tub and realized it was larger than the one in the senior wardens’ shared bathroom.  Nathaniel came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, he nuzzled his nose into the crook of her neck and gave her a kiss along it.  “Mind if I join you?”

Bethany’s smile grew large in response.  “Not at all.” She answered, dropping her robe and crawling into the tub.

Nathaniel removed his sleep pants and then climbed into the tub behind her pulling her back to lie against him, her back to his chest.  She let out a sigh, the hot water melting away the soreness in her legs and between.  She leaned her head back against his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

She closed her eyes, just enjoying the feel of being in his arms, and the hot water relaxing her.  He occasionally would press a kiss to her forehead as she felt him also relax behind her and they just laid there for several minutes, enjoying not having the pressures of their normal life on them, even if just for a few hours.  Bethany opened her eyes when she felt him lift her hand with the ring on it and press it to his lips.  

“I love you, future wife,” he said to her, kissing her lips softly when she turned her head to look at him.  She couldn’t help the ridiculously large smile that came across her face when he called her that.  Her heart overflowed, already filled with so much love and joy.

“I love you too, future husband,” she all but giggled at the word.

His arms squeezed around her as he kissed her cheek.  “Remember that when you’re being dragged all over by Gareval and Del with the wedding planning.” He chuckled.

“I promise,” she kissed him again.

***

Bethany knocked on Sigrun’s door, and hid her hand behind her.  Elaine opened it and waved a hand to signal for her to enter.  Sigrun rushed off her bed to Bethany as soon as Elaine shut the door.

“Where is it? Let us see.” The dwarf excitedly bounced up and down as she talked.

Bethany laughed, “I should have guessed you were in on this.” She pulled her hand from her back and the other two let out a gasp.

“Holy Andraste, that’s huge!” Elaine cried out.

Bethany nodded, “He said it was his mother’s.”

Sigrun led her to sit on the bed with her and Elaine.  “So how did he ask? Was it romantic? When’s the date? Oh I bet it was romantic” Elaine looked dreamy.

Bethany laughed at her friends’ excitement.  “It was, very.  He said he didn’t want me to ever worry about his feelings for the Hero or any other woman, that he wanted me to know I was who he wanted.  He said he hoped I got to meet her someday, that we’d probably like each other.”

Sigrun nodded.  “You would.  She’s not like most nobles.  I mean she can act the part when she has to, but when she’s really herself, she’s great.  She can drink Oghren under the table, and fight with the best of them.  And once she considers you one of hers, she’s loyal and protective no matter what.  I’m sure that’s why Anders is with her.  If there’s anyone in Thedas that would still help him, it would be the Commander.”

Bethany nodded, feeling like she was starting to get a better picture of the woman.

“So, you two up for helping me plan the wedding?” She asked them.  They both squealed with delight and nodded.

*******

Nathaniel had reopened access to Vigil's Keep a week later, but with heavy guard rotation, and checks required on anyone entering.  Wardens were still not permitted to leave, but residents were able to enter for trade or to talk with the Seneschal.

Nathaniel and Bethany walked towards the vendor stalls, Bethany wanting to talk to someone about flowers, even though they had yet to set a date.  Nathaniel looked over her head and then back down to her.  “Sorry,” he said.

“For what?” She asked and then a moment later found herself being lifted in the air and spun around.  When she was placed back on the ground she turned to find Delilah looking at her with a huge grin.

“Finally someone tied my fool brother down.  I thought this day would never come.” She hugged Bethany laughing.  “Congratulations.  Alex, by the way, is over the moon that he’ll have an Aunt.”

Bethany grinned, “Thanks Del.”

“And are the rumors true, Nathaniel?  Ari’s returned?” Delilah asked him.

“They are, she’s with the Inquisition.  But you need to keep that quiet for now, Del.  I’m not sure she wants everyone to know where she is just yet.” Nathaniel answered his sister.

She nodded, “Still, it’s good news all around.  I haven’t seen her since she was the Commander here.  It’ll do my heart good to see her alive and well.”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to see you too, Del.  If you want to write her, just bring me the letter and I’ll be sure she gets it,” Nathaniel have his sister a hug.

“Nate, you’re off the hook, Del here can help me make plans.” Bethany told him.  Nate gave his sister a grateful look and gave Bethany a kiss on the cheek, leaving before she could change her mind.  He loved her, but picking out flowers was not his idea of a fun afternoon.

Bethany walked with Delilah looking through the stalls the merchants had out.  They appeared to have brought out all their best wares, happy to have the chance to do business with the Wardens again, it seems.

“So, you knew the Couslands?” Bethany asked her.

Delilah nodded.  “Not as well as Nate, though.  I was a lot younger than them, so I was just sort of, around.  Although Arianna was always very nice to me.  She’d play with me and scold my brothers if they were mean to me.  But Nate, he was thick as thieves with those two.  He was almost like a sibling to them.  He and Fergus are still that close.”

Delilah stopped and looked at the ring on Bethany’s hand.  “Are you sure it’s ok for me to have this? It was your mother’s.”

Delilah smiled, “She’d want you to have it.  Bethany, I haven’t seen my brother this happy in a very very long time, if ever.  I worried he’d be alone forever.  Thank you for giving him someone to love,” Delilah took her hand with a squeeze.  “And thank you for giving me a sister.  Finally an ally against boys, although about thirty years too late,” she laughed.

“Oh, I can tell you stories about rotten brothers,” Bethany laughed with her, linking arms with the woman as the sought out the florist.

***

Bethany place a tray of food on Nathaniel’s desk and then sat in his lap. He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a kiss.

“Here to distract me from my work?” He asked her.

“You skipped lunch, you need to eat.” She answered, holding out a piece of bread to him.

“Only two weeks into being Lady Howe-to-be and already telling me what to do.” He teased her, his arms squeezing around her hips as he took the bread.

“Get used to it, having someone take care of you for a change, I mean.” She kissed his cheek.  “So what’s got you so busy, anyway?”

“Blood magic,” he sighed.

“What?” She asked confused.

“The Wardens. I received word from Arianna that the Wardens there are performing blood magic.  We need to shut down the Keep again.” Nathaniel sighed.

 


	16. Planning

The Commander only had one day off a week.  Thankfully Geralt scheduled it so Bethany had that same one day off a week, so there was one day they could always relax and just spend time together.  Nathaniel treasured those days more than any, where he could sleep in, spend the morning just talking with Bethany, and not needing to run here or there for those twenty-four hours.  So when he woke up alone in bed it was with a frown.

He cracked open an eye as he heard the door open and close quietly, and saw her enter carrying a tray of food.

“My bed is short one mage,” he complained.

Bethany giggled.  “I brought breakfast to make up for it.” She crawled into bed next to him, placing the tray in front of her.  She took a piece of buttered bread and held it out for him to bite.  He did, and smiled at her.

“Peace offering accepted,” he pulled her close, giving her a kiss before sitting up so that she could snuggle closer.

Bethany leaned into his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, giving her a kiss on her cheek before reaching over to take a slice of cheese from the plate.  “Have you given thought to a date yet? Del is driving me crazy needing details.” He asked.

“I was hoping to find Marian first.  She’s my only family, having her there means a lot.” She replied hoping she wasn’t disappointing him with her answer.

He gave her a hug, “Then we look for her.  I still have plenty of contacts from when my family was noble.  Where do you know of her being last?”  He knew if it was him, he’d want to know where Delilah was.

“Alistair said they last knew her to be in Ansburg.  I know that was a year ago, but maybe there’s some clue as to where she went.” She suggested.  “I don’t want to wait forever, but maybe we can at least look for a few months?”

Nathaniel brushed the hair from her cheek and kissed it. “She’s your sister, we wait as long as you want us to.  I promise I understand.”

Bethany let out a contented sigh and snuggled into him further.  “You’re pretty wonderful, you know that?”

He chuckled, “I have been told.  Mainly by you.”

“How about Arianna?” She asked him.

“Are you asking if she says I’m wonderful?  Cause that may depend on the month.  I am pretty sure she can tell you some times she didn’t think I was too wonderful,” he chuckled again.

“No,” she laughed, “I meant what about her and the wedding.  Does she have plans to return to Ferelden?”

“I’m uncertain. There are…circumstances that make that difficult right now.” He replied hating having to dance around things with her.  “It’s related to her husband’s death.  At the very least I believe she plans to stay until the Inquisition decides what to do with Anders.”

“Ok, how about we spend the next six months looking for Marian.  After that, if we haven’t found her and Arianna hasn’t made plans to return, we have our wedding.  If we find Marian or know Arianna is returning later than that for sure, we hold it then?” She suggested.

“You’d be willing to wait for her?  I thought you had concerns?” He tilted his head to look at her.

“I did, but then I talked more with Del, and she helped me realize she’s like family to you.  And I can hardly ask for us to wait for Marian and not be willing to wait for someone that means so much to you.” She smiled at him.

“Now you’re the wonderful one,” he squeezed her in his arms.  “However now I’m afraid of you two meeting.”

“Why?” She asked, curious to what he could be worried about.

“After she tells you how awful I was growing up, you may change your mind about marrying me,” he teased, giving her side a tickle.

“I did have a brother, if you recall.  I know how much of a prat teenage boys can be.  I think I’ll forgive you,” she leaned over and kissed him on the lips.

“Remember that later,” he chuckled, taking a cup of tea from the tray.

Bethany took a bite of a cookie and smiled, enjoying the taste.  “These remind me of Kirkwall.”

Nathaniel decided she was too far away and pulled her close to him again, “How so?”

“When I was there, we lived with my Uncle.  We had nothing, Marian and I took whatever jobs we could to earn some coin.  We saved what we could, but there was one treat she and I would indulge in every so often.”

“Cookies?” He asked.  He tried to picture what it would have been like for her.  He knew he grew up more privileged than most.  He never had to worry where his next meal was coming from or if there was a roof over his head.  Even after his father had destroyed everything, the Wardens provided.

“Candied dates,” she leaned her head against his shoulder and sighed at the memory.  “There was a vendor in the market that sold them.  She and I would only get a few, but it was always our secret, we knew our mother would insist it was money unwisely spent.  I haven’t seen them anywhere since.”

***

_Fergus’ wedding was in a week, two days after his eighteenth Nameday.  He and Nathaniel were currently packing up to head out for an overnight camping trip with a few other friends, a final hurrah of drinking, cards and dirty stories before he was a married man._

_“Can’t I go, pleeeease?” Fergus’ sister begged._

_“No,” Nathaniel answered._

_“I wasn’t asking you,” Arianna replied, blushing._

_“No, Pup.  Not this time.” Fergus shook his head.  “After I’m back from our honeymoon we can take a trip.”_

_“Why can’t I go this time?  I promise I won’t tell Da anything you do.” She tried to bargain._

_“Because no one wants a thirteen year old girl around, Carrot Head.” Nathaniel answered her curtly._

_She looked at him with a hurt expression.  She thought he was cute, but he was always teasing her and calling her names.  Then she’d go see her mother and cry about how Nathaniel was always so mean to her.  Eleanor Cousland would give her a knowing look and try to reassure her that it wouldn’t always be this way.  She’d tell her that’s just how sixteen year old boys sometimes were and then would try to distract her with baking cookies or sometimes a shopping trip._

_“Why are you such a prat?” She glared at him trying to fight back the tears from hurt and embarrassment that he thought of her as still a child.  He was always flirting with other girls when they went into town or at dances.  Why couldn’t he see she was just as pretty as those girls?_

_“Why are you so interested in what we’re doing?  You’re a girl.  Shouldn’t you be playing with a doll or learning to sew or something?” He answered not even looking at her now, just packing his sack._

_“I hate you Nathaniel Howe. You’re a jerk.” She cried and stormed out of the room._

_“Yes, why wouldn’t we want her to come along?” He rolled his eyes in reply after she had left._

_“You know she has a crush on you, right?” Fergus asked him as he closed up his._

_“It’s fairly obvious.  Isn’t there someone else she could follow around instead?” Nathaniel shook his head._

***

Despite the fact that the Wardens were on lockdown, Vigils Keep was still an Arldom.  As such, the business of the Arldom needed to continue.  Nathaniel was glad the visiting noble this time was the Teyrn of Highever, Fergus Cousland.

“Ele and Alistair are at Skyhold now, they should be returning soon,” Fergus said while taking the glass of whiskey from Nathaniel.  “I hope seeing her does Ari some good.”

Nathaniel nodded, hoping for the same.  “I’m guessing Ele will fill us in completely when we see her.” He grinned.  “Since you are here, I have a favor.  For Bethany.”

“Of course,” Fergus gave a knowing smirk, “Anything for the woman that is finally convincing the legendary Nathaniel Howe to settle down.”

Nathaniel chuckled at his teasing and sipped his whiskey.  “She has a sister that she cannot find.  If you could reach out to your contacts in Antiva, see if anyone has any ideas where Marian Hawke might be?”

“THE Marian Hawke?” Fergus asked, chuckling again when Nathaniel nodded.  “Can do.”

“Also, if you could arrange for this.  A surprise for her.” He handed Fergus a note and some coin.  Fergus looked at it and nodded again.


	17. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some NSFW that wasn't planned but sort of happened anyway is in here.
> 
> Also, if you read "Finding Life Again", Bethany's note to Marian is here :D

****Bethany ran her latest recruits through their drills of countering with a staff.  She walked around watching them mock battle when a runner approached.

“Wa...Warden H…” The runner panted out of breath.

“Take a minute and catch your breath,” she tried to get the man to relax before passing out.

The young man nodded and took a few breaths before continuing.  “Warden Hawke, The Commander asked me to find you immediately.  He said there’s something urgent needing your attention.  His office, Serrah.”

Bethany nodded and dismissed her recruits.  She worried her lip as she walked to his office.  She hoped it wasn’t bad news about her sister.  She knocked on the door and entered when he called out.

Nathaniel was looking over papers on his desk and grinned warmly when he saw her.  He motioned for her to sit.  He walked around his desk, a paper in his hand and bent down to give her a kiss.

“Please tell me you didn’t cause that poor man to nearly pass out just so you could get a kiss,” she teased.

Nathaniel chuckled. “No, there was an actual reason.  You have a wedding to plan, my love.” he handed her the letter as Bethany raised an eyebrow.

She scanned the short note, her eyes watering before she reached the end.  Bethany’s hand covered her mouth as she took in a breath from shock.  She raised her eyes to look at him and saw him watching her with such love.

 _Nate,_   
  
_I have a favor to ask. I need you to help me track down a Warden from Kirkwall. Her sister is a friend, who has been helping the Inquisition, but they lost touch several years ago. With all that’s going on now with the Wardens, she is understandably concerned._   
  
_Please see if you can find where Bethany Hawke may be located._   
  
_Thanks_ _  
Ari_

“She… Marian’s in Skyhold?  She’s looking for me too?” Bethany asked, her voice wavering.

“It appears so.  I thought you might want to write her yourself.  We can send it via messenger bird to get back quickly.” He offered.

Bethany rose, and wrapped her arms around Nathaniel. She couldn’t help the tears of joy.  She’d found her.  She’d found Marian, and Marian was looking for her too.  It was only a matter of time before she could see her beloved sister.  “Thank you.”

Nathaniel kissed the top of her head.  “I wish I could take credit for this.  But this was just dumb luck.  But I knew you’d want to know right away.” he tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to her lips. “Arianna plans to stay another five months until Anders’ sentence is done.  I don’t know if she plans to return to Ferelden yet, but we found your sister.”

“So we can set our date.” Bethany grinned, pressing another kiss to his lips.  It was real, really real.  Her heart soared.

“Yes, write your sister, and we’ll set our date.” Nathaniel pulled her in his arms resting his forehead along hers and just closed his eyes, feeling more at peace than he had in a very long time.

Before they could get much further than a quick kiss there was a knock at the door.  Nathaniel looked over at Aidan who was just sitting with his tail wagging.  “You are a horrible attack dog,” he teased the mabari as he walked to the door.

He opened the door to find Geralt there.  “Visitors at the gate.  They’re asking for you personally.” He told Nathaniel.

After Nathaniel passed, Geralt gave Bethany a smile seeing her face lit up as she exited Nathaniel’s office.  “You look very happy.”

“We found my sister,” she beamed at him, unable to contain the excitement.

“Hey!  That’s wonderful news.  Congratulations.” Geralt put his arm around her and gave her shoulder a squeeze as they walked towards the main gate.  “Why don’t I treat you to a drink at the tavern tonight.  We’ll lift our glasses to celebrate?”

“That would be perfect.  You have a date, Constable,” she laughed.

“So when will she be here?” He asked as they continued to follow Nathaniel, Aidan right beside him.

“I have to write her, she doesn’t know.  It turns out she’s with the Hero, who wrote Nate asking for help finding me! Oh!” she stopped suddenly seeing that by “visitors” Geralt actually meant what looked to be about two-hundred soldiers.

“Commander Howe, Ser?” one of the soldiers saluted.

Nathaniel nodded, “I am.  Report, soldier.” he replied sternly.  Bethany always got chills when he used his “Commander” voice.  Something Nathaniel knew all too well.  However his stance told her he wasn’t doing it for her benefit, but rather because he was concerned who these soldiers standing at his entrance were.

The soldier handed Nathaniel a letter which he could see had the seal of the King of Ferelden on it.  “His Highness, King Alistair sent us, Ser.  To aid in protection of the Keep.”

Nathaniel opened the letter and nodded after reading it.  “Constable, see to finding the King’s Army room in the barracks.” he ordered.  “Gentlemen, your service is appreciated.”

He turned then to return to his office motioning with his eyes for Bethany to follow.  Once back in the privacy of his office, he locked the door.

“Is there something wrong?” she asked.

“Only that we were interrupted before I got to do this.” he answered stepping close and wrapping an arm around her waist.  He tilted her chin up and pressed his lips to hers.  He ran his tongue along her bottom lip, and when she opened her mouth in response his tongue tangled with hers, making her feel weak in the knees.  Over a year and his kisses still made her swoon.

His hand that had been around her waist slid up her back slowly and began to untie her robe.  At the same time he tilted her head with his thumb and began kissing and nibbling at her neck.  Bethany began pulling at the clasps of his armor, it dropping to the floor with a thud when she hit the last one.  She felt him make what she was sure was a smug smile along her neck when her robe fell to the ground.  She tugged at his shirt to pull it from his breeches as he picked her up and carried her to his couch.

Nathaniel laid her down on his couch and pulled off his shirt looking at her with so much heat in his eyes she blushed.  His eyes gazed over her body, her covered in only a matching red lace breast band and smalls.  “You are so beautiful.” he said, his voice husky as he laid down on top of her kissing her slowly.  

His hand ran behind her back to untie her band as he kissed her and ground his hips along hers.  “Bethany,” he moaned, his lips moving to her ear to nibble on it.  “You drive me to distraction.”

She couldn’t help but smile at his praises.  Her fingernails digging into his back as he tossed her breastband to the ground and began to pluck at her nipple with his fingers.  She rolled her hips up into his, moaning at his obvious arousal pressing hard against her.  She nibbled at his neck, tasting the salt from his skin.  He released more moans of her name from his lips.

His hand slid down her body and under her smalls.  His index finger finding her clit and pressing on it.  “Nate,” she whined, arching her back as he pressed a finger into her, while he let out a low growl in her ear.

“Shh, love.  We don’t want the rest of the Keep to hear you.” he said in that voice he knew affected her, making her wonder if he meant the opposite of his words.  He added another finger inside of her as he pressed her clit making her feel that wonderful pressure in her abdomen.  She bit into his shoulder to cover her cries as she came around his hand.  Before she had a chance to recover he was peeling off her smalls and her hand tugged at the laces of his breeches, pulling them down as soon as she was able.

Bethany pulled him back down on top of her.  He pulled one of her legs around his hips and kissed her again as she felt him enter her.  Slow at first, filling her up in just the best of ways.  She loved being so close to him.  Feeling his naked chest along hers, the heat from him enveloping her.

“You feel so good,” he whispered in her ear.  “Like you were made just for me.”

“I love you,” she kissed him again as he began to move his hips slowly.  Chills ran up her spine feeling him move inside of her.  She clung to his biceps as she lifted her hips to meet his.  Her whole world concentrated on the feeling of him inside her, of his eyes watching hers.  She’d never felt so connected to someone as she did with him.  It was intense, thrilling and a little frightening all at once.  She could feel a pulsing starting, her head tilted back, her mouth opened in an O as she moaned his name.

She felt like perfection to him, he closed his eyes, feeling them want to roll back.  Maker, she was so amazing.  The thought of having her by his side for the rest of his days felt so right, so good.  He sped up, thinking of how he would have this woman with him as his wife.  He felt her tighten around him as her back arched and she called out his name.  His name on her lips, in the middle of ecstasy was just the most beautiful sound to him.  It tipped him over the edge and he came hard, moaning louder than he intended.

He rolled onto his side and faced her, brushing the hair back from her face.  Nathaniel kissed her slowly.  “I love you, Bethany Hawke.  My everything, holding you like this in my arms.  You feel like home.” he professed to her.

Her heart soared at his words.  “I love you too, so much, Nate.”

***

_Marian -_

_I can hardly believe I’m finally writing a letter you will actually see.  I’ve been looking for you for so long, I had started losing hope I would ever see you again.  I knew that you survived everything in Kirkwall three years ago but that was all I knew for so long.  Then I found out from the King of Ferelden, of all people, that you were married.  To Fenris.  That was a shock to say the least.  I hope he is good to you and different  from what I remember._

_Marian, I don’t even care anymore why we fought.  I just miss my sister every single day and I want you back in my life.  So much has changed since we talked last.  I’m now a Senior Warden and I’ve been transferred to Ferelden, Vigils Keep specifically.  But that’s not the biggest change.  I’m getting married, sister.  We haven’t set a date because I was waiting to find you, but now that we have, you just need to tell me when you’re returning to Ferelden and that is when we will marry._

_Do you remember when we were living in Lothering and how we used to find the visiting nobles both a combination of fascinating and stuck up?  Well, joke’s on me, I’m marrying one of those same stuck up nobles we used to mock.  Nathaniel Howe.  Yes, THAT Nathaniel Howe.  Oh Marian, he is wonderful, and sweet and kind and heroic and dashingly handsome.  I love him so much, the legends didn’t do him justice.  I just know you’ll love him when you meet.  Well, actually, apparently you did meet.  Imagine my surprise to find out my sister knew the King and Princess of Ferelden!  Well, haha, I know them now too.  In fact I’m “Aunt Bethany” to the Princess.  Isn’t she adorable?_

_I know you are busy with the Inquisition, but when are you coming to Ferelden.  I miss you, I cannot wait to hug you and cry with you and for you to stand beside me at my wedding._

_I love you, dear sister._

_Bethany_

***

Nathaniel and Geralt sat in Nathaniel’s office going over mission reports and training drills.  With the arrival of the King’s Army, it meant that Wardens could have leave again and that Vigils Keep could be open for trade with the locals.  Nathaniel was excited as he had plans to spend a few days in Highever with Fergus, Elissa and Ele.  For that reason, he was reviewing everything so that Geralt could keep things running in his absence.  

“I received a report this morning of Darkspawn activity here,” Nathaniel pointed to a location about three days south.

Geralt nodded, “I’ll send Sigrun, Patterson and Martin.”

“Good,” Nathaniel nodded.  “I have requisitions here for supplies.  I suggest talking to Garevel, see if he can help with some diplomatic contacts to get some of the harder to get items.”

Geralt nodded again taking the list.  They continued looking over reports, planning strategy for most of the morning when there was a knock at the door.  They looked up to see Bethany and Sigrun there.

“Commander, Constable,” Sigrun nodded from the door.

“Is something wrong, Sigrun?” Nathaniel asked, seeing the look on the dwarf’s face.

“We were hoping you could tell us, Commander.” Sigrun answered.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Nathaniel shook his head.  “Do you have something to report?”

Bethany and Sigrun looked at each other and then back to the men.  “Neither of us are hearing the song anymore,” Bethany explained.

Geralt looked at Nathaniel and then closed his eyes.  He concentrated.  It was then that he noticed he wasn’t hearing it anymore either.  “Commander?” he asked Nathaniel.

A slow grin crept across Nathaniel’s face as he shook his head.  Bethany strode quickly into the room and across it to wrap Nathaniel in a hug.  Normally she knew he preferred to maintain professionalism around the others when on duty, but she assumed this time he wouldn’t mind.  He apparently didn’t as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips before letting her go and slapping Geralt on the back in congratulations as Sigrun ran off to tell the others.  He had no idea how it happened, but based on her letters, he assumed the Inquisition had something to do with it and was grateful.

She watched him grin, talking with Geralt.  He seemed more relaxed.  Bethany knew he’d been carrying around the weight of worrying about the Wardens under his care.  Both the false Calling and the news of blood magic had caused him to lose a lot of sleep the past few months.  Looking at him now, his shoulders seemed to have released, his face less tight.  Seeing him like this made her happy, feel more relaxed knowing a burden had been lifted from him.

***

Nathaniel checked on the fish cooking over the firepit and then stood up, brushing his hands along his legs. He looked around at the grounds he knew well.  He, Fergus and Ele were currently, camping on a distant part of Highever, near the hunting cabins.

He sat back down on the log and Ele immediately climbed into his lap.  “Mamá gave me this.” she said proudly showing him a chain that was too long for her with a silverite charm in the shape of a heart on it.

“This is very pretty.  I remember her wearing this,” He told her looking at it.

“It’s from Papá,” she answered proudly.

“I remember when he gave that to your mother,” Fergus chimed in. “It was the day after you were born.”

“You were there?” Ele asked with wonder.

“I was.  You were just about the most adorable thing I had ever seen,” Fergus smiled at her.  “I bet you were happy to see your mother after so long.”

“I was.  She promised that when she comes back it’s forever.” she smiled.  Then she frowned slightly, “Oh, Uncle Nate, you can’t kiss her anymore.”

Nathaniel tried to hold in a chuckle.  “We talked about that Ele.  That was a long time ago.  Remember, I’m marrying Aunt Bethany.”

Ele nodded, “Yes.  And she kisses Anders now.”

Nathaniel had to keep from dropping her from his lap in his shock.  “She does what now?”

“She likes Anders.  He makes her happy and Uncle King said we should want her to be happy.  So you can’t be mad at her for it ok?”

“Ok,” Nathaniel chuckled.  “I’m just surprised is all, but I promise I won’t be mad at her.”

“Can we eat dinner now?” Ele asked eyeing the fish, apparently done with this conversation.

Nathaniel and Fergus had gotten used to how the ten year old would just randomly change topics.  “Absolutely,” Fergus answered, moving to prepare the fish.

After the Princess finally fell asleep in her tent the two men sat near the fire sharing a drink.

“So, this is the same Anders that was at the Keep?”  Nathaniel nodded to his question.  “And the same one that blew up the Chantry?” Fergus continued and Nathaniel nodded again.

“Alistair mentioned in a letter that she was making some choices he wasn’t fully behind but he was trying to support her just the same.  I’m guessing this is what he was alluding to.” Nathaniel answered.

“So how concerned should I be?  Should I head to Skyhold? Is she in danger?” Fergus shifted nervously.

Nathaniel shook his head.  “I know it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him, but I don’t think he’s any danger to her.  The man was clearly in love with your sister during the Blight.  Maybe they can help each other, who knows.  But no, I don’t think he’s a danger to her.  Besides, she has friends in Skyhold, I’m sure they’re already keeping their eyes on things.”

Fergus sighed and let the tension fall from his shoulders.  “I just wish I could protect her from, well, anything.  She’s out there in danger from not only the Crows but who knows what else and I can’t do anything.  It was so much easier when we were kids and the most I had to protect her from was from a bee or a broken heart.”

Nathaniel nodded, understanding completely what Fergus meant by wanting to protect her.  He looked into the fire and brooded.  He was aware that he was one of the things Fergus had needed to protect her from.   He knew he had broken her heart more than once.  No matter how many told him he wasn’t to blame, he still carried around guilt that the attack on the Couslands and on her would not have happened if he’d been there to protect them.

***

Bethany sat on their bed watching Nathaniel pack.  She had just finished her shift, still in her Warden uniform.  He was dressed more casual, preparing for his trip.

“But you’ve only been back a week, you have to leave again?” she sighed.  She knew he wouldn’t leave if he didn’t have to, but she missed him already.

Nathaniel gave her a smile and bent down to press a kiss to her cheek.  “I’m sorry love.  I promise I’ll be back as soon as I can.  But perhaps this will make up for my leaving.” He shook a wooden box.

“Ooo, what is that?  Gimmie!” she teased him trying to snatch the box from him as he yanked it away with a laugh at her playfulness.

He sat beside her on the bed and she curled into his side.  “I had Fergus get these for you.  I was planning to save them for something special, but I guess bribing you into forgiveness for my having to leave again works too.”

He opened the box and she squealed when she saw what was inside.   “Candied dates! Oh Nate, you remembered.” she grinned taking one out.  “Oh! They are even better than I remembered.” she sighed, the sweet taste reminding her of days spent sitting at the dock with her sister enjoying their treat.

He grinned large at her enjoyment.  It made him so happy to make her happy like this.  “From Kirkwall no less.  Nothing is too good for you.  Forgive me now?”

Bethany nodded and leaned against his shoulder as she took another date.  “Did Fergus say why he needed you so urgently?”

Nathaniel shook his head.  “I’m guessing more business than personal.  He sent an official letter from the Teyrn, not Fergus, asking for my assistance at his estate in Redcliffe.  He was pretty vague as to why.  I promise, I’ll be back as soon as I can.  Besides, this gives you and Del more time to plan without me in the way.”

She nodded and snuggled into his arm knowing she only had him to herself a little while longer before he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this, please let me know. I haven't heard much lately from readers so not sure if anyone's interested anymore.


	18. Reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please see the notes at the end, I didn't want to spoil things by putting them at the beginning

Two days after leaving the Keep, Nathaniel entered the grounds to Cousland manor in Redcliffe  just as the sun was starting to set.  He dismounted in front of the the stables and handed the reins over to the stable hand.  A servant ran over to grab the pack from his shoulder.

“Commander Howe, the Teyrn asked me to have you meet him in his library.  I will take these to your room, Ser.” the man explained as he took the pack.

“Did he say what was so urgent?” Nathaniel asked, worried.

“He said to tell you he was sorry for the secrecy, but that you would understand when you got to the library, Commander.” the servant nodded and walked off with Nathaniel’s bag.

Nathaniel walked at a hurried pace, but didn’t run, the training of being raised a noble still in him.   _They did not run unless to battle_.  His mind raced, had something happened to Ele, to Elissa, maybe bad news from Skyhold? And why had Fergus wanted to meet in Redcliffe instead of Highever? He stopped just short of the library when he heard her laugh.  He had to hold himself up on the wall to keep from collapsing. Her laugh.  A beautiful, amazing sound.

He heard Fergus say, “Well you could have popped in. I mean you made time to see Nate, after all,” and then someone choking on a drink while Fergus laughed.

Nathaniel entered the library, immediately his gaze fell upon her.  Her red hair was longer than it had been when he saw  it three years ago, now down past her shoulder blades.  She looked healthy, happier.  Her green eyes shone with affection as she looked at her brother.  Ele had said she was happy, and here before him was the evidence.  

“Leave her alone before she decides to run away again.” He spoke as he entered.  

“Nate,” Ari cried out and rushed into his arms.  

“Ri,” he said, barely above a whisper, wrapping her in a tight embrace and burying his face in her hair.

He hadn’t noticed the tight vice grip on his heart that had been there for three years until just that moment when he felt it release.  He took a breath trying to hold back tears, feeling a shudder run through him.  Her hold on him tightened in response and she buried her nose further into his neck.

“And once again I’m the third wheel.  This time in my own home,” Fergus muttered and left the room realizing they needed time alone.

One of Nathaniel’s hands moved up to run along the back of her head and through her hair.  He could smell the lavender soap, a smell that he always associated with her. She was real, here in his arms.  Even though they’d been writing, it wasn’t until now that the enormity of her return was felt.  She was back, she was safe.  His heart felt like it was singing with joy.  The way she clung to him, it was clear she was feeling the same relief and joy at seeing him.

For three years he had no idea where she was or if she was ok.  For three years his mind had tormented him with long nights worrying if she had met death at the hands of bandits, or had died alone in a campsite from some cold, or any of the hundreds of other ways he had worried fate had stolen her.  Seeing her now put an end to all those worries.  She had promised Eleanor she’d be returning home to never leave again, and he knew she would never break a promise made to her daughter.

She dropped down from her tiptoes.  Nathaniel moved the hand from her hair to cup her cheek.  He pressed his forehead against hers and his eyes closed, just breathing her in.  It wasn't until this moment that he realized just how painful it had been to have her gone for so long.  She was here.  Her hand gently reached out and caressed his jaw.  He pressed his lips to her forehead and held them there. After dreaming for so long of seeing her again she was in his arms, it was almost overwhelming.  She was safe.

Nathaniel looked back down and could see she also had tears in her eyes.  He wiped one off her cheek with his thumb.  “Ri.” he said again with a sigh.  She gave him a warm smile, one he had missed so much.  “Always and forever.” he told her, kissing her forehead again.

“Always and forever,” she repeated to him.  Ari stepped away slightly and took his hand leading him to the couch.  He sat down and she snuggled into his side.  “I missed you, Nate.”

He chuckled to keep from crying again and let out a sigh as one hand wiped away the last of the tears from his face.  His other arm came back down to wrap around her again, pulling her into another hug.  “Maker.  Saying I missed you doesn’t cover it.  Don’t wait three years before writing next time.  I felt like I’d been holding my breath ever since you left.”

She sat back and gazed softly at him, her hand caressing his cheek again. This time he leaned into it. She moved her hand from his face to grasp his.  “I promise.  I’m so sorry for what I put you through.”

Nathaniel shook his head, “No, Ri.  You did what you had to to keep her safe.  I get it. Is there a plan? An endgame?”

“I’m hoping the fact that I’m in Skyhold long enough will draw her out.  Leli and Cullen are keeping eyes and ears open to see if the bitch shows up.  I don’t think she’ll be able to resist the temptation, and the minute she appears I’m taking Lysette out.” she explained.  “I want to come home, to raise Eleanor now that I can, now that there’s a cure.  To be her mother again, it’s what I want more than anything else.”

Fergus re-entered the room and Nathaniel dropped her hand, not wanting to be further teased by the Teyrn.  “Is it safe to return to my own library?” he asked.

“It’s safe,” she laughed at her brother.

“So, you’re getting married.  To a Hawke, no less,” she smiled at Nathaniel.

He hummed in agreement, sounding like he wasn’t really paying attention, instead watching Fergus.  

“So, Eleanor came for a visit last week.” Fergus told her as he handed them both a drink and then took his seat back again.

“Oh, and how did that go?” she asked, taking a sip from her brandy.

“Ok,” Nathaniel answered.  Finally noticing the look Fergus and Nate were giving each other, she realized something was up.  “She told me that I was not allowed to kiss you anymore since you’re now kissing Anders.”

Fergus and Nathaniel laughed as she choked on her brandy.  

“Seriously, pup. What is it with you and the bad boys? First you marry an assassin and now you’re carrying on with the infamous Anders. If Da’ wasn’t already dead, your choice in men would have killed him.” Fergus laughed.  “Suddenly Nate wasn’t so bad.”  
  
“Hey!” Nathaniel batted at him, causing Fergus to laugh harder.  
  
“Is that it?  I was expecting more of a lecture, honestly.” Ari looked at them both.  
  
“Yes, because you’ve ever listened to me about men,” Fergus rolled his eyes, pointing a thumb at Nate. “Besides, Nate vouched for the man, so if I don’t like him, I can blame him.”

She shook her head at the both of them.  It seemed that whenever the three of them got back together as adults, the two fell right back into their old ways of tormenting and teasing her.

“So I hear Eleanor adores Bethany,” she said to Nathaniel, trying to get the conversation off her love life.

Nathaniel smiled, having Bethany and Eleanor like each other had meant a lot to him.  “The feeling’s mutual, she adores Eleanor too.”

“Does she know who she is?” Ari asked.

Nathaniel shook his head, “I kept your secret.”

“Nate, you’re going to marry her, she should know.  It’s ok, tell her.” Ari reassured him.

He let out a breath and nodded, it felt good knowing he didn’t have to keep this secret from her anymore.  The rest of the evening the three spent catching up until they were so tired they needed to drag themselves to bed.

***

The next afternoon Nathaniel leaned over a map pointing at several Warden outposts.  “We’ve lost contact from these here.”

Ari sighed, standing beside him to watch where he was pointing.  “I’ll pass this along to the Inquisition.  It’s disappointing to say the least, I’d hoped the problems had been contained to Orlais.  How are they at Vigil's?”

“Better now that the false Calling has stopped.  Everyone’s a lot less tense now that they aren’t hearing it constantly.  Opening back up the gates helped too.” he explained knowing that even though it had been years since she’d been there, she still considered those men and women _her_ Wardens and she was protective of them.

“We’re working out the formula now.  I’ll work with what’s left of the Warden leadership to figure out the rules around who gets it, but the cure seems to be working.  Alistair, Anders and I haven’t had any side effects we can see and the Inquisition’s arcanist still sees no sign of the taint in mine or Anders’ blood.” She turned around to lean against the desk and look to the door.

Nathaniel picked up her hand, and ran his thumb along it  “About Anders…”

She sighed.  “I knew you weren’t as ok with this as you told Fergus.”

“No, no,” he shook his head.  “I just want to know if you’re ok.  I haven’t seen him in nearly ten years, all I know really are rumors.  I only care that you’re happy, that he’s good to you.”

“I’m happy.  I… I love him,” she blushed.  “I just know I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.  He helps take away my burdens, helps me feel more relaxed.  Less ‘grr’” she held up the hand he wasn’t holding and made a gesture like a claw as Nathaniel laughed.  

“I’m glad.  You know all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy and safe.” he squeezed her hand before dropping it.

“I know,” she replied giving him a little grin.

Fergus entered looking a little frustrated.  “Your companions are here, dear sister.  Including a Vint that keeps asking me if I’m available and I’m fairly sure he’s undressed me with his eyes three times in our quick conversation.”

Nathaniel chuckled which got Ari laughing.  “Sorry, sorry.  That’s Dorian.  He’s harmless, I promise.” she held up her hands in response to the look Fergus was giving the two of them for laughing.  “I guess this is goodbye, but just for now.  I promise you both, I’m working with them to put an end to this mess with the Crows and come home.  I don’t know how yet, but somehow I’m coming back.”

Nathaniel pulled her into a hug and kissed the top of her hair.  “Stay safe.  Tell him if he hurts you he won’t see me coming.”  She chuckled and nodded, returning the hug.

She was barely out of his arms before Fergus pulled her into his.  “What he said.  I love you, Pup.  Return home soon.”

She kissed Fergus’ cheek.  “I will do my damnedest.” She squeezed his hand as she left to collect her bag and return to Skyhold.

After she had left, Fergus clapped Nathaniel on the back.  “You ok?”

Nathaniel nodded.  “Reading she’s alive in a letter and seeing it with my own two eyes was much different.  I feel like I can finally relax.  Breathe.”

“I know the feeling,” Fergus nodded as they left his office.

***

Bethany strode quickly to the stables, having been told Nathaniel had returned.  He’d only been gone a week, meaning whatever was at Redcliffe only need his attention a day or two.  He was walking to the entrance when she got there.  The minute he saw her he dropped his pack and pulled her into his arms, pressing a hard kiss to her lips.  She sighed, knowing he had missed her just as much as she had him.  When he pulled back he had a warm smile.

“I missed you,” she said to him, giving him another quick peck.  “Did everything go well?  What was the urgent need in Redcliffe?”

“Not here,” he said quietly looking around.  “Walk me back to our room?”

She nodded, and he bent down to pick up his pack and took her hand in his.  They walked hand in hand to their chambers. Once inside the room he pulled her close again and pressed kisses to her cheeks and then another slow one to her lips that made her nearly melt.  “I missed you,too.” he said, his forehead leaning on hers for a moment.

He stepped away to retrieve his pack and start unpacking.  “There’s a lot to tell you, but it needs to stay in here.”

She nodded and sat on the bed while he unpacked.

“The mystery was Arianna.  Fergus couldn’t risk the Crows finding out she was in Ferelden, hence the secrecy and vague messages.” he explained as he moved about the room.

“So is she back?” Bethany asked, watching him.

“Not yet.  I told you about what happened to her husband?” Bethany nodded in reply.  “She’s hoping to draw the Crows to her in Skyhold.  Take advantage of the allies she has there to put an end to it all so she can return.  She also confirmed that the Inquisition did in fact kill the demon that was causing the fake Calling, so that’s another relief.”

“That’s all good news.  Assuming her plan works,” Bethany smiled, knowing he continued to worry for her safety.

“There’s more.” he explained.  “For one, apparently she’s involved with a certain mage we both know.”

“Anders?” Bethany’s eyes got big.

Nathaniel chuckled and nodded.  “That was pretty much mine and Fergus’ reaction too.  I’m not sure how serious it is, but she seems happy, so that’s good.”

“How was it to see her again after so long?  I know she’s like family.”

“It was...intense.” he answered not knowing how to describe it.

He sat down next to her and took her hand pressing a kiss to it.  “There’s one more thing.  A secret you know I’ve been keeping from you that I can finally tell you.  You need to keep this to yourself for now, you can’t tell anyone, not Del, not Geralt, no one, understand?”

Bethany nodded, watching his face closely, seeing how serious he was.

He sighed, relieved to finally be able to tell her the truth.  “Ele Therin is actually Eleanor Arainai.  The Crows think she’s with Arianna, but Alistair took her in to hide her.”

“Oh, that poor girl.” Bethany gasped and covered her mouth with a hand.  Her heart broke thinking how it must have felt to lose her father and then have her mother leave when she was so young.  She knew the pain of losing your parents, but she at least had them until she was older.

Nathaniel nodded, hoping she wouldn’t be too angry for the next lie he had told her.  “All those times I said I was going to visit Fergus.  It was to see her.  I wanted to tell you, but there was no way without giving away her identity, and I couldn’t risk it.  I didn’t want to keep these secrets from you, I hope you know that.  This was to keep her safe, to keep a promise I made.  I hated every time I was forced to lie to you, please know that.”

“Then why are you telling me now?” she asked.

“Arianna.  She said if I was going to marry you, I should trust you enough to keep this secret.  I’m sorry, Bethany.  I’d gotten so used to needing to protect this, protect Ele, that I hadn’t considered how many lies upon lies it meant having to tell you.” His thumb ran along the back of her hand, she could tell from his face this had weighed heavily on him.

Bethany curled her legs under her as she turned to face him fully.  Her hand ran along his cheek and she gently turned his head to face her.  She placed a soft kiss on his lips.  “You were keeping a child safe.  I forgive you.  But thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the truth.  I love you, Nate.”

He looked at her and let go of the fear he’d been holding in.  “I love you, too. I can’t wait for you to be my wife.” he pulled her closer and she straddled his lap kissing him again.

“Neither can I,” she smiled at him as she ran her hands through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, the "line ups"  
> When Fergus refers to her finding time to see Nate, he's referring to Ch. 2 of "Searching for the Cure";  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/5301392/chapters/12249383
> 
> This chapter is the same event as chapter 46 in "Finding Life Again": http://archiveofourown.org/works/4125604/chapters/10255035
> 
> Next, to explain a little of this chapter -- in my HC, Nate and Ari are a OTP, soulmates, meant to be. But then along came Rendon Howe and he caused so much damage to each of them that they just don't "fit" anymore. They still love each other, but they just don't mesh like they used to, and both recognize this. Nate is madly in love with Bethany, Ari is madly in love with Anders, those are there "Above everyone else" for them, but that doesn't mean their love died. It's just, well, changed.
> 
> Anders will explain it all in a few chapters. He's way better at this stuff than I am :)


	19. The Biggest Idiots in Thedas

**** Bethany and Elissa sat at the table looking through the swatches the seamstress had dropped off.  All were white, but it was in every type of fabric Bethany could imagine.  Elissa held up on that looked almost like a burlap sack.

“Well here you go, all done,” she teased Bethany, who laughed.

“What are you doing, Aunt Bethany?” Ele asked climbing up next to her on the bench.  It had been two months since Nathaniel had revealed Ele’s true identity to Bethany.  As a result, she was now invited along when he’d visit, causing the Princess and her to bond even more.

“Well, your Aunt Elissa and I are picking out what fabric to make my wedding dress from.  It’s a very important job, would you like to help?” She asked the girl who was now holding her arm.  Ele nodded excitedly.

They sorted through them together making a pile of definitely not and “Maybe”.  They were working through the “Maybes” to narrow those down further when they heard a knock at the door frame.  Turning around they could see Nathaniel leaning against the frame.

“Uncle Nate, you’re not allowed here!” Ele scolded him loudly, causing both Elissa and Bethany to cover their mouths to keep from laughing.

He held his hands up.  “Sorry Ele.  Would it be ok then if I get a goodbye hug from you and then steal your Aunt Bethany for a minute?”

Ele nodded, running up to him and throwing her arms around his neck.  He gave her a squeezing hug that caused the girl to giggle.  She gave him a kiss on the cheek before running back to her Aunt Elissa.

Bethany followed Nate out into the hall, taking his hand when she caught up to him.  He was needing to head back to Vigil's Keep a few days earlier than planned to deal with incoming Wardens that the Inquisition was sending.  He turned her so that her back was to the wall and boxed her in, his lips finding hers as he moved closer, one hand resting on her hip, the other on her cheek.  He ran his tongue along her lip, and when she opened her mouth, his tongue wrestled with hers.  The hand on her hip slid along to her backside, pulling her closer to him.

“Nathaniel Howe, Ele could walk out here any moment,” she quietly scolded him playfully.

He purred into her ear and gave a teasing nip to her neck before letting her hip go.  “Hurry back to the Keep, I will miss you in my bed.”

Bethany giggled and turned her head to kiss him again.  “I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

“I love you, my mage.” he kissed her once more before resting his forehead against hers.  “I will see you in a few days.”

Bethany leaned up and kissed his lips again.  “I’ll only be two days behind you.”

He squeezed her hand and turned.  She watched him walk down the hall, he turned near the end of it to look at her and give her a seductive smile before disappearing around the corner.

When she sat back down at the table, Ele sided up next to her again.  “I’m going to have a new cousin,” she beamed.

“I heard,” Bethany grinned, smiling at Elissa who was running her hand over the small bump on her abdomen.  “You must be very excited.”

“I am.  And it means Uncle Fergus can be a Papá again.” she grinned ear to ear.

Elissa ran her hand along the back of Ele’s head.  “You are very sweet to think of that.”  Ele beamed up at her again.

At dinner that night the girl was full of questions.

“Why did Uncle Nate have to leave?”

“He had Warden business he had to return to.”

“Why do I have to wait another 5 months before I can see the baby?”

“It’s not done cooking yet.” That comment earned Fergus a playful hit on the arm from his wife.

“Are you and Uncle Nate going to have a baby too?”

“It’s very rare for a Warden to have a baby.  Nearly impossible for two Wardens, so probably not.”

“Is my Mamá really going to come back for good?”

“She’s going to do everything she can to make that happen.”

“Is there going to be cake at your wedding?”

“Yes, there will be cake.”

“I like cake!” That also came from Fergus that sent Ele into a fit of giggles.

***

Bethany rode into the Keep and dismounted in front of the stables handing Ruffles to the squire there.  Michael, the stable master, walked up to her as he looked around expectantly.  “And where is the Commander then?  Did you race here and beat him?”

Bethany looked at him confused.  “What do you mean?  He was two days ahead of me.”

Michael’s face dropped.  “The Commander hasn’t been here.  We assumed he was still with you at Highever, Warden Hawke.”

Just then Geralt strode over with a gleam in his eye, “Kept the Commander from returning early like he promised, did you?”

“Geralt, he’s not with me.  He should have been here two days ago,” she looked at him trying to maintain professionalism, not let the other Wardens that were milling about the courtyard see her breakdown.

Geralt’s face fell when he saw the wetness in her eyes.  “My office, now.  Michael, find Warden Sigrun and Patterson and send them to my office.” Michael nodded and took off to find the others.  Normally he might remind the Constable he was not a Warden to be sent on an errand, but seeing how upset Bethany was he didn’t mind this time.  Geralt put her arm through his and walked her a quick pace to the safety of the Constable’s office.

Once they were in his office he had her sit and handed her a glass of water which she drank quickly.  Sigrun and Patterson showed up and Geralt asked them to shut the door behind them.

“What I’m telling you does not leave this office, I don’t need a panic out there on top of everything else.” he ordered them both.  They nodded, saying nothing, although Sigrun kept looking over to Bethany seeing how upset she was.  Her eyes snapped back up to the Constable as he stood in front of them.  “Commander Howe is missing.  We don’t know if he’s injured or if it something was done to him.  Either way, the four of us are going to figure out what happened.  I assume I can trust you both in your being discreet with this.”

“Ser, yes Ser,” they both nodded.

“Good.  Patterson, with me to figure out where to start the search.  Sigrun, see to Bethany, she could use a friend.”  He stepped aside to allow the dwarf to pass as he directed Patterson to the maps on his desk.

Sigrun walked over and took Bethany’s hand.  “Hey, you’re shaking.  It’s going to be ok, we’ll find him.” she tried to reassure Bethany with a hand rubbing her arm.

“I’m not shaking because I’m scared, Sig.  I’m pissed.  When I find out who took him, I’m going to set them on fire.” she looked up, her eyes dark, anger evident on her face.

Sigrun let out a sigh of relief and chuckled.  “You’re like the Commander.  Ari I mean.  Touch one of hers, she’ll kick your ass.  Use that anger, we’ll find him, no doubt.”

Bethany nodded and they joined the others to plan where to start.

***

“Oh Maker, this is going to be so good!” the black haired Antivan looked to the blonde elf.

“You sure he’s still alive?  How’s this Warden going to help us get into the Crows, Trev?” the elf asked him looking at the unconscious man chained to the wall.  They had removed his armor, finding him too heavy to move with it on.  The man now was in just his boots, breeches and a cotton shirt.

“Man, you’re stupid, Anton.  Do you have any idea who this is?” Trev asked his friend who shook his head.  “This here is Nathaniel Howe.  He was betrothed to the Hero of Ferelden.  All we gotta do is get word to her that we have Howe.  She comes to rescue him, we kill her, take her brat, and deliver her to the Crows, and we’re in!  They’ve been looking for her for years.”

“Ohhhhh.  That’s a brilliant plan, Trev.” Anton nodded. “So how do we let her know we have him?”

“Her brother’s the Teyrn in Highever.  We send a note to him, he’ll pass it along, and bam, we’ve got her.” Trev smacked a fist into his hand.

“Man, you’re so smart.  You thought of everything.” Anton grinned.

“I know, it’s so easy I don’t know why none of the Crows thought of it.”  Trev nodded.  “It’s fail proof.”

“Because if you’re unlucky enough to get her here, she’s going to rip you idiots in half.” they both turned to see the man, Howe, had awoken, rubbing his head.  He was growling at them, chained too tightly to get up or even move much.

The two Antivans jumped seeing the Warden awake.  “Crap, what do we do now?”

Trev quickly knocked Howe back out with the pommel on his dagger.  “Dammit, that was close.” he said.  He took something out of his pouch and poured it of his blade.  He then cut two shallow cuts on the man’s chest.

“What’s that?” Anton asked.

“It’s a mild poison.  Won’t do nothing permanent, but should keep him unconscious.” Trev explained.

“Do you… uh do you think we should worry about what he said?” Anton asked eyeing the slumped over Warden suspiciously.

“Nah. He’s bluffing.  She’s a woman, what’s she going to do to us?  Ten silver says we kill her before she’s a foot in the door.  Come on, I have a letter to write, and you need to deliver it.” Trev motioned for Anton to follow.

“How come I gotta deliver it?” the elf asked.

“Cause I’m the brains of this.  I came up with this plan, so you gotta do the grunt work.” Trev explained.

“Ohhhhh. Ok, yeah,” Anton nodded enthusiastically.  He was glad Trev was so smart, they were going to be Crows for sure.

*** 

Bethany, Sigrun and Geralt retraced the route between the Keep and Highever, with Patterson walking in front, his horse’s reins being held by Geralt. Over the past year, Patterson had proven himself a worthy tracker, which was why Geralt had requested him for this mission.  He also knew the young Warden was loyal to Bethany, and would keep his word about not saying a thing about this mission out of that loyalty.

They got as far as they could safely travel before having to stop for the night. So far there’d been no signs of Nathaniel or his horse.  No signs of any struggles, nothing. It was as if he’d just vanished from Thedas.

Geralt watched Bethany as he sat by the fire. She had separated herself from the rest of the group and was playing with a small ball of light in her hands.  It was a simple trick, one Anders had taught her once when they had all set up camp on the Wounded Coast.  A way to distract her from being scared.  She used it now for the same reason.

Geralt walked over and sat next to her.  “Well find him, it’ll be ok.”

She gave him a small smile and looked back at the ball of light.  “I’m scared.” she said barely above a whisper.  “I know earlier I was angry, but now, I’m scared.”

He put his arm around her and pulled her close.  “As your unofficial big brother, not your Constable, I promise we’ll figure this out and get him back to you.”

She leaned on his shoulder and nodded, letting out a sigh, wishing she could believe his words.


	20. Finding Him

“Did you deliver the letter?” Trev asked.

“I did.  Oh boy this is going to be great.  You are brilliant, bloody brilliant,” Anton nodded emphatically.

“Now we just wait.  She shows up, and wham bam, you and I, my friend, are Crows.” Trev grinned, feeling quite proud of himself.

Anton looked in the next room seeing the man still prone on the floor.  “He wake up at all?”

“Nah, told you, that poison will keep him out for the next few days, he’ll not be giving us any trouble.” Trev leaned back in his chair with a cocksure smile.

“It’s not gonna kill him is it?” Anton looked to the door again.

“What’s it matter?  Point was to grab him so he was missing to lure that so called Hero of Ferelden here.  At this point it’s no matter if he’s alive or dead, just matters that she comes.” Trev replied taking a sip of his ale.

“Oh, yeah, yeah, good point Trev.  Doesn’t matter.” Anton nodded again.  He was sure glad Trev thought of all this.

***

As they broke down camp early the next morning, Bethany was again quiet.  She barely slept the night before and did little more than push breakfast around on her plate.  She took a deep breath.   _ What would the Hero do? _ She thought.  The Hero wouldn’t be scared.   _ She’d _ probably have charged off and rescued Nate by now.  Bethany worried her lip as she finished packing her bags.

There was the sound of hooves thundering towards them.  Bethany looked up in the direction they were coming from, fire sparked to life along her fingertips.  She was prepared to fight whoever it was.  What she was not prepared for was to see that it was Fergus Cousland.  Beside him was the man in charge of his knights, Ser Gilmore.  Fergus leapt from the horse and quickly strode over to Bethany.

“Is he here?  Tell me Nate’s safe at the Keep.” His eyes searched hers. He was only a smidge shorter than Nathaniel, but standing before her now in his full armor, he seemed a giant of a man.

“Fergus, how did you even know?” Bethany looked at him with big eyes while the others in camp had grown quiet staring at the two of them.  Fergus handed her a piece of paper.

_ Tell your sister we have her beloved Warden Commander.  If she wants him back she better come get him herself. _

Bethany’s face grew pale.  “Fergus, it’s true, he’s missing.  Did you…” she drew her voice to a whisper, “did you tell her?”

“Maker, no.” Fergus shook his head.  “That would be a horrible idea.  She’d come, she would give her life to save him.   He's my best friend,  but she's my baby sister.  Just trust me, the less she knows the better.”

“How are we going to find him?” she fretted.

Fergus turned over the paper she was holding.

_ Meet us at the old Turpin Farm in Dunharrow, Hero. _

“I...they told us where they are?” she looked up at him with a questioning look, one eyebrow raised.

He took the note back, “Either it’s a trap or we’re dealing with idiots.  I’m hoping it’s the latter.”

Bethany nodded as Geralt approached.  “Geralt, ready the horses, we’re heading to Dunharrow.”

“Well now I know for sure you’re upset if  _ you’re _ giving  _ me _ the orders.,” Geralt answered.  The corner of his mouth was turned up, and she took a deep breath realizing he would let the slip in command go.

Fergus turned to Ser Gilmore, “Gil, I need you to go to Highever and return with a wagon in case Nathaniel is injured.  Your discretion with this, I don’t want someone thinking to notify Arianna out of loyalty to her, understood?”  The Knight nodded and departed quickly without another word.

Geralt returned to them a moment later.  “We’re ready to depart whenever you are, Bethany, Your Lordship.”

Fergus nodded and took Bethany’s hand.  “I’ve seen Nate deal with unbelievable odds and come out without a scratch.  Let’s go bring him home.  I know where this farm is, we can be there before noon.”

She took a deep breath, his confidence emboldened her.  She mounted her horse and they all fell in line behind Fergus as he led the way to the farm.

About two hours into their journey they found his armor.  “There’s blood on it.” Bethany said, her voice and hands shaking as she held his chest piece.  _ Please, Maker, let him be alive. _  Images flooded her mind of Carver after the Ogre had gotten hold of him. She closed her eyes and felt someone touch her shoulder.

“Leave it for now, we will get it on the way back.” Fergus told her.  He wanted to be more reassuring, but he knew just how cruel fate could be, and he didn’t want to risk filling her with false hope if this did not turn out the way he prayed.  If Nathaniel wasn’t alive, not only would Bethany be a mess, but his sister would tear him a new one for not informing her that he was in danger.  He prayed to the Maker he’d made the right decision about not sending word to Skyhold. He watched Bethany as she walked back to her horse.  It was clear to him that she was just holding on by a few threads.  She looked tired, dark circles under her eyes, her face so full of worry.  Fergus made a promise in his head to Nathaniel that if he was truly gone, that he would make sure to take care of Bethany, that he would see to it that she would be ok.

They remounted and continued on.  Bethany watched Fergus closely, he was sitting straight, looking confident.  She knew Nathaniel was his best friend, a brother almost.  If he could be confident, then so could she.  She let out a slow breath and looked over to Sigrun giving her a half grin and a nod.

Patterson continued to walk ahead of the team.  Even though they knew their destination, he was keeping an eye out for any traps along the way, or signs that perhaps they’d gone a different way.  About two more hours later Fergus turned them to the East and over a few hills they saw what appeared to be a dilapidated farm house.  He signaled for everyone to stop.

“That’s the place.  I recommend we leave the horses here, give them less of a chance to hear us coming.” he said looking at Geralt who nodded.

“Sigrun, stay with the horses, the rest of you follow.  Bethany, you’re between me and Patterson.” Geralt ordered the Wardens as they quietly followed Fergus towards the house.

Once they were close to the house they could hear two people talking inside, both male.  Fergus peered into the window.  One appeared to be sharpening a blade while talking to the other.  From their accents, he knew them to be Antivan.

“So you really think we can kill the Hero without a problem?” the elf asked.

“Absolutely.  Everyone knows the King did all the hard work.  She’s going to be a piece of cake to defeat.  Probably won’t even break a sweat,” the other man answered looking at his blade.

Fergus let out a quiet breath.  “Idiots,” he mouthed to Bethany.  He leaned over and whispered something in her ear, to which she nodded and followed him to the front door.  

Fergus knocked on the door.  “Who’s there?” came a voice from inside.  Fergus looked to Bethany.

“It’s the Hero, I came as you requested,” she answered.

The door opened and the elf that answered it immediately looked pale seeing the Teyrn at the door.  The man tried closing the door but Fergus shoved it open, it slammed against the wall.  Fergus stepped into the room, the rest of them following behind him.  The dark haired man sitting at the table quickly rose, blade in hand.  The elf made a high pitched squeal and promptly ran into the wall knocking himself out.  

“Where is he?” Fergus growled at the other man.

“Who are you? Where’s the Hero?” the man asked readying his blade.

Fergus pulled out his sword, advancing on the man who got into a stance ready to attack.  Just before he lunged he let out a yelp and started stomping his foot which had caught on fire.  Fergus took advantage of the momentary distraction to slam the man into the wall.  He held his arm across his throat.

“I’ll ask you one more time before she sets you on fire for real. Where. Is. He?” Fergus snarled.

The man’s eyes moved to a door near the back.  Patterson tied up the hands of the unconscious elf while Geralt moved to the door.  Bethany kept her eyes trained on the man Fergus had pinned to the wall.

“Bethany, figure out which of them has a key on them and come back here!” Geralt called out from the back room.

Patterson produced a key from the elf’s pocket and handed it to her.  Bethany dashed quickly to the back room and froze when she got there.  Geralt took the key from her hand and began to unshackle Nate’s arms from the wall.  He was prone on the ground, his breath shallow.  She leaned down in front of him.  Her hands ran over his face.

“Nate, wake up, love, we’re here.”  He didn’t answer, her hands lit up in response.  She found an injury on the back of his head and healed it.  She stopped as she moved her hands further down to his torso and stopped.  “Geralt, I need you to figure out what those idiots cut him with, and quickly.”

Geralt nodded and walked into the other room returning a minute later with Fergus holding the dark haired abductor.  “What was on your blade?” she glared at him.

“I don’t know wh…” the man stopped and gulped when Bethany produced a ball of flame in her hand.  “It’s Crow Poison.”

“If it was Crow Poison he wouldn’t be barely breathing.” She growled.

“No, no I swear. 4 parts Toxin, 4 parts Deathroot, and then…”

“Oh Maker, that’s Quiet Death. Fergus, we need to get him out of here immediately.” Bethany looked to the Teyrn trying not to panic.

Fergus handed the man he had around the neck, Trev apparently, to Geralt and bent down to carefully pick up Nathaniel.  It was difficult walking through the house with him, his body limp.  Once outside she instructed him to lay Nathaniel on the ground.

Sigrun came running over as soon as she saw Fergus leave the house with the Commander in his arms.

“I need Elfroot and Prophet’s Laurel, as much as you can find.” she instructed them, and both took off immediately to find the herbs.

Bethany ran her hand over Nathaniel’s face.  He looked peaceful, like he was sleeping, only she was terrified he wouldn’t wake up.  She looked up to see Patterson and Geralt exiting with the two idiots that better hope he did, or she’d be having a bonfire.  She looked back at Nathaniel, his head felt hot to the touch, fever.

“Patterson, I need your water pouch.” she said without turning around.  He handed it to her without a word, but the look on his face told her he was just as concerned for her as he was for the Commander.  She tore off the sleeve of her shirt and doused it with water, then started dabbing his face with it.  _ Wake up wake up wake up wake up. _ She yelled to him in her head, visions of Carver and her father tormenting her as she watched her lover lying on the ground slipping away from her.

Sigrun came running up out of breath with a handful of the herbs, Fergus slowly walking behind, his eyes never leaving Nathaniel.  “Thank you,” Bethany said to them both.

She called up a small flame into her hand and roasted the Prophet’s Laurel over it.  After a few minutes she pulled off the leaves and crushed them up in her hand, then spread the pieces over the knife wounds on his chest.She then covered that with the leaves of the Elfroot and pressed them down to be as close as they could.  She ripped another strip off the bottom of her robe and wrapped it around him as a bandage to keep the herbs in place.

She let out a sigh and sat back on the ground, noticing for the first time how close Fergus was to her.  “What do we do know?” he asked her, his eyes still on Nathaniel.

“Give it about twenty minutes, then we can move him.  We’ll need to set up camp early though, so that I can boil more elfroot into a paste.  He’ll need that applied in about five hours.” she said, taking his hand.  She just needed strength, something to keep her from falling apart.  Fergus seemed to recognize this as he pulled her gently into a hug without a word.

Twenty minutes later, Patterson and Geralt helped lift the Commander up onto Fergus’ horse, with Fergus behind him to help keep him from falling over.  The bandits were placed on Patterson’s horse, and then both were tied to the saddle, making escape impossible.  Patterson rode on Nathaniel’s horse, holding onto the reins of the one with the prisoners on it.  They made the slow journey to where they were going to meet Ser Gilmore, stopping only to retrieve Nathaniel’s armor along the way.  It was slow, and the journey took over four hours.

*** 

Bethany pulled the elfroot paste from the fire and set it on a plate to cool.  After ten minutes it was only warm, not hot.  “Help me remove the bandages, carefully so we can use them again,” she said to Fergus.  Once unwrapped she cleaned his wounds with a fresh rag and water.  She then applied the paste and recovered it with the bandage.  “We can’t do anymore tonight but wait and pray it works,” she sighed.   

“You’re not sure this will work?” Fergus asked her sounding confused  “You seemed to know what herbs to use.”

“Quiet Death is a powerful poison.  I don’t know how long ago they cut him with it, but if it was more than twenty-four hours ago, there may not be anything that can be done for him.  Once it reaches the heart, it’s too late.” She said quietly, as if saying the words gave them the power to hurt him.

She stood up, dusted off her hands and walked to a deserted part of the camp.

Her eyes bore holes at the two men now under Ser Gilmore’s watch.  The thought of setting them on fire still was appealing.  Her eyes then landed on Nathaniel.  From here, it just looked like he was sleeping on a bedroll peacefully.  His breathing had improved, but only marginally, and she hoped that was a good sign.

Bethany looked up seeing Fergus sit down beside her and hand her a bowl of stew.  “Eat.  He’ll be pissed at me when he wakes up if he knew I didn’t make sure you were taking care of yourself.”

She gave him a half smile and nodded, eating a little, but not feeling even slightly hungry.

“How do you know so much about poisons?” Fergus asked her, her eyes snapped to him, having been pulled from her train of thought.  “Where’d you learn to do all that?”

“Some from my father, and some from Anders.  They both thought it was important as a healer to be knowledgeable of poisons, because once you know their formulas, it’s a simple matter to work out an antidote most of the time.” she replied. Her eyes threatened to tear as she thought of her father, how weak he’d looked before he passed.

“So,” Fergus said, pausing.  “You know Anders well?”

Bethany shrugged, “I did, but the last time I saw him was at my sister’s years ago, the same day she and I had a big fight.  She and I hadn’t talked after that until recently.  Why?”

“Because all I know of the guy is that he blew up a Chantry, started a war, and now he’s apparently in a relationship with my sister.  I thought her marrying a Crow was insane, but this….” he looked down at his stew.  “I’m not sure I’m not doing the right thing by not marching up to Skyhold and making sure he stays the hell away from her.  I’m worried this time she’s picked someone too dangerous.”

Bethany shook her head, “The Chantry, that was about the atrocities in the Circle, and about the treatment of mages in Kirkwall.  At his heart, Anders is a good man, a real healer.  Probably the best I’ve ever seen.  I wouldn’t worry.” she tried to reassure him.

He grunted, “Would you feel the same way if it was your sister he was carrying on with?”

“He was, and I did.  At least wait until you meet him to make your judgement.” she told him.  He nodded, some of the tension leaving his shoulders as they both kept watch over the Commander.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter has some smut.... you've been warned :D


	21. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's smut down below.....

**** Nathaniel awoke, his head throbbing.  He ran his hand along the back finding a lump.  He groaned and opened his eyes.  The room he was in was small and unfamiliar to him.  He felt a jolt and then rocking and realized he was on a boat.   _ How in the Maker? _  The last thing he remembered was fighting with his father and then storming out and into his room.  How did he get from there to a boat?  Suddenly the bump on his head made more sense.   _ That bastard! _  Did he really think sending him off on a boat would keep him from marrying her?  Did his father truly not think the second they landed he would hop on another boat bound for Ferelden and back to her?

He spotted his pack near the door.  He snatched it, throwing it over his shoulder and figured out his way to the deck to see where they had landed. He soon found the line of soldiers departing the ship and joined the line to leave.

“Ah, Master Howe, you have joined us.  I worried I would need to get help to carry you off the ship.” a man with jet black hair with a thick Antivan accent said to him.

Nathaniel glared at this man he had never seen before, who clearly knew who he was.

“Ah, allow me to introduce myself, I am Antonio of the Antivan Crows.” he made a show of bowing.

“No point in bothering to get to know each other, Antonio. First ship to Ferelden I’m gone.” Nathaniel growled.

Antonio clucked his tongue at him, “That would be a very unwise decision my friend.”

“What is it any of your business?” Nathaniel snarled.

“It is precisely my business,” Antonio answered as they reached the dock.  “Your father has contract with the Crows.  You stay here and mentor under your father’s cousin, and all is well.  You try to return to Ferelden before he calls for you, or try to send communication back to Ferelden, however, I am to eliminate you…”

“You do not threaten me, and it is worth the risk,” he scoffed.

“And after I take care of you, I return to Ferelden to do away with one Arianna Cousland.” Antonio finished.

Nathaniel froze.  It was one thing to risk his life to return, but not hers, he couldn’t.  He collapsed against a crate on the deck, his heart dropped to his stomach.  It was really over, he’d never see her again.  His beautiful Arianna was now out of his reach.  Would she even know what happened to him or would she simply think he had abandoned her? If he had known the last time he saw her would be their last, there was so much he would have said.  So much he would have told her about how she made him feel, how she had given his life purpose...words he’d never get to say.  His mind raced, unwilling to believe this was true, that he would never see her smile again, never hear her laughter.

*** 

He opened his eyes slowly. It was dark, the room lit with candles and he could hear the crackling of the fireplace.  He recognized his room immediately.  His eyes moved around the room and landed upon the one thing he was looking for.  She was sitting on the side of the bed reading a book.  His lips curled into a smile looking at her.  She was beautiful, and kind, and amazingly wonderful, and for reasons he could completely not understand, she loved him.  Not only that, she wanted to spend her life with him.  The thought of that made his heart beat a little faster.  He slowly moved his hand, brushing it along her arm.

Her breath caught at his touch.  Turning her head in his direction, her eyes starting tearing up the minute she saw him watching her.  She dropped her book and dove into his side, her nose burying into his neck,her arms wrapping around him.  “You’re awake,” she said and he could feel her tears start to hit his shoulder.

Nathaniel wrapped his arms around here.  “Hey.” he kissed her head.  “I’m here, my mage. It’s ok.”

Bethany raised her head and kissed him full on the lips.  She sat up brushing away her tears.  Her hand ran along his face as another took his hand and wove her fingers with his.  “I missed you.” she said with a smile.

“You found me,” he smiled up at her.

She nodded, “With Fergus. Oh Nate, I was so scared.  You’ve been asleep so long.”

“How long?” he asked.

“Over two weeks.  Fergus and Del are here, neither would leave until they knew you were ok.” she bent down and kissed him again.  “Thank you.” she said quietly.

“For what?”

“For coming back to me,” she ran her fingers along his cheek again.  “Let me go get them, they’re going to want to see you.”

She started to get up but he held onto her hand fast, pulling her back down next to him.  “Not yet.” he said, “I need to say something to you.”

Bethany nodded and sat back down, her hand running along his arm, her heart full of so much gratitude that he was awake.  _ Finally! _

He reached up and pushed some hair behind her ear.  “When I was abducted, all I could think was that if something happened to me, you’d never know.”

“Never know what?” she asked him, wondering what secrets he still held onto.

“You’d never know just how much you mean to me.”

“Nate, I know you love me…” she started to say.

He shook his head, “But you don’t know how much.  Before you came along I was drifting, taking nothing serious except for being the Commander.  But you came in like a breath of fresh air, and you changed me for the better.  I want to be a better man, because of you, to be worthy of someone as special as you.  There is nothing, no one in this world that means more to me, that affects me more than you do Bethany.” he squeezed her hand.  “If I had died, I’d never get the chance to tell you I thank the Maker every day that you are in my life, that somehow I have your love.”

Tears fell down her face at the words he was saying, she knew he loved her, but hearing him express it so descriptively, her heart swelled.  He tugged at her hand holding his and she bent down capturing his lips with hers, this kiss deeper more demanding than the others.  “I love you too, Nate.  So much more than I can express.  You’re not the only one that thanks the Maker.” she told him.

She squeezed his hand, “Let me go get them.  Then you need some food and rest.”  He nodded and watched her leave their room.

*** 

Bethany awoke feeling him nibbling on her neck.  “You’re supposed to be recuperating,” she giggled.

“I know what will help me feel better,” he licked around her earlobe pressing his hard length into her backside.  His hand pulled her abdomen closer. He then tugged on her, rolling her on her back.  His lips found hers as his hand slid up her shirt finding her breast and massaging it.  Bethany felt a tingle between her legs in response to his touch.  When she opened her mouth into a moan, his tongue slid in caressing hers.  Her nipple hardened under his attention as she lifted her back.  Bethany slid a hand down his bare chest, past the scars left from the attack, along his abdomen.  Her fingertips slid down, loosening the ties of his sleep breeches.  Once open enough she took him in her hand.  He moaned at her touch, his hips gyrating himself into her grip.

Nathaniel leaned back looking at her under him.  She shimmed enough to pull her shirt off, his eyes darkened in response.  He slid off her shorts, running his hands along slowly up her legs, squeezing as he reached her thighs, looking at her bare for him, and so so beautiful.  Shivers ran up her body in response to his touches.  He watched her face as one hand touched her, his finger running along her slit, finding her wet.  His thumb found her clit, pressing circles to it as he pressed one, then two fingers into her.  So wet, so responsive, her head tilted back and Bethany moaned, “Nate.”

His thumb continued slow circles, increasing pressure on her clit.  Her hand on the pillow by her head tightened as her back arched.  “I want to see you fall apart for me,” he said quietly.

Nathaniel added a third finger into her, curling them to run along the soft spot inside of her that made her toes curl.  Her mouth fell open into an o, as her eyes closed. She could feel her clit throbbing, every touch from him shooting straight to her abdomen.  “Maker,” she said as she moaned, her back lifting again as she reached out for his arms.  Nathaniel felt her squeeze on his fingers, her breath speeding up, he leaned down, kissing her as she cried out along his lips.  “Please, Nate.  Fuck me please,” she begged him while tugging on his waistband.  She needed him, wanted to feel him filling her.

He locked eyes with her as he licked off his fingers, she moaned in response.  Nathaniel rolled on his back, removing his breeches.  “Come here,” he said quietly.  

Bethany straddled his waist and bent over to kiss him again.  His fingers threaded through her hair.  As she sat up his hand ran along her thighs and up her sides.  He knew the sight of her above him was something he’d never tire of.  He felt his cock jump at the thought, desperate to be inside of her.  She reached down and stroked him slowly.  Nathaniel moaned, feeling himself throb in response to her touch.  Her touch excited him in a way no one else had in a long time.  A simple caress and his body would respond.  She had no idea how many meetings in his office resulted in him being hard as a rock, thinking of bending her over his desk and taking her.

“Bethany, please, I want to be inside of you so bad,” he groaned.  She gave him a warm grin and raised herself up, lowering herself back down with him pressing inside of her.  His hands went to her hips, she felt so incredible.  

Bethany’s head fell back as she felt him stretch her.  She nearly came just from the feel of him.  She felt so full, so incredibly good.  His hands on her hips tightened and he started lifting her, only to pull her back down on him hard making her abdomen quiver.  She opened her eyes to see his were focused completely on her.  He started moving her up and down, “So fucking beau-ti-ful.” he groaned as she bounced up and down his length.

One of her hands sat along his abdomen, as her other reached between her legs and started to rub her clit.  Nathaniel continued bouncing her up and down, slamming hard into her when she’d come back down.  The familiar tug at her center started again.  He moaned feeling her clamp around him as her second orgasm hit her.  She threw her head back again, both of her hands grabbing her breasts and teasing the nipples to a peak.  He watched her as he continued to move her.  Seeing her come apart above him, because of him.

Once she caught her breath he lifted her off of him.  “Grab the headboard,” he purred into her ear, giving it a playful nip.

She felt him move behind her and place a hand on her hip.  He ran the tip of his cock along her slit and she tried pressing back into him. “So impatient,” he tutted at her.

Before she could respond he slammed back into her.  Her head dropped and she moaned.  Nathaniel had both hands on her hips and began a brutal pace.  She could feel his balls hit her legs every time he pushed into her.  Her grip on the headboard tightened even though she wanted to just collapse onto the bed.  She could feel her third orgasm already starting to tug at her, pulling her, further, pulling.  Her abdomen tightened and she cried out his name, almost too loud.

“Fuck,” he moaned and she felt him pulse inside of her, filling her.  His lips pressed along her shoulder blades as she felt him trying to catch his breath.  He slowly pulled out of her and laid down next to her as she collapsed on the bed. 

Nathaniel pulled her close, both of them covered in sweat and smelling of sex.  Her hands ran along his chest, and she pressed her hand to his scars.  She’d healed him as well as she could, but the poison had done too much damage to fully heal the cuts.  He placed a hand over hers and kissed her forehead knowing she was thinking much what he was.  That they had almost lost each other.  But she was here, in his arms, his smell all over her.  She was his and he’d be damned if he’d let anyone or anything separate them again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers --- I've had a really horrid day where I got some bad news that I had a feeling was coming but hoped I was wrong.
> 
> So do me a favor, drop me a note just to say hi, or tell me a joke, or something you liked in the story or well, really anything to make me smile. Thanks <3


	22. Falling Apart

**** Nathaniel watched her on her horse riding next to him.  She was biting her lip, and her fingers were nervously playing with the reins.  She looked so damned cute, he couldn’t help but grin.

She noticed him watching, “What are you smiling at?”

“You are nervous.  I find it endearing.” he smirked at her.

“It is not endearing,” she shook her head.  “And of course I’m nervous, we’re going to Denerim castle.  Where the King is.”

Nathaniel smirked again,  “But you know the King.  Think of it as just Alistair and Ele’s home.  A rather large home, but just their home.”

She let out a nervous scoff, “It’s so much more than that.  And then the Hero’s going to be there.  I’m going to meet her.  And have dinner with the King, the Princess and the Hero.  What if I make a fool of myself?”

Nathaniel stopped his horse and took her hand when she followed suit.  “First off, Alistair already likes you, and you know Eleanor loves you.  And trust me, Arianna is not someone to be intimidated by.  I think you will find that she’s not at all what you are expecting her to be.  And you forget, your sister is arriving soon as well.”

“With  _ Fenris _ ,” she nibbled her lip again.  “The last time I saw him he wasn’t exactly my biggest fan.  Maybe this was a bad idea, maybe you should just …”  the rest of her sentence was cut off by his lips on hers.  It was a soft kiss and short, but enough to stop her brain from freaking out any further.

“Better?” he asked as he leaned back into his saddle.  She nodded in reply.

“Trust me, she will love you just as I do.  And there will be many friendly faces, Anders and Fergus included.  You have no reason to feel nervous.” he reassured her.  

She nodded, “You’re right.  Ok, onto the castle.  Where I’ll be sleeping.  In Denerim.” she said with a small grin.

*** 

Nathaniel walked Bethany though the halls of the Castle.  “You’ve been here before?” she asked him.

“A few times as the King’s guest.  And several times growing up I was here with my family,” he explained.  They turned a corner and heard a delighted squeal.

“Uncle Nate!  Aunt Bethany!” Eleanor called out starting to run.  A cough behind her drew her attention back to the King who raised an eyebrow.  She moved towards them again, but walking quickly, not running this time.  She locked her arms around Nathaniel’s neck when he bent down to hug her.  She then put her arms around Bethany and squeezed.  “My Mamá’s back.  And with Anders, and we have a cat now.”

Nathaniel chuckled, “That’s a whole lot for one day.  I bet you’re excited.”

The Princess nodded.  Alistair was pulled away by an advisor needing the King’s attention, unable to give the two of them more than a cursory wave before duty called .  “Only I can’t see her now, she’s sleeping.  Anders said she was tired from the long travel, so I’m waiting for her to wake up.  Did you know Fenris is coming in two days?,“ She then whispered, “But we can’t tell Mamá, it’s a surprise.” Eleanor then bounced on her feet, “Oh, and Uncle Fergus will be here in the morning.  It’s going to be very full here.”

Bethany found the girl’s excitement contagious and it helped quell her nerves.  “Your uncle was just showing me around.  Would you care to join the tour?”

Ele nodded, “Except I live here, so I know where everything is.  But we can’t go in Uncle King’s room.  No one’s allowed in there but the maids and me.”

“Oh, ok, no going in the King’s chambers, got it.” Bethany answered in mock seriousness.  Ele took both of their hands and pulled them along, excited to show Bethany the Castle.

***

Midmorning the next day Bethany was looking out over a balcony.  There was a garden in front that seemed larger than anything should could imagine.  It was sprawling with flowers and lined with tall hedges with benches interspersed throughout.  At the center was a tall fountain.  She felt an arm come around her waist as Nathaniel moved to stand beside her.  He leaned down and placed a kiss on her cheek.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, her eyes roaming over the garden.  They were only about seven or eight feet off the ground, but it was enough for her to see much of it.

“Fergus and I used to play hide and seek here when our families would visit King Maric,” he explained.  “Look.” he pointed to an opening in the bushes where she could see Eleanor’s white mabari come bounding out.  A moment later Eleanor followed, skipping along, and turning to talk to someone behind her before running again after her dog.  As they continued to watch Bethany saw Anders walk out of the opening holding hands with a red-haired woman.

Bethany realized that was her, that was the Hero.  She also realized she was much smaller than she expected.  The top of her head barely came up to Anders’ shoulder.  Anders was fairly tall, so Bethany knew that meant the woman wasn’t necessarily short, it was just that in her head she had pictured her as incredibly tall and muscular.  But this woman, she’d easily be mistaken for any other noble woman, average build, her dress flowing.  She and Anders sat down on a bench, their back to where Bethany and Nathaniel were standing.  She watched as the Hero leaned on Anders shoulder, and he put his arm around her waist, and kissed the top of her head.  The Princess ran around in front of them, clearly trying to show off and get their attention at her antics, attention they both seemed to happily give her.

“See, not so scary,” Nathaniel playfully pinched her hip.  She grinned up at him and then looked to the side when she saw Fergus approaching.

“There you two are,” he nodded.

“Is Elissa with you?” Bethany asked him.

He shook his head in response.  “No, she’s feeling out of sorts from the pregnancy.  Didn’t feel up to making the trip this time.  Ahh, that’s where they got off too,” he looked down to see the trio she had been watching just a moment before.  “This is a good time, Nate?  Ari, myself and the King would like to speak with you.  Bethany, would you mind if I steal your sweetheart for a little bit?”

“Not at all,” she nodded with a grin.

“Would you like to come with? Meet her in person?” Nathaniel asked.

Bethany shook her head, she was still feeling too nervous.  “Maybe later.  You go catch up, see what the King wants and maybe later today.”

He observed her for a moment, her nervousness evident to him and he decided not to push it.  Nathaniel kissed her cheek, “I’ll meet you in our room later then.  Don’t get lost in the Castle, and remember, stay out of the King’s Chambers,” he teased.

Bethany stood continuing to watch the scene in the garden.   _ How like a family they look _ , she thought.  After a few moments she could see Fergus and Nathaniel enter and approach the pair.  Bethany saw Anders and the Hero stand and Fergus pull the woman up right off the ground into a bear hug.  It was sweet, seeing brother and sister reunite.  It looked like she was introducing Anders to Fergus, and Bethany couldn’t help but chuckle, seeing Anders fidget a little with his robes, clearly nervous as the Teyrn shook his hand.

They both then turned and Anders shook Nathaniel’s hand, but this time with more confidence, more relaxed.  Nathaniel then reached over and gave the Hero a hug.  When he pulled back, saying something to her, Bethany felt her heart seize.  The look on his face as he watched her saying something to her brother.  It wasn’t the look of a friend, it was way more.  It was a look she knew well, a look he often gave her, it was unmistakable in its meaning.  Love.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.   _ You’re imagining things, he’s just happy to see her again _ , she reassured herself.  Anders said something and the Princess ran over to him and took his hand.  He placed a kiss on the Hero’s cheek and then he and the girl walked off, her dog following them. 

She watched Fergus, Nathaniel and the Hero as they talked again.  Fergus said something that caused her to playfully shove at him as Nathaniel laughed.  Bethany smirked, remembering how Carver used to tease her. 

There was a light breeze blowing, and she saw the Hero’s hair blow into her face.  As Bethany moved her own hair out of her face, she saw Nathaniel reach out and brush the Hero’s hair back behind her ear.  He was still looking at her with that damned look. Her stomach dropped.  She couldn’t watch anymore.  Bethany felt like she was going to be sick.  She turned around and fled back to her room.

***

Bethany paced the bedroom.  Her thoughts were a jumble and she wished desperately that Marian was here now to help her figure out what to do.  So many thoughts were swirling through her head.  One minute she was pissed off enough to hit something, the next she was scolding herself that she was overreacting, that just like with the Princess, she was misreading the situation.

But she had seen the look on his face.  It was really hard to misread that.  She knew that look well, and he had given it to that damned woman.  Bethany threw a pillow from one of the chairs as she passed.  

_ Of course he’s in love with her, why wouldn’t he be?  She’s beautiful, and the Maker damned Hero.  She’s his first love. _ Bethany continued pacing, tears flowing freely as her stomach churned.

_ Maybe I just mistook affection for a dear friend for love. I’m getting all worked up for nothing. _ She tried to convince herself.  Why wasn’t Marian coming until tomorrow? Why couldn’t she be here now when Bethany needed her?

_ Am I just second choice?  Since he can’t have her he settled for me?  How can I possibly compare to her? _  Her stomach clenched again, her heart felt like Fenris had ripped it out.  

The door to the room opened and she looked up to see Nathaniel enter.  “I have news, something we should talk….” he stopped when he saw her face.  “Love, what’s wrong? Are you sick? Is everything ok?”

_ Love?  LOVE!!  Did he call her that so he wouldn’t risk using HER name? _  Bethany glared at him.

“Bethany?” he asked confused.  “Talk to me.”

“I saw you.” she said barely above a whisper.

“What?” he looked like he was trying to piece together what she was saying.  “You saw what?”

“You love her, don’t you?” she said, much louder this time.

“What? Bethany what are you…”, where were these questions coming from, he wondered.  Why was she doubting what he felt for her?

“I’ll make this simple.  Are you in love with Arianna Cousland?” Bethany tried to keep her voice calm as she spoke through gritted teeth.  Her hands balled up into fists, she’d never felt so much anger and hurt and confusion all at once.

“Bethany, it’s complicated…”, he started to explain knowing if she just gave him a moment she’d see that there was no threat.

“No it’s not.  Are you in love with her or not?” she yelled at him, sounding more full of anger than he’d ever heard her before.

He quickly walked to her, placing his hands on her arms, his face distorted as if he was in pain.  He felt like this conversation was slipping away from him quickly and he didn’t know how to stop it from careening out of control. His heart quickened, his palms starting to sweat. “Bethany, I love you.”

“That’s not an answer,” she looked at him, both wanting to push him away and have him hold her and make it all better at the same time.  She felt even more like wanting to puke.  She wanted him to just deny it, to tell her this was all a mistake.  Why wouldn’t he just say it?

“Bethany what happened, did someone say something to you?  I don’t understand why…” Nathaniel felt like he was grasping at sand that was falling through his fingers.

She shoved him away not wanting his lying hands on her another moment.  “I can’t believe I let you fool me.  So many people warned me this was who you were, that you just used people.  I thought you were different. Did you ever mean anything you said to me? Here,” she shoved his ring in his hand, “give this to your precious Arianna instead since that’s who you really want anyway. I refuse to be your second choice.” 

She ran from the room, angry tears that she couldn’t stop from flowing.  She ran past several people talking, embarrassed that they were seeing her in this state. Were they all having a laugh at the stupid naive girl who didn’t know enough to realize she wasn’t good enough?  She thought she heard someone call her name, but she didn’t turn around, in case it was him.  She ran until she found a quiet part of the grounds near a small lake.  Bethany sat on the ground and cried.   _ Marian will be here in the morning.  I can just leave with her and Fenris, I just need to wait here until she arrives _ .   _ Maker, did I do the right thing?  What if I made a stupid mistake again?  No, no he didn’t deny it, he loves her.  How can I marry him knowing it’s someone else he wants? _

Back in the room Nathaniel fell hard onto the chair in shock, his legs suddenly feeling too weak to support him.  He stared at the door, trying without any luck to piece together what had just happened.  He looked at the ring in his hand.  She’d returned it.  But that couldn’t be. They were getting married in a month, how could she return it?  His gut felt like stone, his head spinning.  What had happened since he had left her on the balcony? He had come in here with news about their future, and only minutes later there wasn’t one.

He felt shaky, as if the ground under him was no longer steady.  This felt like a nightmare.  For the second time in his life he was left with his entire world in rubble around him without having any warning ahead of time.  Once again he’d lost the most important thing in the world to him without any control over it, just Bam! Gone!  It had all slipped through his fingers so quickly, and he’d been powerless to stop it.

This couldn’t be it, this...he could fix this.  It didn’t matter what, he just needed to figure out how to prove to her that she was what he wanted, that she was his everything.  He’d told her that before. How many times had he told her? Clearly it wasn’t enough. How could she possibly think he was using her? How could she not know she was the moon in his sky?

_ Please, please I can’t lose her _ , Nathaniel prayed to the Maker, clutching the ring tight in his fists as his head leaned along them.  His heart was shattered before him, the tears were doing little to soothe the hurt he felt all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A certain healer shows up in the next chapter to do what he does best - heal.


	23. The Healer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I head canon that Anders not only gets it just because he's observant, but he and Ari talk to each other A LOT, so he knows what's going on in her head. That's why here, he's able to explain so much.

**** Bethany sat with her head resting against her knees, looking out into the water. Her tears were slowing but she still gulped for air in between sobs. The tight gripping feeling in her chest and gut hadn’t lessened any. She could hear someone quietly approaching.  _ Go away, Nate. I don’t want to see you. _

“Leave me alone, Nate.” she sighed dejectedly without even looking up. She turned her head and hid her face in her knees.

“It’s not him. I just...I saw you run by. I wanted to see what’s wrong.” she looked up to see Anders kneeling by her. “Hey,” he said softly when his eyes met hers.

What she had needed more than anything at that moment was to see a friendly face. She moved so quickly that he was almost knocked over as she threw herself into his arms and started crying again. Anders sat down and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry, and said nothing as he held her.

When she finally stopped and pulled back to sit beside him he handed her a handkerchief. “Do you want to talk about what’s wrong?”

She wiped at her eyes. “Oh Anders, I got your robes all wet, I’m sorry.” She picked at them with her fingertips.

Anders shook his head and smiled. “It’s fine. Ari’s cried into my robes and damaged more than I can count, what’s one more?” he teased.

“Ari,” Bethany grumbled trying to cover her mouth with the handkerchief.

“Hey, what’s that? Why don’t you like her? You haven’t even met yet.” he asked sounding concerned, not annoyed.

“Nate loves her.” she nearly sobbed, her heart hurting all the more now that she’d said the words out loud.

Anders nodded, “And she him, but why does that have you so upset?”

“No, I mean he’s  _ in love _ with her.” she tried to explain as he’d clearly missed the nuance.

“Yes, I understood that. But you are who he wants to marry. Is this why you’re out here crying?” his hand touched her shoulder trying to comfort her.

“You know? How are you ok with that? Why doesn’t it upset you that she loves someone else?” Bethany asked.

Anders looked at her as if trying to figure something out. “Ok, hopefully you’re still like I remember and not like your sister, so I won’t get hit for asking this. Have you had any serious relationships before Nathaniel?”

Bethany watched his face for a moment and determined he wanted to help, not to make fun of her like Carver might have. She shook her head.

He smiled in understanding. “Sweetheart, at our age most anyone we fall in love with is going to have a past. And sometimes it’s messy. In the case of those two, it’s really messy. I assume you know everything that happened during the Blight, and with his father?” 

She nodded. “He told me everything.”

Anders gave her a sorrowful smile. Thinking about what had happened to Ari back then hurt his heart dearly. “Well then, you know their relationship didn’t have normal closure. It just ended abruptly, and not by the choosing of either of them. They’ve known each other their whole lives, they were like family, pretty much destined to be. Love like that doesn’t just stop because a madman inserts himself into the middle of it. She is always and forever more going to carry a part of him in her heart. My guess is it will be similar for Nathaniel. It’s much the same with her late husband, he’s always going to be there in her heart. She’s never going to not miss Zevran, not wish he was still alive. She will continue to mourn him probably to some small degree for the rest of her life. I just hope I’m able to bring her enough comfort that there’s more joy than sorrow in her life.”

“And that doesn’t bother you, about them?” she asked him.

“No. If anything it shows me how devoted she is to someone when she loves them. It reassures me that she feels that strongly for me. Her heart was full with those two for a long time. But she made room for me. Falling in love with me wasn’t something that  _ just happened _ . She made a conscious effort to make room in her life and in her heart for me. She  _ wanted _ me there. That means more to me than if it had just been an accident of fate.” he explained. Anders turned to look at her better. “Let me put it this way. When he found out Ari was in Skyhold, did he come running to see her?”

Bethany shook her head.

“Right. Instead he deepened his commitment to you. He made a point by proposing, of telling you that  _ you _ are what he wants. Nearly every letter he wrote her in Skyhold contained something about you, even before we knew it was Bethany Hawke he was talking about. You’re so much a part of his life that he couldn’t even write a simple letter to say ‘The troops are safe’ without talking about you.” Anders tried to reassure her.

Bethany fretted with her hands, what he was saying made sense but she was still unsure. “But not all of it’s in the distant past. When she was missing, she found him and they were... together. And he has a three year old mabari, it’s from her.” 

Anders chuckled.

“Why are you laughing?” Bethany raised an eyebrow, confusion on her face.

“Because she gave him a dog. She’s given me two cats. Apparently that’s her thing. ‘Hello, I’m the Hero of Ferelden. Have a pet.’” he laughed again at himself. “And for what happened then, she was hurting. She’d lost her husband, she was separated from Eleanor. It doesn’t surprise me that she’d search out a familiar face for comfort. I promise you, Sweetheart, she’s not a threat to your relationship unless you make her one.”

She sighed, looking out to the water.

“I’ll tell you a secret, but you can’t let anyone know I told you or Ari will kill me.” he smiled warmly at her trying to set her mind at ease.

“I promise,” Bethany said.

“She’s scared of meeting you. She’s terrified you won’t like her.” Anders said quietly.

“Of me?” Bethany asked. The Hero who had faced down hordes of Darkspawn and an Archdemon, was scared of her?

Anders nodded.

“Why?” how could she possibly be afraid of her.

“Because of how important you are to Nathaniel. She wants you to like her because he loves you, so that makes your opinion very important to her. She wants to be friends with you but she’s worried you’ll think she’s a horrible mother for having left her daughter for so long, or maybe you want her to be like the legends and she’s going to be a huge disappointment to you. She’s been fretting about meeting you for a week now, thinking of all the ways you’ll not like her,” he told her. “Now remember, I never told you any of this. I love her, but she’s scary when she’s mad.” He winked at Bethany.

She gave him a small smile and looked at her hands. The left one looked so wrong without the ring on it. Bethany leaned on Anders’ shoulder. “Anders, I think I made a mess of all of this. I called off the wedding. He’s never going to forgive me.” she started to cry again.

Anders pulled her chin up to look at her. “Go talk to him. I am willing to bet he isn’t angry. In fact I am fairly certain he will be happy to see you. I know he had a talk with her, Fergus and the King earlier, assuming you two can work this out I know he has news he wants to share with you.”

“You know he prefers to be called just Alistair,” she smiled at him.

“Yes, and he scares the heck out of me. I feel like he’s waiting for me to make a wrong move so he can kick my ass. I think I’ll err on the side of caution for right now.” Anders winked at her. He stood up and then helped her stand. “Go, talk to him. If I’m wrong you can say  _ I told you so. _ ”

She nodded.

“Have you told him about your accident?” he watched her with soft eyes.

She shook her head. “Being a Warden, I figured it didn’t matter.”

“He should know anyway. You need to tell him. It’ll be ok, he loves you,” Anders took her hand and squeezed it.

Bethany gave him a hug which he returned. “I missed you, Anders. I’m glad you found me.”

“Missed you too. Now go.” he gently pushed her towards the castle.

*** 

Bethany took a deep breath and looked at the door that suddenly felt so intimidating. She closed her eyes and thought about what Anders had told her. She took another breath and opened the door, stepped through and quietly closed it behind her.

He was still there. It had been nearly two hours since she had left and she was terrified that she’d find the room empty. But he was there, his head in his hands. He looked up and she felt immediately guilty for all the cruel words she had said to him. 

His eyes were puffy, he’d clearly been crying. She had hurt him. She was so angry before and had said anything she could think of at the time to make him hurt just as much as she did. But now, seeing the results of her hurtful words clawed at her gut.

He blinked for a moment just looking at her, she was here. This was his chance, he just had to show her, for her to know how much he needed her. He rose from the chair quickly and rushed to stand in front of her. His heart was pounding. She wasn’t moving away from him, in fact her eyes were locked on his, these were potentially good signs.  _ Please let these be good signs _ .

“Bethany,” he said softly, as if afraid to scare her off again. “Please, tell me how to fix this. Anything. We can leave here and never come back if you want. I’ll marry you today if that’s what you need. Just say the word, anything you want, please.” His eyes searched hers, begging for her to just give him a chance. He was so scared, more than he’d ever been about anything in his life before.

“Nate, I’m sorry…” she said softly. His heart clenched. No. No no no no no. Tears started again.

“Bethany, please, please,” he begged, his voice cracking. His eyes searched hers, desperate to find that connection with her again.  _ Just one chance, please don’t say goodbye. _

She realized he was misunderstanding her intention, she racked her brain trying to figure out how to fix this, how to make him understand. He looked so broken, in so much in pain. She reached her hand up and pulled his face down and pressed a kiss to his lips. He didn’t do anything at first, and then it seemed he caught on. His arms wrapped around her holding her close, he returned the kiss, relief running through him. His lips pressed hers, she could still feel his tears hitting her cheeks. She pulled her head back, her hand still on his cheek. She looked in his eyes, saw all the love he was carrying for her there.

“Nate, I am bad at all this relationship stuff. I don’t know how this is supposed to go. Can we just skip it all? Can we just skip to where everything is ok again like it was this morning? Can we just not be fighting anymore and you love me again instead of me having made a mess of it?” she watched him, frightened of what he might say. 

He nodded and moved his lips to hers, kissing her again. One of his hands held the back of her head holding her close while the one around her waist tightened. She ran her fingers through his hair and felt such relief that he was kissing her back. She hadn’t ruined it all, he was kissing her, holding her tight as if afraid she’d slip away.

This time he pulled back just a little bit, but his arms remained around her. Letting her go, he took her left hand. “Will you wear this again?” he asked, his eyes searching her face for an answer.

Bethany nodded, “I should never have taken it off, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” she said quietly as her right hand touched his jaw. 

He placed the ring back on her finger and then brought her hand to his lips, placing a kiss to the back of it. He dropped her hand and took her face gently in his hands and bent down for another kiss. “Bethany, I love you. More than anything or anyone. No one is above you to me, not Arianna, not anyone. Please believe me, you’re not my second choice, you’re the only one, you’re all I want. I need you to know that.”

She nodded and pulled him close again. “I’m so sorry. For everything. I love you too.” 

The smile on his face at her declaration was so huge. He dipped down slightly and picked her up, bridal style. “I’m not so sure,” he said against her lips. “I think you need me to show you just how much you mean.”


	24. A Future

**** Nathaniel held his arms around her back as she laid on top of him. He could feel her skin touching his, her naked breasts on his chest. One arm remained on the small of her back as the other ran up and down her in a soothing pattern, occasionally brushing through the ends of her hair. She turned her head and looked up at him as she pushed some hair behind her ear. He smiled softly at her, feeling elated that she was here, in his arms, in his bed. Back.

She slid up him slightly and gave his lips a soft kiss.

“I love you,” he told her as he watched her. His expression soft, adoring. He had told her that so often in the last thirty minutes, but he was going to continue, until there wasn’t any room for doubt anymore in her heart.

“I know,” she answered him. “I’m sorry I forgot that.” 

He brushed his hand along her cheek. “Anytime you need a reminder just ask me. I’ll happily tell you again.”

She let out a contented sigh and leaned her head on his shoulder. Moving off of him and onto the bed, still pressed against him, her thigh rested in between his as she traced patterns on his chest. His one arm still wrapped around her. If he had his way, she’d never leave his arms again.

“Anders said you had something to talk with me about. Some news?” she looked up at his face. He was so at peace, so happy. It filled her with warmth seeing how relaxed he was in this moment.

He grinned and leaned on his side to look at her. He leaned on an elbow as he traced his hand softly along her arm. “I do. Alistair wants to reinstate an Arl near Amaranthine. He and Fergus want that to be me, with you as the Arlessa once we marry, of course.”

She looked at him slightly confused. “But we’re Wardens. I know there was an exception made to put Alistair on the throne, but can we do that?”

“That’s the other piece of news. I told you before they worked out a cure to the taint?” Bethany nodded as Nathaniel reached over to push that troublesome tuft of hair back behind her ear again. “Arianna’s still working out the details with the First Warden, but the thought is after twenty years, a Warden can have the cure if they choose, and freely leave service. Arianna and Alistair want to give that to us now, as a wedding gift.” He watched her face to try to gauge her reaction. Had the offer come from anyone else, he’d expect she’d be excited, but given that it was from Ari, he was uncertain if she’d accept it or not.

She took in a deep breath, trying to comprehend everything he had just told her. An Arling, a cure for the taint. A chance at a normal life. Wait, she’d be a noble, so not quite normal, but it was… her mind drifted back to what Anders had talked with her about before and nervousness settled in her stomach again. She sat up suddenly, grabbing a pillow and holding it close. 

Nathaniel bit his lip, she looked worried. Maybe this wasn’t what she wanted.  _ Maker, please don’t let this go south again so quickly. _

“If you’re going to be Arl, that means you’d be expected to have an heir, doesn’t it?” she worried her lip.

He sat up and touched her face. “Bethany, what’s wrong? Please, don’t pull away again. Just tell me, whatever it is we can face it together.” she could see the worry in his eyes. Given how badly everything had gone that afternoon she couldn’t blame him.

She took a deep breath, “There was an accident years ago in Kirkwall, from a fight.” She looked at her hands and started telling her story.

*** 

_ Fenris burst in through the door of the clinic, causing it to crash against the wall. Anders turned around ready to growl at him for it when he stopped, seeing the elf carrying an unconscious Bethany in his arms, her robes were red with blood, a lot of blood. Hawke came running in a second later.  _

_ “Anders, please, you have to help her,” she cried, her breath short indicating she had run here. _

_ He motioned to a cot and Fenris gently laid Bethany on it before stepping back.  _

_ “What happened?” Anders asked as he started to peel off her robes to get a better look at the injury. _

_ “We were attacked on the way back from the Bone Pit. It was an ambush and she was hit with a sword.” Fenris answered for Hawke who had her face buried in his side crying. The elf had his arm around Hawke, his eyes were on Bethany, not Anders. Anders had never seen the elf show any outward signs of affection before. To see him trying to comfort Hawke, while showing concern over Bethany, a mage no less, made Anders realize this injury must be grave. _

_ Anders winced looking at the large gash through her front. He called upon his mana and started healing, trying to ignore the loud sobs coming from Hawke. He focused instead on Bethany, on trying to repair the damage. Several times he had to stop, to replenish his mana and drink some lyrium. _

_ The damage was so extensive, the blade had cut deep. Even just another ten minutes delay in getting her here she probably would have been gone. She had lost a lot of blood. He’d have to give her some potions once he was able to stop the damage, keep her from going further into shock. _

_ After nearly two hours he was wrapping a bandage on her wounds, the internal damage was taken care of, but he would need to wait until morning to heal the remaining injuries. _

_ Hawke looked at him when he stood up and moved away from Bethany’s cot. “She’ll live,” he told her and could hear Hawke let out a relieved sigh. “She needs to stay here so I can watch her tonight. But come back first thing in the morning and she should be awake.” _

_ “Anders, I want to stay.” Hawke insisted. _

_ “She’s going to be ok,” he touched her hand. “Just come back in the morning, she needs her rest, as do I.” _

_ He noticed now that Hawke was covered in blood. “Hawke, let me check…” _

_ “It’s not mine. It’s the bandits. And hers,” she choked back a sob at those last words. _

_ “Fenris, can you see that she gets home?” Anders asked him, expecting a fight about not taking orders. Fenris, however, only nodded, seeming to understand the severity of the issue. As he led Hawke towards the clinic door Anders spoke again. “I promise I will watch her closely. I’ll see you in the morning.” _

_ Hawke nodded and left, giving Bethany one final look as she passed through the door. Fenris followed behind wishing he had the words to comfort her in that moment. _

_ Bethany woke the next morning and looked around, realizing quickly she was in Anders’ clinic. She sat up and groaned, her side hurt horribly.  _

_ “Bethany,” Hawke called out and a moment later was in front of her giving her a hug. “Maker, no more scaring me like that.” _

_ Bethany chuckled and nodded. Anders came out from his back room hearing Hawke say her name. _

_ “How’s the patient?” he asked her looking at the wounds he had healed while she slept. _

_ “Sore,” she answered. “What happened?” _

_ “We were ambushed,” Hawke explained. “You were hit with a rather large sword through the gut.” _

_ “Maker,” Bethany said in a whisper. She looked at Anders sitting in a stool beside her. “I guess I can thank you then.” _

_ He nodded and took her hand, “Bethany, I have to tell you something. I asked Hawke here for you, but if you’d rather keep this private she can leave.” He gave Hawke a look cutting her off before she could argue. _

_ Bethany looked at her sister and took her hand. Marian always took care of everything. Whatever it was, Marian would make it alright. “I want her here, what is it?” _

_ “There was a lot of damage. The sword cut pretty deep. Many of your organs had started to shut down by the time Hawke and Fenris got you here. I was able to repair it all. But,” he paused. This was the part of being a healer he hated. The part where you had to give someone news that affected the rest of their lives. The part where they usually blamed the healer. “I did what I could, but the damage to your uterus was too extensive. I couldn’t repair it. I tried but it started bleeding again last night and I couldn’t stop it. I’m sorry Bethany, I had to remove it last night or you would have bled out. I wouldn’t have made a decision like this without your knowledge if it wasn’t necessary to save you.” _

_ Bethany felt like she’d been hit by a brick wall. She hadn’t wanted children for fear they’d be a mage like her and the Templars would take them away. But now that it wasn’t even an option anymore she felt, well, a lot of things. Hurt, anger, and a flurry of other emotions she couldn’t name. She looked at Marian who pulled her closer, wrapping her arms around her and letting her cry. _

_ When she looked up a few minutes later she noticed the look of sorrow on Anders’ face. Bethany tugged on his hand and pulled him close enough for her to hug as well. “Thank you for saving me.” _

_ He let out a sigh and wrapped his arms around her. _

***

When she finished, she looked up trying to see how upset he was that she had kept this from him. “If you need an heir I can’t give one to you. I’m sorry. I didn’t tell you before because it didn’t matter, Wardens typically can’t have children. But now, if… I can’t.” she couldn’t even finish her thought so worried this would be too much for him.

He took her hand and kissed her fingertips waiting for her to look at him. When she wouldn’t, he tilted her chin up and spoke. “Bethany, it’s ok, this doesn’t change anything.”

“But, but you need an heir.” she shook her head.

“Then I’ll name Alex as it. I promise you I’m fine with this as long as you are.” he squeezed her hand.

“I… I thought you’d be more upset. Don’t you want children?” she asked.

“No.” he replied matter of factly. “Maybe when I was younger I did, but now… I really don’t. Don’t get me wrong, I love Alex and Eleanor to pieces, but I don’t picture myself as someone’s father. I have no idea how Del and Albert do it. If you want them I would love them, I would be the best father possible, but no, it’s not a dream of mine. You are.”

Bethany let out a sigh of relief. “I am really very happy just being Aunt Bethany. So, we’re really going to do this?”

“As long as you say this is what you want, then yes. If not, we remain with the Wardens.” he touched her arm, his hand moving up and down it again.

She nodded. A life outside the Wardens, a  _ real _ life with Nathaniel was more than she had dreamed. It sounded perfect to her. Bethany put the pillow down and slid back into his arms.

“Where would we live?” she wondered how it would work with the Wardens being in Vigil’s Keep and them living there too.

“For the short term, we’ll remain at the Keep, but once I tell Alistair we accept, he and Fergus will send supplies and workers to build what we’d need to run the Arldom from Thomas’ house. We can live there, but first a wall needs to be built, and residence for soldiers for safety. So a year perhaps at Vigil’s.” He explained.

She smiled, a real home with him, a real life. She couldn’t stop the smile from growing.

Nathaniel rolled them so that he was now leaning over her. He took her hand with the ring and kissed it, then kissed that finger. “I want you to know, this is more than just my mother’s ring.”

“Oh, is it magical, give me certain protections?” she teased.

Nathaniel brushed the hair back from her face and looked at her with so much love it nearly stunned her. He nodded. “It does. This ring, it’s a promise made only to you. It is a promise that I will always put you first. That I will protect you from any harm, that I will stand by your side through anything. It’s a promise that I will always strive to make you proud of me.”

Bethany reached up with her free hand and touched his cheek, pulling him down for a kiss. His lips were soft, the kiss slow, not full of passion this time, just affection.

When he pulled away from the kiss he kissed her hand again. “This is a promise that I love you above all others. A promise that I will always be true. It’s a vow that I will love you until my last day. No one and nothing will ever change that, Bethany. I know my relationship with Arianna is ...unconventional, but it’s you that I want. She can’t hold a candle to you. Please, never doubt how I feel about you, how much you mean.”

Bethany could feel the tears forming behind her eyes. When her fingers ran through his hair, he closed his eyes, his head falling to rest on her shoulder. “I love you.” she whispered to him.

He tilted his head and pressed soft kisses to her neck. “I love you too.”

*** 

“Do you want to meet her or would you rather not see her at all this trip?” Nathaniel asked Bethany as they walked back from the kitchens, hand in hand. They’d finally left the room and had some dinner. Aidan trailed behind them as they walked.

“I want to meet her. I know she’s important to you, so I should at least give her a chance.” She squeezed his hand.

Nathaniel nodded and pulled her hand up to his lips, placing a kiss there. “Ok, let’s see if we can find her. Eleanor should be in bed by now, so she’s probably around, either with Fergus or Alistair.”

They walked around the residence wing and after a while heard two voices talking. As they got closer, Bethany could make out Alistair’s voice clearly. They could see the light from the fire dancing on the wall of the library, the shadow made by two chairs would occasionally sprout an arm from whoever was sitting in them. Nathaniel leaned along the wall in the hallway outside of the library and pulled Bethany close to him. He pressed a kiss to her lips as if to reassure her once more.

They walked into the library and paused. The chair backs were to the two of them, but Bethany could see the King leaning over the arm of his chair, a glass of something in his hand, and his face turned to talk to the person beside him. Alistair’s face looked not only happy, but so relaxed. Bethany had never even realized how much tension had been in the King’s face until this moment, seeing it gone. She wondered if that was a result of having the Hero back. The butterflies started up in Bethany’s gut again. If this woman could change the King that much simply by being back in Denerim, well no matter what Nathaniel had told her, she didn’t see how she could compare to  _ that _ .

“And then I punched her in the face, and slammed his dagger into her heart. Maker, it was so gratifying,” they heard Ari say, hands flying around. “I only wish I had thought to have the Inquisition’s necromancer bring her back so I could do it a second time.”

“I wish I’d been there to see it.” Alistair sounded excited. “I’m just glad it’s finally done.”

“I’d be happy to reenact it. Where’s Isolde?” Ari asked with a chuckle.

Alistair let out a large laugh. “Probably hiding, if she’s heard you’re around.”

Aidan went trotting over to the two of them before Nathaniel could stop him, although he had floundered his arms to try.

“Well hello,” Ari cooed and leaned out of the chair to pet the mabari. “Aren’t you a pretty boy. Who are you?”

“I believe that’s Aidan,” Alistair motioned with his glass.

Her hand froze on the dog’s head. “Nathaniel Howe,” she sounded annoyed. “You did not seriously name the dog I gave you, Aidan, did you?”

Nathaniel quickly shifted to stand behind Bethany, “Hi, Ri.” Bethany was surprised to hear fear in the voice of the same man that commanded all of the Wardens at the Keep. “You’ll protect me right?” he whispered in Bethany’s ear and she chuckled.

Ari stood from her chair and turned around ready to tell him just how immature he was, but paused when she saw who he was with. “Oh,” she sounded surprised. “Are you? You’re her, Bethany?” she asked, her scowl turning into a nervous smile. Bethany nodded. “You’re just like Eleanor described you, tall, pretty, and you smell better than Oghren.”

Bethany laughed and tried to step forward, but Nathaniel still had a hold on her arms.

“Oh let her go, Nate. I can reach around her to smack you anyway,” she laughed at him. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’ve heard so much about you from your sister and Anders. I’m Arianna Cousland, but call me Ari.” she reached her hand out to shake it. Despite what Anders had said, Bethany found it amazing that the Hero of Ferelden looked incredibly nervous right now.

Bethany took her hand. “Hi. I’m glad Ele thinks I smell better than Oghren.”

“Well don’t let it go to your head, it’s hard not to smell better than that dwarf,” Alistair added with a smirk.

Fergus entered at that moment. “I came to walk you back to your room, Pup.” he nodded a hello to Nate and Bethany. “Anders wanted me to remind you that you needed to rest.”

Ari nodded. She leaned over and said quietly to Bethany. “The trouble with being involved with a healer, he frets over your health constantly.” She pulled back and spoke a little louder, “Will I see you for breakfast where we can actually talk without them all hovering?”

“I’d like that,” Bethany smiled, feeling the anxiety from before leaving her. Somehow seeing how small the Hero actually was, especially when standing between Alistair and Fergus made her seem less intimidating. She watched the two men fuss over her and could see her trying to not get annoyed at it. Nathaniel apparently decided it was safe as he stepped around to stand beside her. 

Ari walked with her hand on her brother’s arm, and stopped as they started to pass them. She smacked Nathaniel on the arm and then turned and hit Fergus.

“Ow,” they both said in unison, rubbing their arms.

“What was that for?” Fergus asked.

“That’s for naming the dog Aidan,” she said to Nathaniel. She then looked at Fergus, “And that was for not telling me Nate was kidnapped. Oh don’t look so surprised, I’m smarter than either of you. You two have never been able to keep a secret from me.”

“Sorry,” the both said in unison again and Bethany had to hold back another laugh seeing the three of them together. Despite her small stature, it was clear who was in charge of the trio. Fergus walked Ari out as Alistair walked around the chair to Bethany and Nathaniel.

“Bethany, if it’s quite alright, I could use Nate for a while?” Alistair asked.

“What’s going on?” Nathaniel asked.

“Fergus and I are going to be playing cards, which is just an excuse for grilling Anders and watching him squirm. I thought you’d like to join us, either on his side or ours,” Alistair explained looking quite serious.

“Go, I know the way back. Aidan and I will wait for you.” She smiled and then turned to Alistair “But don’t be too hard on him, Anders is a good man.”

“We’ll see,” Alistair replied with a smirk, indicating with his hand for Nathaniel to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fight Ari is telling Alistair about happened in "Finding Life Again" (it's a Cousland/Anders story):  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/4125604 (Chapter 49)


	25. Grilling the Healer

**** Anders and Fergus entered Alistair’s private study, the King and Nathaniel were already in the room. The moment they entered, Anders felt nervous upon seeing the King giving him a look he just couldn’t read. It was the same look the King would give him whenever Ari wasn’t looking.  It was a look that seemed to convey distrust, and that the mage would have a long road ahead of him to prove to the monarch that he would love and care for his sister as she deserved. Anders was well aware he was going to have to prove himself to these men before he could discuss his plans with them. He just hoped Nathaniel was in his corner tonight.

Anders approached the bar where Nathaniel was pouring a drink. The Commander handed one to Anders and poured one for himself. Anders looked across the room and could see Fergus and Alistair engaged in their own conversation.

“Is everything ok now with Bethany?” he asked Nathaniel quietly.

There was no mistaking the answer from the grin on Nathaniel’s face. “Much. I understand I have you to thank for that. Whatever you said to her, thank you.”

Anders nodded. “Just love her, she’s one of the sweetest people I know, so don’t make me out to be a liar and break her heart.”

Nathaniel shook his head, “I won’t I promise. It wasn’t until yesterday that I had to even think about my relationship with Arianna. I never had someone else’s feelings to consider in the matter before. But I know who I want, what I want, that’s Bethany.”

Anders nodded. “That’s good to hear. Ari was worried she’d already caused you two to break up, she wants Bethany to like her and she was beside herself thinking the chances of that were ruined before they have even met.” Anders smirked at Nathaniel. “Plus now I don’t have to kick your ass for trying to flirt with my woman.”

“You told her?” Nathaniel sounded surprised.

“We don’t keep secrets from each other, never have. Well, with the exception of one tiny little spirit.” Anders answered softly, not wanting the others to hear.

Nathaniel nodded, but dreaded the lecture he was sure was going to come from Ari now. “Just know the same rule applies, don’t break her heart.”

“Never. So, how much trouble am I in tonight?” He tilted his head toward the other two men.

Nathaniel chuckled into his glass. “Just remember they don’t care how funny or charming you are. They just want to know you’re a good man, and that your intentions towards their sister are good. Convince them of that and you’ll be fine.”

Anders slammed down the rest of his drink. “Right, and how do I convince them, because I’ll be honest, either one looks like they could snap me like a twig.”

Nathaniel let out another chuckle and put a comforting hand on Anders shoulder. “You’ll be fine, I’ll back you up if need be, I owe you.” He then walked over to the table and picked up the deck there. “Gentlemen, we ready to play cards?”

They sat at the table, the King and the Teyrn on one side, Anders and Nathaniel on the other. Anders had the distinct feeling this was more than just the friendly game of cards Fergus had claimed it to be. Anders looked at his cards in his hand and tried to ignore the eyes he could feel on him from across the table. He was uncomfortably aware that sitting across from him were the two most powerful men in Ferelden, and that his future, not only with Ari, but in Ferelden was quite literally in their hands.

“So, Anders,” Alistair spoke without looking up from his cards, “what are your plans now that you are in Denerim?”

“I thought to start a clinic like I had in Kirkwall.” Anders explained.

“Wasn’t your clinic in Darktown? Where, if the stories are correct, you tended to the poor and had barely two silver to your name? While admirable, that will hardly provide for a family. You do realize you will need to care for Eleanor, do you not?” Alistair said discarding a card and not even looking up.

“Of course I realize that,” Anders said feeling a bit ruffled. “She is Ari’s daughter. And as for the clinic, she and I had discussed that, she felt…”

“She felt you can just live off her inheritance, is that correct? Is that it? Is my sister a meal ticket for you?” Fergus looked directly at him this time.

“Now see….” Anders started to raise his voice but Nathaniel nudged him with his knee.  When Anders looked over at him, Nathaniel shook his head. Anders closed his mouth in response.

Nathaniel spoke up “Fergus, surely you’d agree caring for those most in need is a worthy calling, and there are many in Denerim in need, even with all the good Alistair has done.” Alistair nodded in acknowledgement. “And you know your sister well enough to know she would relish the chance to help others. She is probably all too happy to help Anders in his endeavor.”

Anders took a deep breath and felt grateful Nathaniel was there. When Anders looked back at his cards, Fergus mouthed “Traitor” to Nathaniel with a friendly grin on his face. Nathaniel tried not to chuckle in response. 

“Anders, I’m sure you can appreciate things from our perspective.” Fergus said as Alistair considered his hand. “While Bethany and Nate may have given assurances to us about your character, Alistair and I are still rightfully concerned. Arianna’s taste in men has not always been the safest, and when it was just her, it was one thing to stand back and let her make her own decisions.  But now there is Eleanor to consider. All either of us really know of you is that you were a philanderer in the Wardens and you started a war in Kirkwall. I’m sure you can understand how those would not make us feel at ease about you being involved with our sister.”

Anders wasn’t a stupid man, he’d been prepared for them to question him on his past, he just wasn’t sure what to say that would sway them. He knew these two were the most important men in her life, and that having their approval would mean a lot to Ari. And he wanted them to like him. He loved her more than he could even put to words, and the thought that these two sitting across from him had the power to tear it all away from him set his heart pounding. He felt as if his life, his future, were really in their hands. One word from Fergus, as the head ot the Couslands, and his relationship with Arianna would be over. The King only needed to snap his fingers and Anders would be banished from Ferelden and her forever. To say he was nervous about the prospect of that outcome, no matter how unlikely, barely touched the surface. He was terrified. 

“I was a different man ten years ago. I was finally out of the Circle for good, thanks to the Wardens. All that freedom went to my head, and I was making up for lost time, I suppose.” He shifted in his seat, nervous as the King and Teyrn watched him. “As for Kirkwall, well, there were extenuating circumstances. I’m not sure I deserve to be forgiven for that, even if she does.” He decided against bringing Justice into the discussion, thinking that would make things worse, not better.

“Yes, Bethany told me of the conditions in Kirkwall for mages. But what about when the next thing comes up that you decide is unjust? What’s going to keep you from taking action and dragging our sister in the middle of it? What’s to keep her from getting hurt, or worse? “ Fergus watched him with a steely gaze, seemingly unimpressed.

“As I said, Kirkwall was an extreme, and I am no longer that same man. I love Ari. For longer than a good man would admit to, but it’s true just the same. I don’t want anything more in my life than to keep her safe and make her happy.” Anders hoped the message was getting through.

Fergus’ lips made a tight line, but he said nothing. Anders fidgeted again, unsure if the Teyrn was considering what he said, or was angry that Anders had basically just admitted to being in love with her when she was married. Fergus went back to looking at his cards. The game continued a few more rounds before anyone spoke again. 

“So, Nathaniel, how are the wedding plans coming?” Alistair asked him as a new hand started.

“Good, I suppose. I was informed by a certain ten year old that I was not permitted to be part of them.” Nathaniel smirked as he traded a card.

Alistair chuckled, “She gets the bossiness from her mother. Ele won’t stop talking about the wedding, she’s probably more excited about it then you or Bethany to be honest. She even has a special dress for the day, apparently.”

Anders watched how the King’s eyes lit up as he talked about the girl. It was clear there was a lot of affection for her, and Anders wondered if Alistair’s hesitation to accept him had less to do with Ari and more to do with Eleanor. He decided to make more of an effort to demonstrate to Alistair that he could be trusted to care for the child.

“She seems eager to meet her new cousin, from what Bethany tells me.” Nathaniel tossed in a silver and looked at Fergus.

“As am I.” Fergus grinned.

The hand continued as the conversation turned to discussion of the upcoming birth of Fergus’ child. How eager he was for Highever to be filled with the sound of a family again, how much it would chase away the remaining ghosts in the halls of his home. They all turned, hearing the creak of the door.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Alistair’s voice became soft. His whole demeanor changed to calmness and caring as he held out his arms to the Princess crying at the door.

Ele ran into his arms and sniffled into his neck. “There was something under my bed. It is scary and it said it’s gonna get Mamá.”

Alistair tried to get the girl to release her arms from around his neck, but her grip was too tight. “Ele.” he said quietly as Fergus rubbed her arms lightly that were on the back of Alistair’s neck.

“No, no no no no.” Ele cried, her face still buried in his neck but they could all hear the sound of her sniffling, and it was clear she was fully crying now.

“Ele, honey,” Alistair rubbed her back trying to get her to calm down.

Anders left his chair and kneeled in front of the King. “Hey little one.” he said softly as he reached up and touched her cheek.

Ele sniffled but turned to look at him.

“Your mother’s asleep right now but if you’re real quiet, I can take you to see her so you can see she’s ok. Then I’ll cast a spell to scare away that monster in your room? Ok?” Anders said softly.

Ele nodded and released her grip on Alistair, shifting across his lap and into Anders’ waiting arms. “Can you do a spell to keep Mamá safe too?” she asked as she laid her head on his shoulder as he stood up.

“Sure, we can do that,” he nodded to the King and left with the girl in his arms.

When he returned twenty minutes later and announced that the Princess was now sound asleep and that all monsters had been banished, the King gave him a friendly smirk, and he seemed to be sitting more at ease. The aggression and distrust that Anders had picked up on from the King before all seemed to have melted away. He couldn’t say the same about the Teyrn.

Fergus seemed to be boring holes in him with his eyes. “Did I miss something while I was gone?” Anders asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I’m not sure I like the idea of you casting magic on my sister while she’s sleeping.” Fergus glared at him.

“I…” Anders blinked in disbelief, “I thought it was obvious I just said that for Ele’s sake. I didn’t cast anything more than a glimmer, just some smoke and a few sparkles.  A little light ball in Ele’s room. She didn’t know the difference. Let me be clear, the only time I would ever, ever cast magic on someone without the knowledge is if they were against me in a battle or if they were unconscious and in need of healing. Why would you think I would do something like that?” Anders was starting to tire of the man’s suspicions and accusations.

“Ari seems rather tired since you all arrived,” Fergus commented.

“The trip wore her out more than expected,” Anders answered, exchanging a look with the King.

“Bethany tells me that you taught her some of the healing magic she knows.” Fergus tossed in a silver, but didn’t look up.

Anders nodded. At least this was an innocent question. “Yes, she was a brilliant student.”

“She said you taught her about poisons.” Fergus continued, as Anders exchanged a card.

“I’ve found that knowledge of them helps a healer work out the formulas for antidotes.” He explained, surprised the Teyrn was showing interest in his work.  This was perhaps a good sign.

“So then you would know how to make poisons and toxins?” Fergus took a drink, watching the mage closely.

“In theory, however I’ve ne…” Anders began to answer.

“Because I find it curious that my sister has barely been able to get out of bed since she arrived. You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” Fergus now looked directly in Anders eyes, his gaze cold.  Anders felt like a deer in a trap, unsure which way to move.  On the one hand, he’d just been accused of harming Ari and felt the need to demand an apology from the Teyrn.  On the other, he could understand his concern, and this could be a chance to prove himself.

“I would never hurt her. I’m a healer, and I love her. I’d sooner die than see her hurt.” Ander hoped Fergus believed him.

“Then why is she so ill?” Fergus glared at him. “If you’re such a good healer, why aren’t you healing her?”

“She’s not poisoned,” Alistair replied before Anders could answer.

“You know this for sure?” Fergus raised an eyebrow. “Because I’ve seen her get sick twice now.”

Alistair nodded and Anders coughed and shook his head at the King. “Relax Anders. She can get mad at me for telling her secret and you can stay in the clear.” Alistair held up his hand. Fergus raised an eyebrow, looking between them. “We’re going to be Uncles again.” Alistair explained.

Nathaniel let out a hearty laugh and gave Anders a congratulatory slap on the back, raising his glass as the mage blushed.

“So you knew and not me?” Fergus sounded hurt, his face falling as he looked at Alistair.

“I sort of stumbled onto it when they arrived, I don’t think she meant for me to know yet either.” Alistair shook his head trying to reassure the Teyrn.

“She is keeping it quiet because she doesn’t want Eleanor to know just yet. She’s afraid of throwing too much change at her at once.” Anders explained, hopeful that this bit of news hadn’t sealed his fate.

Fergus couldn’t hide the grin from his face. “Well, I guess we need to go easier on him now.” He looked at the King who chuckled and nodded. “So what are your intentions now that there’s a little one coming?” Fergus voice sounded completely different, lighter, and he was no longer glaring at Anders.

“Well, I was hoping you could all help me with that.” Anders replied and gulped down the rest of his drink for courage, hoping that everyone’s happier mood was a good sign.

After another hand, Nathaniel and Anders walked to the bar to prepare more drinks for everyone.

“I think you can breathe now,” Nathaniel elbowed him.

“I don’t know. Fergus still seems to not trust me at all no matter what I say. It seems only the news of the baby has calmed him.” Anders shook his head, speaking too quietly for the others to hear.

“It’s nothing personal.” Nathaniel tried to reassure him. “The man’s entire family was murdered by someone they all thought was a friend. That tends to make you paranoid.”

Anders took a deep breath and gave Nathaniel a half smile. He knew it couldn’t be easy for him to even bring up that subject. “Thanks.” he said quietly.

*** 

Anders stumbled into their room more than slightly buzzed a few hours later. After word had gotten out about the baby, the drinks started flowing.  Alistair and Fergus still put him through the wringer, but it was more good naturedly, less threatening.  Both men were overjoyed at the prospect of a new family member to spoil. He closed the door quietly and tried, without success, to remove his shoes without making any noise. They both dropped with a heavy thud onto the ground. He loudly shushed his cat, Lady Tigerly, when she protested the disruption to her sleeping on his part of the bed. 

As he slipped into the covers, Ari rolled over and touched his cheek. “Nice to see they let you live.” she teased pressing a sleepy kiss to his lips.

“Yes, but if I go missing, I wouldn’t rule either of them out.” he replied as she snuggled into his arms, falling back asleep soon after, her arm resting over his waist.

Anders ran a hand over her arm, watching her sleep so peacefully. Maker, he loved this woman. She refused to see anything but good in him, and she loved him completely and without fail. When he was in her presence he felt like there was nothing he couldn’t do, no obstacle he couldn’t overcome. 

His hand moved to her abdomen as it did nearly every night lately, and he rested his hand there. His thumb moved along it idly as he fell asleep dreaming of a child that looked like her mother.


	26. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bethany finally has the reunion she's been wanting for years.
> 
> And then her and Nathaniel have some *cough* "Alone time"

**** Bethany stood in the hallway wringing her hands, looking at a door that looked just like any other door. But this door, it was a big door for Bethany. An important door,monumental. On the other side was Marian. All she had to do was lift her hand and knock and they’d be reunited. She was nervous, scared. What if Marian had changed too much for them to be close anymore? What if Bethany had changed too much? What if Fenris still didn’t trust her and it put a strain on her relationship with Marian? What if Marian hated Nathaniel?

She thought she’d have more time today to prepare for this. But then Anders told her at breakfast that Ari was suffering from morning sickness and would meet her for lunch instead. Suddenly there was no more excuses to put this off. 

She envisioned the door opening and Fenris slamming it in her face telling her a mage was not welcome near his family. Or maybe he would let her in, only to have Marian tell her that she hadn’t really missed Bethany, that her life had been just fine without her and she didn’t need her anymore.

She looked at her hands again and gulped.

“Hey, whatever happens, I’m right here.” Nathaniel put his hand reassuringly on the small of her back and gave her a supportive smile. Last night she had told him all of her fears about this, and he’d been trying to help her feel more relaxed about it ever since. He put two fingers under her chin and pulled it up slightly, pressing a soft kiss to her lips. When he pulled back to look at her, she appeared more relaxed.

Bethany closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Taking Nathaniel’s hand in hers, she opened her eyes again. She knocked on the door and waited, holding her breath again. A moment later the door opened. Fenris looked at her but said nothing, his face unreadable. He looked much the same as she remembered, hair a little longer, but otherwise just about the same. His eyes moved over her face, but still he remained stoic. He looked next to her, and his face changed to one of recognition as he saw Nathaniel. Fenris looked back at Bethany and his lips actually curled up slightly, which took her by surprise. In the time she knew him, she’d never known him to smile even once.

“Bethany?” he sounded unsure. She realized at that moment that he had not seen her in nearly a decade, of course he wouldn’t have recalled what she looked like.

She nodded, suddenly unable to find her voice. He gave her that small grin again and stepped back, opening the door further. Nathaniel squeezed her hand and put his other hand on the small of her back again giving her a slight nudge. She unfroze and stepped into the room.

Fenris closed the door and Nathaniel extended his hand. “Fenris, good to see you again.”

Fenris nodded as he shook his hand and turned his attention to further in the room.

Bethany’s head turned to see where he was looking. Her breath caught, her eyes grew wide as tears appeared. Across the room, only ten feet away was Marian, her expression nearly the same as Bethany’s. They both stared at eachother for a moment until the spell broke and Bethany found herself running into her sister’s arms.

Both women became a blubbering mess as they were reunited.

“Imsosorrywe,” sniffle, “foughtivemissedyou” Bethany cried.

“Noitsmyfaultiloveyouimissedyou,letsnevereverfightagain”Marian sobbed at her at the same time.

“I cannot understand a word they are saying.” Fenris commented, cocking his head to the side wondering what language they were speaking. He and Nathaniel watched the crying women, their foreheads pressed together as they held each other’s arms. He was still wearing the same look of uncertainty he had before, nervous almost.

Nathaniel let out a quiet chuckle. “Neither can I, but I think they’re happy. At least those look like happy tears.”

Fenris nodded and turned to look at Nathaniel. His expression became serious “I was told by Hawke to inform you, that if you hurt Bethany, I will rip your heart out.”

Nathaniel nodded, suddenly very grateful the two of them had not arrived a day earlier as he got the feeling Fenris was not just using a figure of speech. He looked back at the woman.

Bethany wiped her eyes clear of tears and gave her sister a warm smile. She looked down slightly. Marian had told her the news, but reading it on paper and seeing the enlarged abdomen were two entirely different things.

“Marian, you’re going to be a mom.” Bethany giggled.

“And you’re going to be an aunt.” Marian replied. “Twice.”

Bethany’s eyes grew large, “Twins?”

Marian nodded. “Anders checked this morning, there’s two in there.”

Nathaniel gave Fenris a friendly pat on the back, the elf’s look of uncertainty and nervousness that he’d had since they arrived suddenly making sense. “Congratulations. I’ll bring you a drink next time we come, you look like you could use one.”

Fenris nodded, his expression still unchanged, as he watched Marian. Fatherhood itself was an idea he still had not come to grips with despite having had knowledge of this for several months. He was happy with the idea, as a slave there had been no thought to having children unless Danarius had allowed it, but now, to know he was going to be a father, and with Marian, it was a dream come true. But it terrified him too, what did he know of children, babies? What type of father would he be? Would his children be afraid of him, see him as scary, or would they be like Eleanor, and just see him as a fun playmate? And two of them! When Anders had told them that this morning, he’d nearly passed out. Two. Instead of exciting him, the thought of two scared him even more than he had been.

Marian suddenly grabbed Bethany’s left hand and her eyes grew wide looking at the size of the ring. “Holy Maker! He certainly didn’t go halfway on this ring!”

Bethany blushed, “It was his mother’s.”

“You’re happy?” Marian asked raising an eyebrow while she looked for a moment at Nathaniel who was currently talking with Fenris, their backs to the two of them.

“Very.” Bethany nodded. “Despite my best attempts at making a total mess of things, he loves me. He makes me very happy.”

“Plus, he’s pretty hot,” Marian whispered and they both laughed loudly drawing the attention of their men.

***

They exited the room an hour later when Marian needed a nap, but with plans to return that night for dinner. When they returned to their room Nathaniel pulled her into his arms as soon as the door shut.

“Feeling better now that you’ve actually talked to her and you know she missed you too?” he asked as he kissed her nose.

Bethany nodded, tilting her head up to kiss his chin.

“So what were you two talking about while I was being threatened with lots of pain?” he smirked as she continued kissing towards his neck.

Bethany leaned back to look at him. “The wedding, and you were what?”

“I believe the exact threat was my heart being ripped out. Apparently your sister decided to sick her husband on me.” he chuckled.

“Um...Fenris can  _ actually _ do that,” her eyes got wide.

Nathaniel shook his head and laughed. “Good to know. Ok, keep the new brother-in-law happy, check.”

Bethany smiled wide at hearing him say those words,  _ brother-in-law _ . She leaned forward and nibbled at his neck, gripping his hips tighter when she heard him softly moan. “Do I need to comfort you after you were threatened, my dear Commander?” she teased him.

“Mmmm,” he gave her a look that made her knees incredibly weak.

“Nate, what are you thinking?” she quirked her eyebrow up.

“I’m picturing you, me, in a room three weeks from now, your wedding dress on the floor.” He all but purred as he pulled his hand away from her and her dress dropped to the floor. She hadn’t even felt him touch the ties, she loved her rogue. “Much like that.” 

He reached down and took off his shirt. Before she could reach out to touch him, his hands grabbed her hips and pulled her body  up along his. Bethany wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he turned to press her against the wall. She could feel his cock, firm and thick in his breeches, his hands gripping her ass, holding her in place as he ground into her. Each time he did, she could feel him brush along her throbbing clit, and it shot sparks of desire through her. If he kept up much more she was going to come just from this. One of his hands removed her breastband as his lips left hers and began working their way down her.

“Nate,” she cried breathless. “Oh Maker. There...there’s a bed over there.”

“Too far away,” he groaned from where he was nibbling her neck. “Need you now.”

He could feel every inch of her pressed against him. His cock ached, needing to be inside of her. He rolled his hips, growling with pride when he heard his mage moan for him. Something about the idea of their wedding filled him with a feeling of possessiveness, and he couldn’t help himself, desperate at that moment to have her. The feel of her skin on his only served to ignite his passions further. He sucked on a nipple and felt her stiffen, the hand in his hair gripping for a moment,  and his cock moved in response, excited by her pulling his hair. He continued his attention to her breasts as Bethany cried out through her orgasm, his name falling loudly from her lips.

One of his hands left her legs and she felt him untie his laces. Bethany reached down with one hand to help him push the breeches down as her other gripped his hair once more. His fingers ran along her smalls, pressing along her.

“Mmm, so wet for me already, my mage,” he growled into her ear. “Are you ready for me?  Do you want me to take you? ”

Bethany nodded, unable to find her voice. He knew all too well just how to make her weak with a look, a tone of his voice. He had learned to play her like a lute, and she felt like the luckiest woman in Thedas that he put all that attention into her and her pleasure. She felt a tug, and then heard her smalls rip as he tore them from her. Somehow that action made her feel even more turned on then she already was. The man was a menace, she thought, and then lost the ability to think anything more as she felt him enter her slowly, as if to drag it out.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh,” she moaned.

“I love when you make those sounds for me.” he nipped her ear as he pulled back just slightly and slammed into her. She yelped and cried out in response. “Oh, like that?” he purred and repeated the action again.  She felt so wet, so perfect and it was all the control he had not to come at that moment. But he wanted her to come again, he wanted to show her just how much he desired her, just how much the thought of her being his wife made him crazy with want.

She could already feel the pressure building in her abdomen, her legs tightened around his waist, her hand yanking his hair. He was filling her, from this position he almost felt larger than usual. He was hitting spots that drove her to be unable to think. She felt like every nerve was stimulated in her body. The feel of him, pressing her into the wall, filling her, it was driving her to unbelievable heights. She’d barely come down from her first orgasm and she could feel her second building already. The ebb and flow, each time he pushed into her, the pulling and fluttering increased. “Holy maker, Nate,”

He nipped her chest in response and then rose back up to full height and looked her in the eyes. He said nothing, just watched her with that smoldering look of his, and tightened his grip on her hips as he began pistoning his into her with urgency . Between the feel of him and the look he was giving her she felt herself quickly reaching her climax. Bethany’s nails dug into his shoulders, and she was sure she was leaving marks, if not blood, as she threw her head back and screamed his name.

“Fuck, Bethany,” he mumbled as his nose fell into her neck muffling his voice. He yanked her hips against him hard and came with a groan.

He held her pressed against the wall, and she felt him tuck himself back in his breeches. He then carried her to their bed, crawling under the covers with her.

“Nate,” she chuckled.

“Mmmm?” he nipped at her shoulder,  clearly ready for a second round .

“My shoes are still on.” she giggled as he smirked and rolled on top of her.


	27. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bethany and Ari finally spend some time together.
> 
> Memories from Nathaniel's POV of when Zevran died.

**** After a rather filling lunch of meats, breads, cheeses and fruit, everyone started heading in separate directions, including Anders who was led away by Fergus and once again looking slightly nervous. Nate had filled her in on Anders plans to propose the next day, so she had a good idea that was what the two had left to discuss. 

Nate was holding her hand, running his thumb along the back while pressing a soft kiss to her cheek."What would you like to do today?” he asked her. 

“Actually, I was hoping maybe I could borrow her?” They both looked up to see Ari standing by them."You, look nothing like your sister." Ari gave a shy smile to Bethany and blushed. 

“I look more like our brother did,” Bethany replied, standing up to walk with the Hero. 

“Come, we have lots to talk about before you marry Nate,” Ari gave a teasing look at Nate. 

“Ri, be nice,” he begged. 

“Maybe you should have helped me keep Fergus from dragging Anders off. That would have kept me more occupied." Ari laughed as she and Bethany started to walk off together. 

“Maker help me,” Nate chuckled, unsure if it would be good or not to have those two finally get along. 

After they were out of earshot of everyone else, Ari spoke. She looked at the ground as she did, pushing some hair behind her ear. Bethany was relieved that she clearly wasn’t the only one with butterflies in her stomach."Thanks for walking with me. I...I wanted to go somewhere, but Anders is being way too overprotective and worries about me wandering off. As if I have never faced danger before, and I doubt there’s much to be had in the palace walls." She tilted her head and gave Bethany that small smile again. 

Bethany nodded, “It’s probably the healer in him."

Ari nodded but said nothing, her face starting to look a little somber as they approached a white marble wall. Bethany watched as Ari took a deep breath as if steeling herself for something. Ari approached the wall silently and her hands ran over a plaque there. The wall had many silver plaques, listing names Bethany did not recognize - Warden Riordan, Warden Duncan, Warden Mac Tir along with many others. From where she was, just a few steps away, Bethany could make out the words on the plaque Ari was touching."Zevran Arainai. Husband, Father, Friend, Hero of the Fifth Blight”. She decided that this was probably something private, and found a nearby bench to wait. 

From where she sat, she could see Ari was saying something, but was unable to hear the words. After about fifteen minutes, the Hero joined Bethany on the bench, looking down at her hands again. It was clear to see she’d been crying so Bethany reached out and squeezed one of the Ari’s hands. She hadn’t really thought before about what it must be like for this woman sitting beside her. Bethany had only been broken up with Nate for a few hours and it had torn her heart apart. She remembered how scared she had been when he’d been missing, terrified to never see him again. The woman beside her, she once had someone to love like that, but she  _ did _ lose him. It hadn’t occurred to her until just this moment, how much pain Ari had to be carrying around all these years. 

“Thanks for coming with me,” Ari sniffled and brushed away a tear with a hand, still holding Bethany’s hand with the other."I wanted to come to...well to see him, but I didn’t really want any of the rest of them with me when I did it."

Bethany squeezed her hand again, hoping it was giving some small comfort to her. "I’m honored. Are you, well, ok?”

Ari let out a chuckle and sniffled again."I look a mess, don’t I?”

Bethany smirked and shook her head. 

“You’re sweet to lie. I...,” Ari let out a sigh. Her heart hurt so much, she thought it was getting better, but being here in Denerim, all that old pain came back up to the surface. "I’m assuming Nate told you my news?”

“About the baby? Yes,” Bethan nodded with a smile. 

“Worst kept secret. Apparently if you want something kept hush hush, don’t tell it to the King of Ferelden.” Ari chuckled. "I just don’t want Eleanor to know yet. There’s enough change with me coming back, and her moving out of the castle, and then Anders moving with us. I don’t want to throw a baby at her on top of it all right away."

“All understandable." Bethany nodded. "But shouldn’t you be happy? This is good news, right?”

Ari’s eyes went back up to the memorial wall, “It is, I mean I’m happy, and I love Anders. The timing could have been a little better, but I’m happy, we’re happy. It’s just...” She bit her lip and looked nervous again.

“Ari, whatever you tell me will stay between us." Bethany tried to reassure her. It was clear to her that the Hero needed to talk. This woman who at one point had seemed larger than life to Bethany, untouchable, now looked so human, and clearly carrying just as much, if not more, pain as anyone. She realized now what Nate had meant when he’d tried to tell her that Ari was just like everyone else. 

Ari let out a sad noise and looked at Bethany. "I worry what he thinks about all this. Is he in the Fade cursing at me for betraying him. Does he think I’m a horrible mother for having left Eleanor for so long? Am I being disloyal to his memory by falling in love again? Do you think I’m a bad person?” Tears were falling down her cheeks as she spoke. 

Bethany pulled the woman in for a hug, and Ari clung to her and cried softly. When Ari pulled back, she dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. 

"No." Bethany touched Ari’s arm. "I don’t believe any of that. I saw first hand that Eleanor was well taken care of while you were gone. Alistair was wonderful with her, and she’s a sweet girl, you should be proud. And I know I never met Zevran, but I doubt he’d want you to be alone. I know you and he may have had plans to be together to the end, but that was stolen from you. You deserve to be loved again, and Anders is a good man. I consider him a friend and I know he cares for you deeply."

Ari nodded but said nothing, her hands nervously shuffling in her lap. "I’m not sure I deserve to have goodness."

“Why ever not?” Bethany asked, surprised. "If anyone does, it would be you. You saved all of Thedas."

“Because I killed a man. I mean, I’ve killed many, but that was in battle, or Crows that were attacking me. I killed Rendon Howe purely for revenge. I could have let him live, let him be judged and punished. But instead I killed Nate’s father, the man that was supposed to be my father-in-law. I put a knife in his heart and I was happy about it. Nate has his father’s eyes. Anytime I look at him, I’m reminded of what I did. I don’t even know why he doesn’t hate me for it, I know I do." Ari dabbed at her eyes again. Bethany remembered her talk with Anders the day before, and her heart hurt for Ari, for the pain and guilt she was carrying around undeservedly. 

“Nate doesn’t hate you for that, he told me that when he learned the truth, he wanted to do it himself. His father was evil and sick, he deserved his fate." She reached over and squeezed Ari’s hand reassuringly. "Maybe, well maybe the baby is a gift from Zevran. A way for him to let you know that he’s ok with this. That he wants you to have a new life, to have joy again."

Ari let out another sob, but this one sounded happier, and she hugged Bethany again. "I can see why Nate loves you. You’re too sweet, and you’re putting up with someone you just met crying all over you." Ari gave Bethany a half smile. "He’s a good man, and life hasn’t treated him so well these last ten years. Take care of him and love him with all you have. I promise he’ll return it to you."

Bethany smiled at her, “I think we just became friends."

Ari nodded. "Poor Nate." she sighed overdramatically and they both laughed. 

“So, what was he like growing up?” Bethany asked her, feeling some excitement that not only was she talking to someone she had idolized for so long, but she was getting a chance to know more of Nathaniel’s past. 

“At first he was lots of fun, one of my best friends. Then he discovered girls, and was a total jerk. Broke my poor thirteen year old heart and made me cry almost daily." Ari grinned. 

Bethany chuckled, “The cad!” she said in mock horror as she put her hand on her chest. 

“Oh, it gets worse. You sure you want to know? You may call off the wedding,” Ari smirked. 

“Well now I HAVE to know!” 

“On my sixteenth birthday, he told me I was pretty." Ari explained. 

“Well that’s not so bad,” Bethany tilted her head, curious. 

“And then he kissed another girl not three hours later when he, Fergus and I went out for drinks." Ari said, putting her hand over her heart as if heartbroken. 

“He did what? Oh, you’re right. I’m scandalized! Teenage boys are just the worst!” Bethany snorted. 

“Yes. Please tell Eleanor that, when she starts noticing them,” Ari laughed heartily. Bethany liked this side of the woman, now that she had relaxed, and had unburdened her sorrow, she was proving to be easy-going, easy to talk to. 

They spent another hour walking around the grounds and talking, both sharing stories from their youth. Bethany had been dying to know more about the Crow turned Hero, but had been afraid to ask, worried it would bring back up the hurt from earlier. After a while she got up the nerve to just ask. It turned out that Ari was more than happy to talk about Zevran, and answered every question the mage had with a twinkle in her green eyes. She said no one except her daughter really talked about him much anymore, and it was a joy to do so, that it helped her feel like he wasn’t so far away. 

“Besides Nate, are you doing ok at the Keep? You happy there?” Ari asked as they walked along the water.

“I am. I have friends there, and I suppose I’m doing alright with recruits.” Bethany nodded.

“Suppose? From the reports I got you are a natural. The newer Wardens look up to you, trust you. That’s not a small thing.” Ari corrected her.

Bethany cocked her head. Had she been spying on her? “How do you know about me already?”

Ari stopped and looked at her. “Bethany, I’m still a Commander. And the Wardens at the Keep, well they’re mine, and if Nate hasn’t told you already, I will, I protect what’s mine. Fiercely.”

“And you thought I was a threat?” Bethany felt defensive.

Ari shook her head. “No. You misunderstand. I wasn’t investigating you. You’re a Warden at the Keep, that means you’re one of mine.”

Bethany blushed, embarrassed to have misjudged her. “I’m sorry.”

Ari shook her head again. “It’s fine.” she waved her hand to show it was really nothing. “Just know I’ve got your back if you ever need it. But I am serious, Commander to Senior Warden, everything I’ve heard about you is very impressive. Don’t sell yourself short. ”

Bethany smiled brightly. “I guess...well I’m just so used to living in Marian’s shadow. It is nice to hear.”

Ari gave her a warm smile. “I know about living in a sibling’s shadow. Fergus has always been an imposing figure, draws your attention right to him. Even when we were kids. He was groomed to be Teyrn, so I guess it makes sense. But you should be proud, all your superiors had nothing but good to say about you.”

“Well, I think the current Warden Commander at Vigil’s may be a little biased.” Bethany smirked.

“He’s in love with you, yes. But even that, maybe especially that, wouldn’t keep Nate from being brutally honest if he found you lacking as a Warden.” Ari nodded.

Ari stopped walking and turned to look at Bethany fully. She gently gripped the mage’s shoulders. She was looking Bethany straight in the eye when she spoke. “ I know you and Nate accepted the offer, that you’ll be leaving the Wardens. But you’ll need those skills you’ve learned to be an Arlessa.  Despite the changes happening in Thedas, there’s still going to be plenty of nobles that are going to try to make you feel like you don’t belong, either because you weren’t born one of them or because you’re a mage. Some will say it right to your face, others will be smiles and talk behind your back. Some may even try to attack you by making you feel like your marriage to Nate doesn’t count. He will be true to you, so don’t let their attempts drive a wedge between you. Lean on him when you need, always tell him, never feel like you need to keep something from him. You’ll be stronger together.” 

Her voice became serious, her eyes narrowed slightly. “Don’t let anyone treat you as less than. Ever. You stand proud, no matter what they say, he loves you. Once you are married you  _ are _ the Arlessa, and don’t you let them forget it. Don’t be afraid to remind them your mother was an Amell. And if you really need an ace, just remind them the Teyrna is a close friend. They know better than to mess with mine.” she winked at Bethany.

They were walking through the training grounds, heading back to the castle, several soldiers stopping either to salute Ari or, in the case of a few that seemed to know her, tell her how good it was to have her back, even ask if she’d be joining them in training. After turning back from talking to one of the men, Ari noticed an odd look on Bethany’s face. 

“Is something wrong?” Ari tried to understand the expression. 

Bethany shook her head. "No, just the opposite. You’re not what I expected, better actually. I was worried about meeting you." 

“Me? Why? What did Nate tell you about me that would make you worry?” Ari’s nervousness appeared to be coming back. 

“Not much at all, really. I mean a little, but until recently he didn’t seem to want to talk about you. I think he was too worried when you were gone, that maybe talking about you would bring those fears to the surface. I mean he’d answer my questions, but he’d never voluntarily tell me much except that if we’d met I’d see you weren’t what the stories say, which I can see now is true . And then…” Bethany looked away, feeling nervous herself. She sat on a nearby bench,  her stomach finding itself in knots. They were becoming friends, she didn’t want to ruin it, but Ari had been so open and honest with her, she felt she should do the same . 

“Then what?” Ari sat beside her and gripped her own hands in her lap. She also was feeling worried herself, that despite Anders’ assurances to the contrary, perhaps she and Bethany wouldn’t be friends. That maybe her past with Nathaniel would be too much to overcome. 

“I saw the two of you together. I know. . . I mean it was fairly obvious, and I was worried…” Bethany kneaded her fingers. She believed Nathaniel when he told her he only wanted her, but she still needed to hear from the Hero that she wasn’t a threat. 

“You were worried I was coming to steal him away?” Ari touched Bethany’s wrist and looked at her with nothing but kindness. Ari tried to quell the butterflies. This was exactly what she had fretted about, and she recognized this might be her one chance to get this right.

Bethany nodded. 

Ari let out a sigh and gave a nodding of understanding. "When...when Zev died, I was devastated. My whole world shattered. He  _ was _ my whole world. I just collapsed, couldn’t even feed myself, much less care for a child. I wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die, join him in the Fade." Ari didn’t bother wiping away the tear that fell down her cheek. Bethany took her hand. "My friends, they had to do for me, had to feed me, care for me. That was nearly four years ago and, honestly, it wasn’t until Anders that I started to feel ok again.  Started to feel like I wasn’t so broken anymore. "

Bethany squeezed Ari’s hand. "I’m sorry, that must have been painful."

Ari gave her a sad smile. "It was, still is. My point though, is that  _ you  _ are Nate’s whole world. He talks about you constantly, the way his face lights up, you’re  _ his _ everything. I won’t lie to you, I love him, probably always will, but I also love Anders , and he’s who I want to be with . I would never want Nathaniel to feel what I felt when Zev died. I’d never do anything to risk him losing you, even if he were to only feel a fraction of the pain I felt then, it would never be worth it. And Anders, he fixed my heart, just  _ seeing _ him, the way he smiles at me, when he holds my hand, I just...I can’t explain how happy it makes me feel. I feel like I’m at peace for the first time in so many years because of him. I’m not a threat to you, I promise."

Bethany realized that for those few hours that she had left Nathaniel,that was probably exactly how he felt, and her heart clenched again. She swore to herself never to be so careless with her words with him going forward, that next time she would just  _ talk _ to him, give him a chance to explain. She reached out and hugged her new friend. 

"Thank you,” she said softly. Ari hugged her back and nodded. 

They were sitting in the atrium talking when Nathaniel found them. "I was worried you’d stolen her away for good,” he smiled as he kissed Bethany’s cheek. 

“No, I’m returning her good as new. Sorry to report we are now dear friends and she and I will be spending lots more time together." Ari winked at Bethany. 

“Well, that’s good, right?” Nathaniel asked, looking between them. 

“I can’t believe you kissed another girl on her birthday,” Bethany scolded him. "You broke my friend’s heart." She shook her head at him, giving him a look of mock outrage. 

“Really? I’m  _ still _ paying for that, Ri?” he laughed, looking at Ari and raising an eyebrow. He was relieved to see that, as he had suspected, the two of them were becoming friends. Even if it meant teasing him, it was satisfying to see them bond. 

“Oh, you will pay for that forever." Ari chuckled which set Bethany off laughing. 

“Maker, I can only imagine what else you told her." he shook his head. 

“Oh, I know all about you now, Nathaniel Howe." Bethany winked at him. 

Bethany saw the look on Ari’s face change. She had been laughing, and a moment later it changed to a look of pure bliss. Bethany turned her head to follow the path of Ari’s eyes, and couldn’t help but grin slightly seeing Anders walking towards them. Ari rose from the table and quickly walked up to the healer. Bethany watched as Anders wrapped his arms around her and buried his nose in her neck. It was clear watching them just how much they both loved each other, how happy they were and she couldn’t help but smile. 

“So, how much damage control do I have to do from whatever she told you?” she turned her head to see Nathaniel smirking at her. 

“None whatsoever." Bethany pressed her lips to his, and his arm around her waist tightened as he pulled her closer. When she pulled back she looked at him and smiled, watching his eyes. 

“What?” he asked her softly. 

“I know I said it already, but I’m sorry for yesterday. I love you,” she said touching his face. "I will never break your heart like that again. I swear."

Nathaniel smiled at her sweetly."I don’t know what the two of you talked about, but I’m glad you did." He leaned back to her, kissing her once more. 

“It wasn’t anything she said. Just being with her made me realize how lucky I am and that I shouldn’t take what we have for granted."

Nathaniel nodded in understanding, knowing they must have talked about Zevran. He felt some sadness remembering how broken she had been then. 

***

_ The sun had barely risen over the horizon and Nathaniel was already deep in paperwork and requisitions. He’d been up nearly an hour already, shifting through the piles, hoping he could clear off enough from his desk to go for a ride on his horse in the countryside, or at least practice at the archery range. A trip to see his sister was all but out of the question with what he had on his plate currently. Why did he think getting promoted to Warden Commander was a good thing, he wondered. _

_ The door to his office opened and he didn’t even bother looking up, as it was most likely the runner with his breakfast. “Just leave it over on the table.” He instructed. _

_ “Ser,” he heard a voice out of breath. _

_ He looked up to see a page trying to catch her breath while holding out a letter to him. “Just arrived by bird Ser. It’s got the seal from Denerim on it, Ser.” _

_ Nathaniel took the letter, and looking closer, he could see the seal was actually that of the King himself. Usually correspondance came via his scribes. It was incredibly rare to receive something directly from the King. His curiosity raised, Nathaniel opened the letter.  His eyes quickly scanned the hastily scrambled letter. _

_ “Tell the Seneschal I am heading to Denerim immediately.” Nathaniel said as he began to head to his room to prepare to leave. _

_ “Ser? But Ser, you don’t have a Constable. Who will be in charge?” The page scrambled to catch up with him. _

I don’t care, I need to get to her _ , was all the thought. At that moment Sigrun turned the corner. “Warden Sigrun.” _

_ “Commander,” the dwarf replied. _

_ “Emergency, Sigrun. I am leaving immediately for Denerim, you are in charge in my leave.” Nathaniel informed her. _

_ “Ser?” the page asked confused as Sigrun saluted and turned to head to his office. _

_ “What?” he growled at the page. _

_ “N..nothing Ser. I’ll inform the Seneschal right away.” the girl scrambled away quickly. _

_ \------ _

_ The trip was normally a three to four hour ride. Nathaniel made it just over two, his horse racing to get there as quick as he could.  By nine he was sitting in the King’s office waiting for him . He’d tried to insist not to disturb the man, but he’d been informed that Alistair was already up and about. _

_ “Nathaniel, I didn’t expect you until tonight at the earliest.” Alistair sounded surprised,but not unhappy as he walked in and nodded to the Commander. While they knew each other, they had barely more than a professional relationship through the Wardens, neither really taking the time to get to know the other. _

_ “I just...I needed to be here. How is she? How are they?” The worry in his voice was very evident. He knew enough about the King to know that behind closed doors,formality was rarely needed. _

_ “Eleanor is in her room playing. I don’t think she really understands what’s going on. Fergus should be here this afternoon, I was waiting until he arrived to talk to her about it.” Alistair answered, leaning back on his desk. His face showed signs of exhaustion and Nathaniel wondered if the King had even slept at all since yesterday. _

_ “And Arianna?” Nathaniel searched the King’s face for any clue. _

_ Alistair shook his head, his eyes dropped to the floor. “She refuses to see me. I...I was the one who told her.” He looked up to Nathaniel, his eyes full of pain. “I fear she hates me for that. She won’t come out of her room and declines any food. Perhaps you and Fergus can help her, get her to open up.” _

_ Nathaniel nodded and stood, “I’ll do what I can.” _

_ Alistair stood back up and led him to the King’s private wing. “She’s in there.” He whispered, pointing to a room down the hall a little ways. “Thank you.” _

_ Nathaniel entered the room, the firelight the only light in the room despite the time of day. The curtains were drawn completely closed. He looked around, he could hear her muffled sobs, but not see her. After his eyes adjusted to the darkness he found her. She was sitting along the wall, her knees curled up into herself. Nathaniel walked to where she was and knelt down. “Ri.” he said softly. _

_ She looked up, her eyes were red, puffy, and there was very little life in them, none of the humor and mischief he had come to expect in her eyes. Ari let out a loud sob and moved so quickly into his arms he barely had time to sit before she knocked them both over. He held her, wrapped her up in his arms as she buried her head into his chest and just wailed. It was a sound of heartbreak he’d never heard from anyone else before and it shattered his own heart immediately. His beautiful Arianna was hurting, and it hurt him in return, especially because he was at a loss of what he could do for her except hold her and rock her. _

_ Things didn’t improve at all over the course of the next week. Fergus had arrived, and he had tried to reach out to Arianna, but it had been fruitless. Feeling rejected, the Teyrn had instead opted to spend his time with Eleanor. Nathaniel assumed part of it was that seeing Arianna like this brought back up the loss of his own family, and it had become too painful.  _

_ Alistair had one of the Royal Healers cast a spell to preserve Zevran’s body until Ari was able to attend a funeral. Much like the King had said, she refused to do anything more than cry. Healers had to come at night to make her drink something to sleep. Like every other day, Nathaniel sat on the edge of the bed and did what he could, even though it felt like a losing battle. _

_ “Please Ri." Nathaniel begged, holding out a piece of bread. She looked so pale, thin. He was terrified. It was evident she had given up, that she was going to die. He had begged the Maker so many times not to take her, to make her well. It was hard enough living with her not being his any longer, he couldn’t bare the idea of having to live with her gone. _

_ She shook her head, tears starting up again.  _

_ Nathaniel put the plate back on the table and put his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap. She felt even thinner than she looked, and his heart hurt all the more. He wanted to scream, to get up, walk to the chapel and pummel the elf’s body for leaving her like this. His beautiful Arianna was a shell. Zevran had died and broken her heart and there was nothing he could do for her but listen to her pour out her broken heart.  _

_ She wrapped her arms around herself and leaned into his chest. Nathaniel just held her close,  rocking her in his arms, pressing soft kisses to her hair. Whispering to her that she was loved, that she was not alone, that she was needed. He wished he knew the magic words to mend her heart, to get back the beautiful, vibrant woman he loved, but there was none. He wanted to kiss her deeply, to show her he was still there for her, still cared, but he knew that would only do more damage to her. _

_ The King said he’d sent for someone, some friend that Alistair hoped could get through to her. Nathaniel didn’t know who this man was, and it filled him with a small amount of jealousy that there was some other man out there that they all thought could help her when he could not. At the same time, he prayed this mysterious Knight-Captain could break through. Nathaniel did not want to lose her again, not like this. He loved her, needed her to live, to survive.  _

_ He wanted so badly to comfort her, to help her see that even with this, it would be alright. That he was there to help her through it, that he would support her, be her rock, her friend. He felt her finally drift off to sleep in his arms and he slowly placed her back into her bed, tucking the covers around her, grateful that at least she was sleeping now.  _

_ “I love you, Ri." he whispered to her as she slept. He took her hand in his, placing his lips to it and just prayed once again to the Maker not to take her from him.  _


	28. Getting to know Fenris

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bethany gets to see a side of Fenris she hasn't seen before and realizes that maybe he is a good match for Marian.

**** Hawke had told Bethany the day before that the reason that she and Fenris were being kept hidden in a distant wing of the castle was so that there was no chance Ari might see them. If all went well, the wedding would be tonight, and Anders had invited them here for that purpose. He wanted to surprise her with them and some other guests. For this reason, when Bethany wanted to see her sister, she had to go to their room until after tonight.

She knocked on the door and Fenris answered. "Hawke is not here." he told her softly.

Two things struck Bethany as odd. The first, which almost made her giggle, was that even though they were married, and going to be parents, he  _ still _ called her ‘Hawke’. The second, was how softly he spoke to her, kind almost.

“Oh, I guess I’ll come over later then,” she said, a little disappointed.

As she turned to leave, Fenris spoke, “I...I was hoping,” when she looked up he was no longer looking at her face, but instead to the ground and his feet were shifting slightly. "Perhaps we could talk for a few minutes?”

The idea of being alone with Fenris would normally scare the Maker out of her, but he seemed so nervous, that it had the effect of setting her at ease. Bethany nodded and entered the room when he stepped back to let her in.

“Tea?” he asked, gesturing to a pot near the table in their room. Their room, a suite really, was huge. Larger than Uncle Gamlen’s home had been, in fact. Bethany supposed this was to make them comfortable since they had to spend their days in it.

She nodded, “Where is Marian? I thought you two couldn’t leave. There’s nothing wrong with the babies, is there?”

“She is just a few doors down, and she and they are fine. She is talking with Cullen." He explained as he poured the drink for her.

“Cullen? As in Knight-Captain? He’s here?” She was suddenly feeling nervous again.

Fenris nodded as he sat with his cup in his hands."He is a friend of Ari’s, here for the wedding surprise, too. But he is no longer a Templar. He is now the Commander of the Inquisition."

“Wow, a lot has changed." she said in quiet wonder.

“Yes,” he nodded."I...Well I hope you realize that I too have changed. I am not the same man I was when you knew me long ago." He watched her, his eyes partially hidden by his long bangs.

“I would like to believe that, Fenris. Especially with you being married to my sister…” Bethany paused unsure what to day.

“I was full of hate and anger then, not just at mages, but everyone. I was terrified of the thought that Danarius would recapture me and my freedom would be lost. I treated you unfairly, lumped you in with Magisters instead of taking the time to know you as an individual." He blushed, ashamed at his behavior.

“So what changed, then? Marian said you killed Danarius, was that it? He’s dead and now you don’t hate mages anymore?” Bethany asked, trying to remember to be nice if for no other reason than he was now her sister’s husband.

Fenris shook his head. "It was your mother."

“My mother?” Bethany was shocked. That was the last thing she expected him to say.

“Yes. Leandra, she was kind to me when I wasn’t even kind to myself. She... she always made me feel,” he paused, looking like he was trying to reign in his emotions. "She always made me feel like I was worth something. She made me feel welcome in her home, took the time to get to know me, to show me I had value, and not as a slave, but as a person. She was very dear to me, your mother. She is the first person I ever mourned. I still miss her."

Bethany looked at Fenris in awe. She had never realized her mother had meant so much to him, never knew they’d had any kind of relationship at all. "I never knew."

Fenris gave her a half smile and nodded. "Hawke also changed how I viewed the world. I still have no idea how I ever won her heart, but I cherish that I do. She taught me what it is to love and be loved. I no longer carry around that anger I had in me for so long. I...I wish to make amends with you. You are her only family left, and, well, we are family now. I wish for us to be friends if you are able to forgive my past behavior. Hawke,” Fenris looked to the fire for a moment before looking back at Bethany, “since finding out she was pregnant, she has cried often for your mother. I think her becoming a mother has her missing Leandra all the more. I believe having you back in her life would mean a great deal to her, especially now."

Bethany had not expected any of this. Before she could answer there was a knock at the door.

Fenris walked across the suite and opened the door."Hi Fenris!” she heard Eleanor’s voice and a moment later saw the girl tackle Fenris around the waist as the elf chuckled and returned the hug. He  _ actually _ chuckled. Bethany would never have believed it if she hadn’t heard it with her own ears.

“Ele, come in. I have company,” he tilted his head to the fire.

Eleanor’s smile widened. "Hi, Aunt Bethany!I didn’t know you’d be in here too. Fenris, will you play with me? I brought the book you gave me."

Fenris nodded, “Come, sit by the fire with us."

He returned to his seat and Eleanor climbed into his lap. "You do not mind, do you?” He asked Bethany who shook her head.

Seeing him so gentle with Eleanor, and how much the girl clearly adored him was surprising, and she smiled, seeing this new side of him. Her worries about what kind of father he would be, how he treated Marian faded away as she watched him read to the Princess. When the story ended, Ele gave him a kiss on his cheek and then sat at the fire to play with Lulu, Marian’s mabari.

“Fenris,” she waited for him to look at her. "Would you and Marian consider settling in Amaranthine? Nate and I live near there, even when our new home is ready, it will be near there."

Fenris gave her a warm smile, “I will need to talk with her, but I believe we would both like that. To be close to family, especially now."

“How do you feel about having twins?” she asked him, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Do not tell Hawke." He looked concerned and she nodded in agreement. "I am frightened. Perhaps even more than I was of Danarius. What do I know about raising children? I have no reference of how to be a good father. And now there are two. I worry I will fail Hawke, fail them."

“You won’t,” she tried to reassure him. "I see how you are with her,” she motioned to Ele with her hand, “and I have no doubt you will be just as good, if not better with your own. Just love and protect them, you’ll figure out the rest as you go."

Fenris watched her, his eyes soft, and it looked again like he might cry.

The door to the suite opened and Marian entered. "I’m scandalized,” Marian chuckled when she entered. "I leave you for one hour and find you in the room with two beautiful women."

Fenris chuckled as Eleanor quickly scrambled up to see Marian. Fenris also stood up to give Marian a kiss on the cheek and walk her to the chair he had been sitting in.

“Bethany has suggested we relocate to Amaranthine, live near her." Fenris explained as he poured some tea for his wife.

“I… wait, you two are getting along now?” she asked.

Bethany nodded. "What do you say, sister? I think we’ve been apart too long."

Marian started to cry. Bethany looked at Fenris panicked, unsure how she had managed to upset her sister so badly, and worried that it would anger Fenris that she had. Fenris looked calm, however, despite the tears, and handed Hawke her tea without comment.

“Don’t cry, Lady Hawke,” Eleanor touched her arm.

Marian let out a watery chuckle. "I’m ok honey. I just get very emotional now with the babes coming." She patted Eleanor’s hand.

Bethany let out a sigh of relief that she hadn’t actually upset her sister.

“I think if Fenris has no objections, I’d like that very much." Marian gave her a smile.

“I would like the chance to get to know my sister-in-law better,” Fenris gave Bethany a half smile again before turning to place a kiss on Marian’s head. "And now you can drive her crazy instead of just me." He smirked and ducked out of the way when Marian made a playful swipe at him.

There was a knock at the door, and when Fenris opened it this time, Bethany half expected to see a fist fight when it was Anders that was on the other side. While it was clear they weren’t exactly warm to each other, both men surprised her, yet again, by being polite.

“Anders,” Fenris said, not nearly as friendly as he had spoken to Bethany.

“Fenris,” Anders nodded and looked into the room. "I came for Ele."

The girl heard her name and rushed to the door after giving both Marian and Bethany a kiss.

“Hi, Anders,” she smiled up at him.

Anders reached out his hand to her, “I am hoping for some of your time today, Ele. I have something important to talk about."

“Ok,” she grinned up at him. "Bye.” She turned and waved to them all as they left.

“I wonder what that was about,” Bethany turned to Marian after Fenris closed the door.

Marian gave her a knowing grin. "He’s going to ask her for her approval to marry Ari."

“I thought he was proposing to her tonight?” Bethany asked.

“He is, but he’s hoping to get Eleanor on board with the idea. She wasn’t too keen about the two of them at the start of their relationship, so he doesn’t want to upset her if he can avoid it." Marian explained.

Fenris had moved to another part of the suite to give them some time alone. "So, you are really ok with him?” Marian asked her, motioning her head towards Fenris.

“I am, he’s changed, I can see that now. And I know he makes you happy." Bethany took her sister’s hand.

Marian’s eyes teared up again, but this time Bethany didn’t worry.

“He said some sweet things about Ma." Bethany told her.

Marian laughed. "Oh, Bethany. You should have seen it back then. Here would come this big tough warrior into our house, often covered in blood, having half of Kirkwall terrified of him, and Ma would shove a cookie in his mouth, pinch his cheek and tell him he was too skinny."

They both laughed at the image that conjured up. It wasn’t long before their conversation turned to plans for the couple to move closer and Bethany’s upcoming wedding.


	29. A Surprise Wedding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on facebook :) I'd love to be friends!! https://www.facebook.com/bella.abraham.946  
> Also on Tumblr: wardenari.tumblr.com

**** Bethany looked herself over in the mirror. She was wearing an emerald green dress with a floor length gown. The skirt of the dress was actually two fabrics, solid Orlesian silk with a sheer overlay. The top of the bodice was a handmade lacework with the pattern of flowers that adorned her shoulders and across to her collar, laying tight against bare skin. The dress was cinched at the waist with a belt of the same fabric, showing some of her curves. The green accentuated her alabaster skin and raven hair beautifully, and she couldn’t help but feel as if she, herself, was a princess in it.

The dress was the most extravagant thing she’d ever owned in her life. The fabric alone was more than she could afford, let alone the cost of a seamstress. But Marian wanted to treat, she said that ever since she had come into her fortune from the Deep Roads, she had wanted nothing more than to spoil Bethany, but had never had the chance until now. _ Buy something that will make Nathaniel drool _ had been her instruction. Looking in the mirror, Bethany was pretty sure she’d met that requirement.

Her hair was in a crown of twisted braids with gold pins holding it up.  _ The royal hairdresser sure did an amazing job _ she thought to herself as she turned one way and then another to admire it.

“No one will be looking at the bride when they see you in that dress.” She looked over to see Nathaniel smiling at her, his eyes raking over her body as if undressing her with them, as he leaned in the doorway on his shoulder.  _ Mission accomplished, sister _ she thought to herself.

She blushed as he walked to her, stopping behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her close. His lips brushed along her neck, causing her to shiver. His hand on her stomach pulled her closer in response.

“Mmmm,” his heated breath hit her ear, she could feel him starting to become aroused behind her. “Think they’ll be upset if we miss the ceremony?”

“Yes,” she chuckled. “Control yourself, Howe.”

“Fine,” he nipped playfully at her ear, “but I get to undress you later.”

“I certainly hope so,” she smirked.

“Close your eyes,” his lips brushed her ear as he spoke. Once she did, she felt his hands move away from her waist, and something touch her collar. When she opened her eyes, she couldn’t help how large her eyes got from shock.

Around her neck was a chevron style choker length gold necklace. The uppermost piece was a line of gold ovals, each with a teardrop cut sapphire pendent inside, and inlaid with diamond flowers that cascaded down to the lower half of the necklace. The lower part also contained an intricate design of gold swirls with more teardrop shaped emeralds at the bottom of each. The center of the necklace contained one teardrop shaped emerald larger than Bethany had ever seen in her entire life, easily an inch in height. It, too, was surrounded by small marquis cut diamonds.

Her first thought was how beautiful it was, as her hand softly touched it. Her second was that this cost more than Nathaniel could have made in even ten years. She turned in his arms to face him. “Nate, it’s beautiful, but it’s too much.”

He kissed her nose, “My dear. Perhaps no one has broken the news to you, but the Arl of Amaranthine is madly in love with you.”

Bethany blushed, “Nate, still, how can you afford…”

“I’ve had my family fortune returned, and nothing would give me more pleasure than treating you to the finer things. What’s the point of that money if I can’t spoil you?” Without waiting for her to answer he pressed his lips to hers and she melted under his touch.

When he pulled back, he touched her cheek softly her eyes shimmered with light tears. “I love you, too.” she whispered.

He kissed her nose again. “We better leave now or we are not going at all.”

She nodded, placing her hand in the crook of his arm, letting him lead her to the gardens.

***

Marian took Bethany’s hand and squeezed it. “I see you took my advice to heart. You look amazing. And that necklace is stunning.” Bethany smiled at her. “Your man hasn’t taken his eyes off you in the twenty minutes you’ve been standing here. I doubt he heard a single word Alistair has said to him.”

Bethany giggled. “Probably not.”

Her eyes looked over and noticed Cullen speaking with a red-head. The woman was dressed Orlesian, and while she couldn’t hear what she was saying to him and Fenris, she could pick up an Orlesian accent. The red-head’s eyes looked at Bethany up and down and then she returned to talking to Cullen and Fenris.

“Do I know her?” Bethany asked Hawke who looked over to see show Bethany meant.

Marian chuckled, “No, but trust me, she knows you. That’s the Inquisition’s Spymaster. She probably has a dossier on each of us.”

“Why is she here?” Bethany shifted, feeling nervous again. After years of growing up being taught to  _ not _ draw attention to herself lest the Templars notice her, it was unsettling.

“She fought in the Blight with Ari and Alistair. Leliana.” Marian explained.

Bethany realized that she really needed to get used to meeting legends if she was going to marry Nathaniel.

Her attention was drawn to Anders quickly walking towards them. The nervous smile on his face made it clear she’d said yes and there was a wedding about to happen. Everyone took their places, the women each holding a sprig of Crystal Grace. Bethany watched Anders as he shifted his feet, clearly feeling anxious. Nathaniel placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered something to him that made the mage nod and take a deep breath.

Bethany grinned as Eleanor came skipping up the path and ran directly to Anders and grabbed onto his leg. 

He reached down and rubbed her head. “Hi.” He said softly as he smiled down at her.

Bethany couldn’t help the small tear in her eye, seeing him with the girl, it was sweet. She noticed Anders look up and followed to see Ari walking towards them on Fergus’ arm. Bethany suddenly got a sick feeling in her stomach. With Carver and her father gone, there was no one to walk her down the aisle. She felt a pang of loss. As if reading her melancholy thoughts, Marian took her hand and squeezed it.  _ Maker, how she had missed her sister. _

Bethany closed her eyes and pushed away those thoughts for now. This was a happy day. She sighed, looking at Ari and Anders right now, holding hands as Alistair started the ceremony. The two of them were just so clearly in love, you couldn’t help but feel joy in their presence. And watching Eleanor cling to both of them the whole time, her grin grew larger. The girl had her mother back, and she was getting the family she had missed.

In just a few weeks that would be her and Nathaniel standing before their friends, taking their vows. The idea of that filled her with peace and excitement for that approaching day. She looked past the couple who were saying their vows to each other, to the men beside Anders. She blushed when her eyes fell upon Nathaniel, he was just watching her, not even seeming to pay attention to anything else. The look in his eyes made it seem like he could devour her, while the soft smile on his face made her wonder if he, too, was thinking of their wedding day.

“Try to keep him from tearing your dress later. I paid a lot of money for that.” Marian whispered into her ear, and gave her a teasing look. Bethany had to cover her mouth to keep from giggling. “Maker, sister. I can see the attraction. It’s not even me he’s looking at, and I’m getting hot.”

“Don’t let Fenris hear you say that, I’d like my fiance to keep his heart  _ in  _ his chest.” Bethany smirked causing another round of the two of them stifling laughter. Eleanor apparently heard them as she shot them a stern look, which did nothing to help quell the giggles.

“Friends, allow me to introduce to you, Anders and Arianna Cousland.” Alistair announced, drawing their focus again to the happy couple. They all clapped and gathered around to congratulate them.

***

While the wedding had been taking place, servants had set up tables with chairs and another with tiny cakes, cheeses, fruits and some bread, along with wine. A string quartet stood in the corner, and the center stone walkway was left clear for dancing.

Ari and Anders were working their way around the room, stopping to talk with others. Alistair was holding up Eleanor and they were dancing together, the little girl looking like she was starting to get tired, but not wanting to leave the party. Cullen and Leliana were at a table talking with Anders. Ari, Fenris and Marian were enjoying the little cakes at the food table and teasing Fenris into trying them all. Bethany couldn’t help but smirk. Even though he was pretending to be bothered by the women and looking at them with feigned annoyance, it was clear there was affection for them both. The Fenris she knew would have cursed at them both in Tevene and stormed off. Perhaps he really had changed.

Nathaniel stood beside her, a drink in his hand, his other hand resting on the small of her back. While he’d been a gentleman the whole night, he’d also worked at finding ways to touch her, be it holding her hand, a brush of fingertips along her arm, or a kiss of his lips on hers. She found she was loving the attention the wedding seemed to have inspired in him. The closer they got to their own day, he became increasingly affectionate, as well as seeming to desire her even more. It was a change she found thrilling.

Ari approached them, grinning so large. She looked more at peace than when she and Bethany had walked the grounds, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. 

Nathaniel leaned down and kissed Ari’s cheek. A week ago it would have upset Bethany terribly, but something was different. The way he behaved around the Hero, the way he talked to her had changed. He was still just as much one of her closest friends, but Bethany realized he really was making an effort to change his behavior, and that he was doing it for her meant the world.

“Congratulations, Ri.” He squeezed her hand. She turned and gave Bethany a hug.

“You two are next.” Ari beamed at them. She smiled at Bethany, “It’ll be nice to have a friendly face that’s not one of my brothers at events. A female to talk to that I  _ actually _ like.”

Bethany returned the smile, “I know I’ll feel less out of place with you there too.”

“You’ll be fine,” Ari nodded. “Just remember what I told you and hold your head up.”

Anders slid in behind her, his hands touching Ari’s waist. “I hope you two don’t mind, but I need to steal my  _ wife _ to the dance floor.”

Anders wrapped his arms around Ari’s waist as they settled on the stone path to dance. She was too short for her arms to wrap around his neck, so instead she rested them on his shoulders. Their foreheads were touching and it was clear that each only had eyes for the other.

Ari touched Anders cheek softly as they danced. “I love you, husband.” 

He made a sound of contentment as a tear fell from his eye. Unable to answer just that moment he instead placed one of his hands around the back of her head, leaned down and kissed her lips softly. He knew she understood without having to say the words. That tonight had been more than he’d ever thought he’d have in this life, that a family, a wife, these were beyond reach for a mage in the Circle. 

He only stopped the kiss when he felt someone tug on his hand that was still on Ari’s hip. He looked down seeing Eleanor there. “Am I going to get yelled at again?” he asked her with a twinkle in his eye.

The girl smiled. “No, Uncle King says it’s bedtime. Goodnight.”

Both bent down and gave her goodnight hugs and kisses. When they resumed their hold on each other they watched as she went around saying goodnight to everyone before one of the servants led her back to the room. Anders started to chuckle.

“What’s so funny?” Ari asked him as she started to kiss along the base of his neck.

“Mmmm.” He hummed in response to her attentions. “I was just thinking that this means I now have a king and a teyrn for brother-in-laws and how intimidating that is. Then I realized that Nate’s going to have Fenris. I think I got the better end of the deal.”

Ari playfully swatted at his shoulder, laughing with him. Anders leaned down, burying his nose in her hair, just above her ear. “I love you, more than anything in this world.”

Ari didn’t reply, instead just pressing herself closer to him, her hands on his shoulders tightening.

Bethany watched the couple, there was just something about the energy between them, it drew you in. 

“Seventeen more days,” she heard Nathaniel purr into her ear before he softly kissed it. 

Bethany turned her head and smiled softly at him. “I can’t wait either.”

Alistair approached them with Leliana beside him. Cullen stayed where he had been at the table, perhaps sensing Bethany’s unease with his presence. While Cullen had never given her trouble in Kirkwall, her brain still screamed  _ Templar! _ when she looked at him.

“I don’t believe you’ve all met before,” Alistair motioned to the Spymaster. “Leliana was with us during the Blight. She’s been a dear friend ever since. Leli, this is Bethany and Nathaniel.”

“As in Howe?” Leliana asked looking at Alistair with a raised eyebrow. “Ari has been holding out information on me.”

“Apparently my reputation proceeds me, and probably needs cleaning up if you’ve been talking to her.” Nathaniel smirked as he nodded once.

Leli nodded, “Oh you and I are going to talk for sure. I want all the dirt on what Ari was like as a child.”

“Trying to round out your file on her?” Alistair chuckled.

“Of course,” Leliana said seriously. Her eyes fell upon Bethany. “Cullen tells me you are one of the best mages he’s ever seen in battle. And he’s not one to compliment a mage easily.”

Bethany blushed slightly at her words. “That’s sweet, I appreciate it.”

“See that. Someone finally thinks you’re sweet.” Alistair smirked at Leliana.

“Alistair, I do believe this long hair would look amazing in braids.” Leliana replied, touching the king’s hair.

“Don’t make me banish you from Ferelden,” Alistair chuckled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many notes!!!!  
> First - Thank you ALL so much for all your comments and kudos (don't worry, still much more story to come).
> 
> Next, story notes:  
> The wedding is also featured in the Ari/Anders story "Finding Life Again": http://archiveofourown.org/works/4125604/chapters/10343868
> 
> Anders comment about asking if he'd get yelled at -- Let's just say Eleanor didn't react very nicely to him the first time she saw him kiss her mother. (also in "Finding Life Again")
> 
> Bethany's Dress is the 4th one down on this page: http://www.stylishwife.com/2015/12/gorgeous-green-dresses-every-occasion.html
> 
> Her necklace from Nate: https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-xyNteLh5ALY/T6roJgnv9qI/AAAAAAAAo_s/tFewFCWQUow/s640/Malabargold_Latest_Diamond_Set.jpg


	30. A Warden no more

**** Bethany’s eyes opened slowly, letting out a contented sigh feeling Nathaniel’s arm around her waist. His even breathing told her he was still asleep. She slowly slid out from under his arm and out of the bed not wanting to wake him. She watched him sleep for a moment, looking peaceful, happy. She couldn’t help but bend down and place a gentle kiss on his forehead. He let out a sigh, and a small smile but remained asleep.

She quietly moved around the room getting dressed. Her dress from the night before was lying draped along the chair Nathaniel had placed it on after she made it very clear he was  _ not _ to damage it when they had entered their room and he became all hands and lips.

She carefully lifted it and hung it up in the wardrobe. She touched it once more before shutting the door, still unable to believe she owned something so pretty.

“There will be plenty more like that soon enough.” She turned to see Nathaniel turned to his side, watching her while leaning on his elbow. He gave her a sleepy smile when she looked at him. He let out a little yawn, “Why is my mage dressed and out of bed instead of here?” He patted the bed next to him.

“Because I have a breakfast date with Marian and you have a meeting with Alistair, unless you don’t want to be Arl.” She teased him as she bent down to kiss him good morning.

Nathaniel took the opportunity to pull her down and twist until she was under him. “You sure you have to go?” He purred as he nipped at her ear.

“I do, and so do you. Today’s a busy day. There will plenty of time for...that... tonight.” Bethany giggled at him as he mock-pouted while she squirmed away.

Neither wanted to talk about the fact that today they’d be getting their doses of the cure. They’d both officially resigned from the Wardens a few days ago. The First Warden wasn’t very happy, but apparently it had been a condition of Ari sharing the cure with them, so he had relented. Despite assurances from the Hero that the cure was safe, both still had nerves that something could go wrong.

As she neared the door she felt him turn her around, one arm on her waist while the other hand touched her cheek gently.

“You know I love you. More than anything or anyone.” His eyes searched hers.

Bethany leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “And I you. Now get dressed before you scandalize the maids.” She playfully batted at him as she left.

***

Bethany knocked on the door and laughed when Marian yanked her inside and into a tight hug.

“It’s only been like nine hours, you can’t have missed me that much!”

“I have years of missing you to make up for.” Marian hugged her again.

“Where’s Fenris?” Bethany asked, looking around the room.

“He went to get me some crackers and tea.” Marian motioned for them to sit by the small table in their room. “So what brings you here? I would have thought your betrothed would have been keeping you all to himself based on how he kept watching you last night.”

Bethany blushed and then shook her head. “He has to meet with Alistair and Fergus, get everything in order. He’ll officially be Arl tomorrow morning.”

“Oh good, we can talk wedding then.” Marian grinned. Her smile faltered when she saw Bethany’s face fall. “Did something happen? Bethany, what’s wrong?” Marian took her sister’s hand and squeezed it.

Bethany looked at the ground, her voice soft. “Da and Carver are gone.”

Marian looked at her confused. “For a long time now. I miss them too, but why does that make you so upset?”

“There’s no men left in our family. No one to walk me down the aisle.” Bethany lifted her eyes to look at her sister, tears brimming at the edge.

Marian took Bethany’s hand in both of hers and rubbed the back of it. “There is someone.”

“But I want you to stand up there next to me.”

“I don’t mean me,” Marian gave her a soft smile.

“Fenris?” Bethany gave her a questioning look. “Would he even want to?”

“I promise he will. He doesn’t remember his own family. We met his sister once, she was horrid. But he  _ wants _ to have a family. I think this would make him feel like you were accepting him as part of ours.” Marian squeezed her hand. “But only if it’s what you want, don’t let me push this on you.”

Bethany shook her head and, despite the tears, her smile was big. “I think I’d like that very much. If he says yes.”

“I thought it was hormones making Hawke cry. Turns out it’s hereditary.” They both turned to see Fenris enter with the aforementioned crackers and tea. He set them on the table beside Marian.

“Hush,” Marian grinned at his teasing. “Sit. Bethany has something she wants to ask you.”

Fenris lifted an eyebrow, and took a seat as Marian left them alone, going to the bathroom to get dressed for the day.

Fenris continued watching Bethany, clearly waiting for her to speak.

She suddenly felt nervous. What if he said no? “Well...uh...you know I’m getting married in a few weeks?”

Fenris nodded. “Nathaniel is a fine man.”

Bethany felt like fidgeting, but then remembered Ari’s advice to her about acting with confidence, like an Arlessa. She took a deep breath. “Fenris, as the man in our family, would you walk me down the aisle?”

Fenris said nothing, just looked at her.  _ Damn that elf and his unreadable expressions _ , she thought. He still just watched her and she wondered how long she should wait before realizing he was saying no. Then he did move, it was subtle, he clearly gulped, and then closed his eyes for a moment. 

He nodded, and when she spoke, she realized he was actually feeling a lot about what she had said. “It would be my honor. You are...you are sure? Hawke did not talk you into this?”

“I am sure. It would mean a lot to me Fenris. You’re family now.” Bethany reassured him.

He gave her that small grin of his again. “Then it will be my pleasure. I’ll even wear shoes if you require.”

Bethany let out a breath of relief and grinned. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary.”

Marian peeked at them both from the bathroom and covered her smile with her hand. Fenris would probably never say it, but she knew her husband enough to know just how big this was to him. It was not only about being a part of a family. It was about doing something  _ normal _ , something that put him as the head of the family, something a slave would never have been. She touched her bump gently, feeling impatient for when he could finally hold their twins.

***

Nathaniel entered the King’s private office. Bethany was already inside talking with Ari, Anders and Alistair. He smirked to himself seeing Anders, his arm around Ari’s waist, as if not wanting her more that a few inches away from him. Nathaniel had strongly suspected years ago at the Keep that Anders had been in love with her. Seeing them together now, he felt his suspicions were dead on.

As he approached, Bethany reached for his hand. He looked around the room, “Why only one cot?”

“That’s for Bethany.” Anders explained. “It’s going to react with her magic, and if she’s like me, she’s going to pass out. Hopefully without the large headache I got from falling on the floor.”

“Alistair and I both felt a little tingling, but that was it, so you should be fine.” Ari nodded to Nathaniel. “We can start whenever you’re ready.”

Bethany looked at Nathaniel and nodded.  She sat on the cot, Nathaniel on the stool beside it. “I love you,” he told her.

She leaned over and kissed his cheek, “And I you.”

“You’ll both be fine,” Alistair tried to assure them as he handed them both a vial. It was blue with gold specks that flickered when the light hit them.

“You’re going to want to lay back,” Anders warned Bethany.

She nodded, and did just that. She looked at Nathaniel and threw back the potion, a moment later the world went black.

Nathaniel watched her, his face full of concern.

“She’ll be awake in about twenty minutes, she’s doing fine.” Anders tried to assure him as he checked her pulse.

Nathaniel nodded and then took his potion. He felt a buzzing through his legs and it slowly worked it’s way up his body. He breathed slowly, waiting for the feeling to pass. He held his head in his hands, the tingling causing him to feel slightly sick. It felt like time was dragging on but eventually the feeling stopped, and an annoyingly enthusiastic dwarf ran up to him and yanked his hand, poking him with a sharp object and drawing blood. Nathaniel growled at her.

“Dagna, you should maybe warn someone next time.” he heard Ari say to the dwarf.

“Oh, oh right. Sorry. He’s good, no taint.” Dagna reported.

He watched Bethany, she looked like she was sleeping, her body relaxed. Her face, however, looked like she was in pain. “Anders?” Nathaniel’s voice was full of concern.

“She’s fine. It’s just different for mages, but her vitals are ok.” Anders replied, his eyes not leaving Bethany.

“She’s in pain, this is not fine.” Nathaniel glared at him.

“I promise, when she wakes up, she’ll be fine.” Anders put one of her hands in Nathaniel’s and then raised his eyes to the others. “Why don’t we all go in the other room, give them space.”

Bethany opened her eyes after what felt like just a moment after she had closed them. She could feel someone holding one of her hands. No sooner had she focused her eyesight then she felt a hand touch her cheek, turning towards it, she was suddenly receiving a soft, yet urgent kiss from Nathaniel. She put her free hand around his head, carding her fingers into his hair, as the kiss started becoming more heated. Without breaking the kiss, he crawled onto the cot and on top of her. He pulled back his head and looked at her for a moment before putting his forehead to hers.

“That was the longest twenty minutes of my life.” He sighed as he nuzzled his face beside hers.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him as he just quietly laid there. She had no idea what had happened, but could tell he just needed to be close, to be held. 

After a few minutes he rose from the cot and helped her up, pulling her into his arms again when she stood up.  “Come on. You need to be manhandled by an annoying dwarf and then you and I are doing nothing but snuggling into our bed until morning.”

Bethany chuckled, but agreed to his plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for everyone that has left me little comments, love them so much <3


	31. Wedding Day - The Ladies

**** Bethany looked at herself in the mirror, the hairdresser Marian had hired did an amazing job. Her normally straight hair was in soft waves, pulled into an updo and weaved with white and blue flowers. The Kohl around her eyes made them appear even wider, and the red coloring on her lips somehow made her feel like royalty.

Her dress hung on the door to the closet, not to be put on until closer to the top of the hour. Butterflies wrestled in her stomach. In about two hours the Reverend Mother would announce Bethany as Lady Bethany Howe, Arlessa of Amaranthine. She felt a combination of excitement and exhaustion. She had barely slept the night before, partially from nerves, but mainly because Nathaniel was not there in the bed with her. He’d been dragged away by Anders and Fenris, told in no uncertain terms that it was bad luck for him to be there the night before the wedding. So with a kiss on the cheek and a squeeze of his hand he had left their room.

“You look beautiful,” Marian beamed at her through the mirror. “Ma and Da would be beside themselves.”

Bethany turned and pulled Marian in for a hug. “I’m so glad you’re here. Today just wouldn’t be the same without you.”

Marian started to say something but was interrupted by the noise from the adjoining bathroom. She sighed. “Poor thing. I don’t miss morning sickness, I can tell you that.”

A moment later Ari emerged from the room, poured a glass of water and tumbled onto the large couch. “Maker, I will be happy when this part’s done.”

Bethany gave her a sympathetic smile as she sat in her chair. Nothing to do at this point but wait, she realized. “I still don’t get how Nate convinced the Chantry to actually marry us.”

“This war has done a lot of damage to their reputation. They’re looking to curry favor with the nobles, namely him. Right now they’d rather have support then worry about if he’s marrying a mage.” Ari rolled her eyes, and Bethany understood it was at the Chantry’s lack of conviction, than at her.

“But you’re the Teyrn’s sister. I would have thought they’d look to gain your support as well.” Bethany wondered.

“Yeah, well, apparently they’re not as keen at marrying someone that blew one of their buildings up.” Ari winked, no trace of malice in her voice.

“Oh, yeah, I guess that makes sense.” Bethany blushed, unable to believe she’d actually forgotten about that.

“Besides, it makes more sense. I’m sort of...a noble without a title I guess.” Ari waved her hand around in a circle. “But you’re going to be Arlessa. Having your marriage be legitimate is important, especially for Nate.”

“Wait?” Bethany sounded confused. “You mean you and Anders…”

“It’s real in our hearts, that’s all that matters. I care more about that then having the Chantry and others deem it ‘real’.” Ari waved her hand to show how little she cared about the Chantry’s blessing, something that surprised even Hawke. She knew how devout Ari had been over the years.

There was a knock on the door and a servant entered, carrying in a tray of fruit and another pitcher of water. He placed it on the table and nodded silently to the ladies as he left.

Bethany laughed, seeing Marian nearly pull a muscle to watch the man’s backside as he left. “See something you like, sister?” 

Marian shook her head and sighed. “Maker, if I don’t get laid soon, I’m going to explode.” She collapsed on the couch next to Ari, handing her a plate with some of the fruit on it.

“Sister!” Bethany blushed furiously.

“Sorry Bethany, hormones. Turns you into a randy teenager all over again.” Marian shrugged. “Ever since I started showing, Fenris will do everything but… well  _ that _ .”

“Want me to have Anders reassure him it’s safe?” Ari offered.

“No, I’ve already had three other healers tell him. Bloody elf is too stubborn.” Marian sighed. “At least you look happy. I’m betting Anders is keeping you from getting frustrated. From what I recall, he could get quite creative when he wanted to.”

Ari smirked, “Oh very much so. He is anything but dull.” 

Bethany’s eyes darted between the two, finding it particularly odd that they could talk about bedding the same man without a care. She decided that clearly pregnancy made them both insane.

“Isabela used to make up this story about him doing some electricity thing in bed. I mean seriously!” Marian rolled her eyes.

“Oh, he most definitely does that. All true.” Ari held her hand to hear heart and started laughing loudly when Marian’s eyes grew large.

“You mean he really...with…” Marian wiggled her fingers. Ari nodded. “Bastard never did that with me.” She grumbled which sent Ari laughing again.

“Come on now, I’m sure Fenris has some special little thing that makes your toes curl.” Ari smirked.

“His voice.” Marian sighed.

“Ooo, yes, it is delicious.” Ari giggled and nodded. 

“Mm-hmm. Especially when he’s turned on. It gets all low and husky, he starts talking dirty and then…”

“Maker, I do not want to know these things about either of them.” Bethany groaned and tried to cover her ears.

“I bet Nathaniel’s a terror in the bed,” Marian giggled while Ari blushed and tried to look away.

“Marian!” Bethany replied, horrified.

“Oh, come on, sister. The way he looks at you, his smolder heats up anyone in a twenty foot radius.” Marian egged her on.

Bethany blushed. “I am  _ not _ having this conversation. Especially not with his ex girlfriend right there.” She had meant her comment to be in jest. Unfortunately she forgot about hormones.

Ari’s laughter stopped instantly, and tears formed in her eyes. “You hate me, I knew it.” She started crying big fat tears as her shoulders shook.

“Oh, oh Ari, I didn’t mean it. I was just teasing,” Bethany took her hand as Marian started crying. “Now why are you crying?”

“I don’t know. Because she is, because you’re getting married, because I’m a big fat cow.” Marian bawled.

Bethany jumped when she heard a knock at the door. She stared at the two crying women, unsure of what to do. She hoped whoever was knocking would have a clue. Opening the door revealed Anders and Eleanor. Ele beamed up at Bethany and twirled around in a bright blue dress.

“I am here to deliver your flower girl.” Anders smirked.

“Oh, thank the Maker.” Bethany grabbed his hand and pulled him in the room. “Help!” She begged the surprised mage as she gestured to the other women.

“What happened?” He raised up his eyebrow.

“I don’t...We were just talking and then she said...electricity trick and then Fenris…” Bethany stumbled, flustered for what to say.

“Never did the electricity trick on Fenris, we’re not that close.” Anders winked at her with a smirk. “Don’t worry about it, this is what she does. Sigrun asked her if she wanted an apple when she was pregnant with Ele. I had a heck of a time making up a story for why she burst into tears then.”

He walked to his new bride. “Love, what say we go for a walk, not make Bethany more nervous than she already is?”

Ari sniffled and nodded. “I’m...sorr…” she sniffled, “sorry I’m the ex. Just…” another sniffle, “just wanted us to be fri..ffff…”

“We are friends, I was just teasing, I promise.” Bethany hugged her and handed her off to Anders.

Anders mouthed, “It’s fine” to her with a smile as he led his wife out of the room.

“She’s always crying.” Eleanor said very matter-of-factly as she plopped down on the couch where Ari had been sitting. She looked at Marian and rolled her eyes. “Ugh, not you too.”

Marian’s sobs turned into laughter at the girl’s disgust. She wiped her eyes with the handkerchief Bethany handed to her. “Ok, ok, I’ll stop.”

Sigrun entered and clapped her hands with excitement. “Maid of Honor reporting for duty. Let’s get you in that dress.”

Bethany gave her a hug and then Marian brought over the dress as Sigurn took Bethany’s robe from her.

“I saw the Commander crying. You didn’t offer her an apple, did you?” Sigrun asked as her eyes darted to the plate of fruit. “She’s terrified of them. Anders told me her brother and Nate used to throw them at her when she was little.” 

Bethany exchanged a look with Marian and they both tried, without much success, to stifle their laughter.

“Can I come visit you in your new home, Aunt Bethany?” Eleanor asked, while watching the others help Bethany in her dress.

“It’ll be a while before the new home is ready for us. But yes, honey, when it’s ready we’d love to have you come.” Bethany smiled at the girl.

“Can I bring my bow with me?”

“Of course. Your uncle loves shooting with you.” 

Eleanor gave a large smile in reply. “You look beautiful, Aunt Bethany. Just like one of the princesses in my bedtime stories Uncle King reads me.”

Bethany bent down once Marian finished tying the back of her dress. She held her arms out and Eleanor gave her a large hug. “Thank you, Ele.” She kissed the girl’s cheek. “You ready to be a flower girl?” Eleanor nodded excitedly.

There was a knock at the door. “I believe that’s my elf here to escort you.” Marian opened the door and looked Fenris up and down. He was dressed in formalwear, something she very rarely ever saw him in, but still no shoes. She decided then and there she  _ needed _ to buy him some formalwear for him to wear around their house, and then immediately take him out of said outfit.

“Remember what I said earlier, sister,” Marian ogled Fenris. She fanned herself with her hand. “Double that now.”

Bethany smirked but said nothing and Fenris quirked an eyebrow trying once again to figure out what the two of them were talking about. He found it confusing, yet somehow endearing, how Bethany and Marian seemed to have almost a secret way of communication. He knew his Hawke had been in better spirits ever since they had reunited with Bethany. At first he had worried that it was a sign that he was not enough, that perhaps she had even grown tired of him. But now that he had seen them together, it was clear that it was instead that a part of Hawke had been missing, and that with her sister back, she was finally whole again.

“Come on, little Crow.” Marian winked at the princess as she used Varric’s nickname for the girl. Eleanor took Marian’s outstretched hand. “We’ll see you out there. Enjoy your last few minutes as a single girl. But not too much, the elf’s mine.” She winked with a teasing smile as they left with Sigrun.

Bethany picked up the bouquet of blue and white roses that sat on the table and took a deep breath. “You ready?” She asked Fenris.

“I am.” He tilted his head in a slight nod as he extended his bent arm to her. “Are you?”

“I am.” And just like that, the butterflies stopped.

“Then let us make sure you’re not late.” Fenris gave another half smile as he escorted her from the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI - at this point they still haven't told Ele yet about the baby. They are giving her time to adjust to the other changes in her life first.


	32. Wedding Day - The Men

“Will you please stop fussing over me?” Nathaniel tried, without success, to push away his sister’s hands from his overcoat.

“No.” Delilah looked up at him with a teasing smile as her hand reached up to touch his cheek. “I just want everything to be perfect for you.”

He put his hand over hers. “It will be. I’m marrying Bethany, how could it be anything but?”

“Come on dear, let’s leave your brother alone and go find our seats.” Albert gently called to her.

Delilah stretched up and kissed Nathaniel on the cheek.

“I love you, now go.” He chuckled as he kissed her cheek.

She didn’t make it very far. She stopped and started fussing over Alex’s collar. “Maaaaa” the boy whined.

“Dear, don’t embarrass him in front of the other men.” Albert winked at his son as he gently directed her from the room.

Fergus chuckled after they had left and Nathaniel undid half the straightening his sister had done to him. “She’s not so bad. At least you don’t have to worry half the time that your sister may snap and kick your ass.”

Nathaniel chuckled, “Your sister  _ has _ done just that to me, more than once.”

Nathaniel looked across the room to where Fenris appeared to be fighting with the buttons on the cuffs of his overcoat, and based on the growl on his face, the buttons were going to soon meet a horrible fate. He walked over to help him before the elf could rip them off. “Neither of you have anything to complain about when it comes to sisters.  _ Mine _ tried to sell me back into slavery.”

“You win.” Nathaniel smirked at him as he fixed the troublesome jacket for Fenris.

“Thank you.” Fenris nodded. “I am unaccustomed to Ferelden formalwear.” 

“At least you’re not going to have to wear it everyday.” Nathaniel reassured him. “Hopefully this helps keep my heart in my chest.”

“Hawke says the promise still stands.” Fenris replied with little humor as he looked at himself in the mirror. “But I have explained that perhaps it would be better to get to know the new member of the family than threaten him.”

“Appreciated.” Nathaniel patted Fenris’ arm. He turned as he heard the door open and saw Anders enter.

“You’re late,” Nathaniel didn’t sound upset, however.

“Crying wife.” Anders shrugged. “She’s with the King now, so here I am.”

“What did you say to upset her, mage?” Fenris growled.

“Hey hey,” Anders held his hands up, not wanting to start a fight on Nathaniel’s day. “It wasn’t me. Bethany said something totally innocent, hormones took care of the rest.”

Fenris visibly relaxed and just nodded as he took the offered glass of brandy from Fergus. Fergus continued to hand glasses around to the men.

“Did you at least refrain from telling Bethany it was because of some made up torment Fergus and I laid upon her?” Nathaniel raised an eyebrow.

“What’s this now?” Fergus looked confused as they all found seating in the room. Fergus handed a glass of juice to Alex who took a seat beside Nathaniel and looked very pleased to be included with all the adults.

“Back before anyone but he knew she was pregnant with Eleanor, she had burst into tears when one of the Wardens offered her an apple. Genius here explained it away but making up a story about how you and I would throw apples at her as a child.” Nathaniel leaned back in his seat.

“Wait. Is that why that dwarf throws an apple at me everytime I’m at the Keep?” Fergus looked at Nathaniel who nodded and chuckled. “Is it too late for me to take back my blessing?”

“No,” Fenris answered at the same time that Anders said “Yes.”

Fergus smirked. “Since I’m not looking to have my dear little sister kick my ass, as we discussed before, you’re safe.” Fergus nodded and then looked at Alex with a wink, “And don’t tell your mother how many times we said ass.”

Alex laughed, “No Serrah.”

Fergus gave him a kind smile. He wondered if Oren would have been like Alex at ten. He was finally to the point where he could think of his son without crushing grief, but instead with fondness and love. Having Eleanor around as much as she had over the last few years, and the anticipation of his own child coming soon had helped with that immensely. Oren’s namedays were no longer a spent locked away in his study to shut out the world. Now they had become a day that Elissa and he spent celebrating life and their blessings.

“Here’s to Nathaniel, and to the day we never thought we’d see.” Fergus teased his friend as they all raised a toast to him.

Nathaniel took a drink and smirked and walked to the window to look out at the grounds of the Chantry’s estate.

He looked over when he heard Fergus approach. “You ready to join the rest of us and end your bachelorhood?”

Nathaniel smirked and nodded. “For a long time I figured I’d always just be alone. There was only one woman I desired and we just never got it right.” He looked over at Anders who was talking with Alex. “But now I understand why it had never worked with Ri. I was waiting for Bethany.”

Fergus put an arm around him and rested his hand on his shoulder. “You do realize you’re breaking hearts across Ferelden today.”

Nathaniel snorted. “Perhaps Alistair should declare it a day of mourning.”

As if summoned by his name, the door opened and a harried looking King entered.

“Is everything alright?” Anders stood quickly looking concerned.

Alistair nodded and wiped sweat from his brow. “Yes, as long as I hide in here.”

Fergus let out a boisterous laugh, “What did you do?”

“I may have inadvertently suggested that she looked good for being pregnant and thirty-one.” Alistair blushed.

“Maker! Do you even  _ know _ how to talk to a woman?” Nathaniel admonished him as he handed a glass of brandy to Alistair.

“Apparently not.” Alistair replied and slammed back the drink.

“Well where is she now?” Anders wondered if he had enough time to talk her down again.

“Teagan. He’s doing what he does best, cleaning up my mess.” Alistair gave an apologetic smile.

Anders collapsed back on the couch next to Fenris, his elbows leaned on his knees and his head in his hands. 

“Mage?”

Anders turned his head slightly to look at Fenris.

“Are you...alright?”

Anders sighed. “I must look bad if you’re concerned.” He shook his head. “Sorry. I just worry. She seems so unhappy.”

“Hawke assures me the tears are normal. Are they not?” Fenris brow furrowed.

Anders slumped back on the couch. “They are. I just…” He looked over at Fenris. “I doubt you wish to hear this.”

Fenris looked across the room to where Nathaniel, Fergus and Alistair were talking. Across the room, Alex was playing with Nathaniel’s mabari. He looked out of the corner of his eye to Anders who was looking at the ceiling. The two of them had never been close, but he knew the mage better than the other three. He might not have reunited with Hawke had it not been for Anders. He closed his eyes and hoped he was not making a mistake.

“I have no idea how to be a father, and in a few months I will have two to care for.” He held his breath, waiting to hear laughter, or worse, for Anders to tell him he would be awful.

“You…” Anders looked at him. “That…” He swallowed. “That is exactly how I feel.”

Fenris clenched his fists, “I should have known you’d agree, I don’t know why I thought you’d understand.”

“No, Fenris. You misunderstand.” Anders put a hand on Fenris’ arm and then quickly pulled it away, remembering how the warrior did not like to be touched. “I mean...I mean that’s how I feel about Ari, except you still have time to get ready. I’m one already, except Eleanor has made it clear how bloody horrible I am at it.”

“Ele adores you.” Fenris surprised himself that he was actually feeling sorry for the man.

“No, she adores  _ you _ . Me, she just stares at across the kitchen table.”

Fenris watched Anders, his face unreadable. He was amazed to find that Anders had many of the same worries and fears that Fenris had about upcoming fatherhood. He didn’t know the words to assure Anders, and was unsure he  _ wanted _ to comfort the mage. Hearing his own thoughts repeated, however, made him feel as if maybe he wasn’t alone, that perhaps his worries were not a sign that he’d be a failure.

Before he had time to think of a reply, there was a rapping at the door.

“Serrahs, it’s almost time,” They heard someone say through the door.

Fenris stood and straightened his overcoat once more as he walked towards the door. “I will see you soon.”

“You ready?” Fergus asked as Alistair bid them luck and left the room.

“Maker, yes.” Nathaniel let out a sigh of relief that the day was finally upon him. Alex held open the door and they all walked towards the chapel.


	33. The Wedding

**Chapter 33**

“Ready?” Fenris asked.

“Ready.” Bethany took a deep breath as the doors to the room opened. She saw all heads turn to look at her, but there was only one face she was focused on. He stood at the other end of the aisle, his eyes fixated on her. How was it possible that he looked even more handsome? Next to him stood Fergus, Anders and Alex. Across from them, waiting for her stood Marian, Sigrun and Eleanor, who was nearly bouncing with excitement. 

Fenris and Bethany seemed to notice her at the same time as they both chuckled a little. That chuckle released the last of her nerves. The nearer she got to Nathaniel, the more relaxed she felt. This was happening, all the months of waiting, planning, worrying, and it was here now. Their forever was about to start. As they stopped, her arm still in Fenris’, she looked into Nathaniel’s eyes and saw the same calmness there. He was just as assured this was right as she was.

“Who gives this woman away?” The Reverend Mother spoke.

“I do, with hope for a long and happy life.” Fenris replied, placing her hand in Nathaniel’s and placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

_ He’s KISSING a mage. Will wonders never cease? _ Bethany thought to herself as Fenris sat beside Geralt and a few of her other friends from the Wardens in the front row.

She looked around, everyone that loved her was in the front. On her side sat Fenris, Geralt, and Elaine. Another row back she saw Patterson and a few of her recruits. And then her eyes grew wide. NO! It couldn’t be. The pirate smiled at her and made a lewd gesture about Nathaniel and Bethany’s smile grew. She’d missed her so much. Marian must have told her cause there she was, probably already deciding which noble she’d debauch later.

On Nathaniel’s side sat his sister and Albert. Next to them Elissa, the King and Arianna.

The rest of the church was full, but not a single one of them meant a thing to her. They were all the Arls, Baans and other nobles that Ari had worked with her on learning over the last few weeks. They were all here for no other reason then for show and she didn’t care one lick.

Her eyes fell back onto Nathaniel’s and she felt the love there wrapping around her, warm and safe. How could she have ever doubted? He gave her the smile he only ever gave her and squeezed her hand gently, neither one really hearing the words the Reverend Mother spoke.

Rings were placed on fingers, vows were exchanged, ones that had been practiced and committed to memory for the official ceremony. The  _ real _ vows, the ones they made to each other, those they shared yesterday. The ones today were simply for show.

_ Nathaniel sat on the ground beside her in front of the fireplace and took the glass of wine from her hand. He placed it beside them and took her hands in his as they faced each other. _

_ “Bethany, I swear before you and the Maker.” Aidan barked. “And Aidan,” they both chuckled. “That I will love you for the rest of my days. I will strive to be a better man. To be the husband you deserve. I promise that there will never be another day where you doubt that you are now and will always be first in my heart and in my life. I want you to be my partner through everything. We will oversee the Arldom together, as equals. I swear to you, never to take you for granted and to spoil you every day.” He leaned over and kissed her. _

_ “Nate, I swear before you and the Maker and Aidan,” she smirked at the mabari, “that I will love you for the rest of my days. I will strive to be better for you. I swear to talk to you instead of jumping to conclusions. I promise to remember the good, kind man you are and not allow rumors and emotions make me forget that. I promise to make sure you know every single minute how cherished and loved you are. I promise to remind you of how wonderful you are when you forget and allow the past to haunt you. I vow to never let us go to bed angry, and to always look for a way to make you laugh when the world gets too real. I swear to be your partner in all things and to never take one moment we have together for granted.” This time she leaned to him and kissed him. _

_ “I love you,” he whispered against her lips. _

_ “And I you.” _

Nathaniel’s eyes shone with happiness as they watched each other.

“You may now kiss your bride,” The Reverend Mother announced.

Nathaniel put his hand lovingly, softly on her cheek while his other touched the small of her back and pulled her close. Bethany placed her arms on his arms. It would not be the kiss they really wanted to give, they were nobles now, propriety and all that mucky-muck as Anders had joked that morning. Still, his lips were soft, but firm, they fit against her’s with practice. Bethany’s hands tightened on his arms as she tried to cover her surprise when his tongue slipped into her mouth. When they pulled apart he had a look of mischief on his face and she had to stifle a chuckle. 

“Your Highness,” The Reverend Mother nodded towards Alistair, “Lords and Ladies, friends and family, I present to you The Arl and Arlessa of Amaranthine, Lord and Lady Howe.”

The attendees stood and cheered as Nathaniel put Bethany’s hand in the crook of his elbow and led her to the back of the church. She could hear people offering their congratulations as they walked, but her eyes were locked with his, and she paid little attention to much else.

Once out the doors and into the small room they would await until announced at the reception, Nathaniel pulled her close. This time he did give her the kiss he really wanted. His fingers dug into her hair, and for a moment she worried he would ruin the updo, but the moment his lips touched hers, she stopped caring. His arm wrapped tight along her waist holding her close as Bethany wrapped her arms around the back of his head. They kissed, tongues battling each other, small moans escaping them both until they finally had to pull away to catch a breath.

Nathaniel touched her cheek gently. His heart felt like it was going to burst through his chest. He couldn’t think of any time he’d ever been so happy and so at peace. “I love you, Lady Howe.”

“I love you, Lord Howe.” She blushed and give him a shy smile.

“Ready to start our new life?” He whispered into her ear, placing a small kiss on her cheek after.

“More than ever.” She replied.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this <3 You rock.  
> I hope you liked it, please let me know you did.
> 
> Come find me on tumblr: WardenAri.tumblr.com  
> On Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bella.abraham.946


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